Sunday, December 30, 2007
"God created me in his image. Perfect. Then the moment I was born the world began it's quest to prove Him wrong. Yet, through it all I managed to figure out that I was receiving the wrong message. I went through a long and arduous process to come to the realization that all people have the ability to become totally and unconditionally loving to all people. We just have to decide to do so , starting with ourselves. If I don't believe it of myself, I can't believe it of others no matter how hard I try."
That was like a dozen years ago and I am still on a quest to reverse the negative messages buried in my subconscious. I have uncovered so much wrong thinking; stuff that was never true and stuff that is no longer true. Anyway, I just thought I'd share this.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
It just isn't quite Christmas time without my "cheerren" around. I made a stab at creating some cheer by baking the traditional gingersnaps last night. Figured that if that worked I might graduate to baking some sugar cookies and maybe even decorate them. But then my mind swiftly went to the memories of my kids decorating them with me. I still have the Avon cookie cutters than leave impressions in the cookie dough. I would pipe a hat and scarf on the snowmen and they would dip them in sparkles. Then I would pipe on eyes, nose and buttons and they would stick on raisins and redhots. Then there were the Santas, trees and angels. I continued to do them myself after they refused to participate anymore. They still loved to eat them and kept reassuring me that they were way better than any of the cookies their friends moms made. Then they moved into their own places and I still made them and they came home for Christmas or I sent them to them. Then my husband retired, started a new career and we moved to Nevada.
So, really, I think I have been faking Christmas for a long time now. Last year I didn't even send out Christmas cards for the first time since I was probably 18. Our Christmas tree is one of those artificial prelit trees in a plaster planter that is supposed to sit outside. Last year I decorated it. So far this year, we're lucky if someone plugs the lights in. We've decided no stockings hung by the chimney with care for the first time (It's a gas fireplace anyway).
Maybe I should try making "the little white guys". They are my version of Russian teacakes or Mexican wedding cookies. I shape them into little logs and bake them a little longer than most. As soon as they come out of the oven I set them in a half inch layer of powdered sugar, then I sift another half inch layer on top of them. I decorate them by piping on two green leaves to represent holy and add a redhot. My husband always warns, "Hold your breath when you put them in your mouth or the powdered sugar will suffocate you". He would walk over hot coals for these things. They melt in your mouth and take you to a place you should only go during sex. Well, that may be an exaggeration!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Hmmmmmm.......Both our children have had birthday parties. When our daughter was around eleven and every year after, she declared that her birthdays were "no big thing". I continued to make them big things though. That year she insisted that she didn't want a cake, so I decorated cupcakes and had a few of her friends over. She scowled the whole time. Then she left home and her birthday became a REAL big thing!
I just realized that I tried to make up for, with my kids, what I didn't get as a child. We were very, very poor and Christmas gifts were never much. When I was in the third grade we rented a small house from, and next door to "Bull and Aunty" who were very, very not poor. At Christmas, gifts for their four grandkids were stacked to the ceiling around their angel hair smoothered tree, most of which I had helped wrap. So, with my own kids, I really went over the top, though my husband always declared, "Too much".
For most of my life I wanted something other than what I had. Granted, I started out life with a lot of reasons to feel that way. Even when there were no more reasons, I looked for or imagined them. I still have my moments. I have made a major switch in my thinking that I wish had'nt taken so long. LIFE IS A GOOD THING!
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
This has been difficult for my husband and I.
For 32 years she has been someone I loved, admired and adored. I weep.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.
Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.
Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.
"I haven't worked in over 30 years".
"Then that must mean you never worked".
"Oh, I have worked".
"Well, not very long cause you're about 50, take away 30"......
Well, I didn't hear the rest. I gave him a gentle fist on his shoulder and a Cheshire cat grin.
"Thank you, I am 61 and will be 62 the 14th of next month".
"No, that can't be," he said as he looked closer at my face. "You can usually tell by the skin and ...... Well, I don't believe it".
"I could show you my ID!!!"
It is clear to me at this point that he is really sincere in his disbelief .
"You have just made my day"! (But, really he made my year or so!!!!).
Just before he walks off to help someone I look into his thick glasses and for a moment question if maybe he doesn't see well out of them. I decide to dismiss this negative thought and continue to walk on a cloud for awhile.
When I told my husband he said,
"See, I've told you. Eternally youthful".
When I told my son he said,
"Mom, he was hitting on you."
I didn't argue with either one of them and continue to smile about it all.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
"A Dayton man, found guilty of first degree murder last week after a six day trial in Third Judicial District Court in Yerington, has been sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole (with parole available after a minimum of 20 years served).
A seven-woman, five-man jury returned the guilty verdict against Christopher Deyerle, 26, who was charged in connection with the May, 2006, murder of his wife, Heather......
Also prior to the penalty phase of the case, defense attorney John Schlegelmilch argued against the use of penalty phase testimony being allowed from a former girlfriend, the mother of one of Deyerle's children, and about prior acts of alleged abuse from Deyerle, charging that notification wasn't offered, as the State had withdrawn Jessie Wilkinson as a witness for the trial and, as a result, he didn't expect her to be called as a penalty phase witness.
Schlegelmilch argued he could call at least one woman who had a relationship with Deyerle to testify he never was abusive or violent toward her, but that he didn't have time to get her there that day. He also asked for a continuance, saying she could come but would have to arrange time off work. Judge Estes denied the request; however the woman, Jamie Sherman, was allowed to testify on behalf of the defense over the phone........
Deyerle, who took the stand on the final full day of the trial, said he simply "lost it" the day of the shooting---after an argument with his wife about his spending and lack of a job, and during which, he testified, she revealed a relationship with another man, He testified after the shooting he didn't think he'd killed Heather and was simply scared and ran after her father came out of the house.
The argument both during trial and during closing arguments was not whether Deyerle committed the act, but whether he did it in a fit of passion or with aforethought. The difference determined first or second degree charges and, as a result, the sentence for the defendant.
During the closing statements, District Attorney Robert Auer argued the defendant was possessive of Heather and had told several people of his intent to kill her if she was caught cheating on him.
The crux, of the case rested in the moments leading up to the shooting and whether a final fatal shot occurred, Auer argued, charging Deyerle had walked up and shot Heather in the head after a previous bullet had knocked her to the ground. The defendant's attorney, though, said witnesses recalled hearing successions of rapid gunshots rather than several shots followed by a single shot.
Schlegelmilch also contended the defendant was arguing with Heather, and she said something to infuriate him and push him over the edge.
Auer contended at least two neutral witnesses saw no provocation; and lastly, he questioned why the defendant did not simply leave when the first rapid shots missed Heather, charging that lended (that is what the article in the newspaper said folks) support to a calculated killing.
Schlegelmilch countered that the victims father described Deyerle as appearing scared in the driveway immediately afterward; and that after the defendant ran away, and upon his arrest near the Carson River, he first inquired about Heather's health, which indicates Deyerle did not mean to kill Heather.
Testifying on behalf of the victim in the penalty phase were her father, mother, younger brother, her step-brother and a friend.
Testifying for the defense in the penalty phase were Deyerle's mother, a close friend, his grandmother and grandfather. His friend testified that Deyerle had a tough early life, including a brother who abused him, and that he had been diagnosed with ADHD and a learning disability. She said he had never been violent.....Schlegelmilch asked family members if Deyerle had ever expressed anything other than regret about the killing of his wife, and they all said no. "
Not verbatim, but a summary for you.
My question is what would make someone think, even in a fit of passion, that shooting at someone, other than in self defense, was an option. Which is why I have read a lot of crime books and watch so many of the crime and detective shows on TV. For years I have thought that along with the reading, writing and arithmetic, the subject of human decency and respect should be a required subject in the curriculum of all schools, starting in the earliest grades, everywhere. Perhaps the UN could work on that.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
What am I going to wear!!!!
Consistent with the dignity and decorum of the Court, the following attire will be required for Court appearance:
(A) Male: Long or short sleeve dress-type shirts; slacks or dress-type denim trousers, shoes or boots.
(B) Female; Dresses, slacks or shirts and blouses; dress shoes.
In no event will t-shirts, tank or halter-tops, shorts, soiled or unkempt clothing thongs, sandals or casual exercise apparel be allowed.
Let me be clear. I didn't have to have instructions in order to dignify this serious duty with appropriate apparel. What I did initially think was that I needed to loose 30 pounds in three days in order to fit into any of the appropriate clothing I now possess. And if it turned out that the case required us to be sequestered for several days.....!
So I went into the mode I usually go through when I prepare to be away from home for vacation or such. PANIC!!!! I try on all wardrobe possibilities, make lists, go through my toiletries, make more lists and on and on until it is 1:35 of the night before and I have to get up at 6:45 the next morning. Well, I got into bed and tossed and turned until, of course, 5:38 when I had to get up and pee. Healthy REM was out of the question now. I dressed in black RL slacks, a pink RL long sleeve blouse with black stripes, white collar and cuffs adding a black Claibourne tie from my husbands huge collection, the knot hanging loosely several inches below the collar of my blouse. I was pleased with my dignified appearance. I slipped into my navy Crocs, intending to change into black dress shoes before entering the courthouse (but, I forgot until I was sitting in a jurors seat and unable to do anything about it).
Anyway, I drove off. The drive was pleasant and uneventful. When I turned onto Main Street behind several cars I had been following and or had been following me most of the way, I realized we must all be going to the same place, The Lyon County Courthouse. The setting was straight out of that Grisham book where the lawyers house gets burned down. What was the name of that book? Excuse me a minute. I must go to Amazon.com and find out. (A passage of time.........) "A Time To Kill" is the name of the book.
I was transported a hundred years as I stepped through the huge wooden doors, then the more modern glass ones. A worn wooden staircase loomed before me. Typed instructions taped to the front doors had directed me to Court Room 1 on the second floor. I climbed the stairs and waited with the others circled against the walls around the landing, inspecting the interesting pattern of the worn black and white marble floor, the elaborate dark wood crown molding, wainscoting and paneling while waiting for the door to Court Room 1 to open. When it did , we all herded in and took a seat. There were more people than the 112 seats, perhaps three dozen more, and they all crowded around the walls. The architecture here was as equally fascinating to me as the rest had been. The movie "To Kill a Mockingbird" immediately came to mind. I wouldn't have been surprised to see the lawyers in suspenders when they finally came out.
The defendant was sitting alone at the defense table when we entered the courtroom. He wore dark rimmed glasses, a short sleeve white shirt that obviously had just come out of a new package, a tie of horizontal stripes in various shades of blue, chinos and a dark belt. His hair was shaved almost bald, but it was obviously very dark and a fraction of an inch longer like a rice bowl on top of his head. From the jury seat I later realized that initially I sat directly behind members of his family. I had wondered about that when I noticed that two of the girls in front of me looked related to each other and were whispering to one another and at one point I saw one of them quietly crying. (I have always been intuitive like that).
I wanted to take this time to apologize for all the years that I smoked and sat next to people smelling like an ashtray. I seem to have chosen a seat surrounded by smokers and I couldn't just get up and move. So now I know. Sorry.
We were instructed to stand. The judge entered and sat behind his imposing podium, then instructed us to sit. We sat. He greeted us cordially and thanked us for coming. He asked us to respond with "here" when the court clerk called our name (The people in front of me never responded....another clue to their identity). And then he told us. And I could physically feel the heavy onus that was felt in the room when the judge announced that the case we were here for was one of "Murder in the first degree".
The jury box on the right side of the courtroom consisted of two rows of six old swivel wooden arm chairs attached to the floor with a smaller box on the right having four more of the same chair. There were two rows of brown folding chairs set up in front of the jury box. The clerk turned the handle of a tumbler, opened the door of it and pulled out a small piece of paper, then read aloud the name on it. My name was the sixth to be called and I took my seat.
When everyone was seated the judge explained how the selection of the twelve jurors and two alternates would be selected. He would ask us some general questions. The defense attorney would ask us more specific questions and then the prosecutor would ask us questions. We were instructed to raise our hands if we had a positive answer to the questions asked. I felt like I raised my hand more often than most. In my previous jury experience, most of the questions that the judge asked had been answered on a questionnaire before we filed into the courtroom. Also in my previous jury duty they told us what the case was about before they asked if we had heard about it. If you were only told that it was a case of murder in the first degree how would you answer the question, "Do you have any knowledge of the facts in this case?"
As the questions were asked some people would be thanked for their honesty and excused. The clerk would reach into the "Bingo like" drum and call another name. After we had been seated for a little over an hour the judge called for a fifteen minute recess, instructing us to not discuss the case amongst each other or with anyone else, not to read any newspapers or listen to any TV or radio news and to sit in the same seats we now occupied when we returned from our break.
As we were filing out I was standing next to the prosecuting attorney when some perspective jurors complained to him about a group of people who were talking with each other, obviously not in the jury pool and were very distracting. I had noticed them when we were waiting to come in to the courtroom and questioned whether they were perspective jurors because they all reminded me of Ozzie Osbourne and wore medal medallions around there necks that were five point stars inside a circle. When we returned from our break they were no longer in the courtroom.
The questioning continued until there were no more positive answers and no more questions. I was still seated. The judge excused the remaining jury pool still in the audience and called for a thirty minute recess, instructing us to sit in the courtroom seats when we returned.
We waited maybe ten to fifteen minutes in the courtroom before the accused, the deputies, lawyers, stenographer, clerk, etc and finally the judge returned. The judge reassured all of us that we shouldn't feel bad because we had all been deemed worthy to serve. Then the twelve jurors and two alternates, that had been selected, took their seats as the clerk called their names. It felt a bit like choosing up teams for a baseball game, "will I be chosen?" I wasn't. I was sorta disappointed and relieved at the same time. The thought of not having to possibly be sequestered for a week and a half or more, or having to get up unnaturally early (for me) and driving an hour each way every day for that long was relieving. I drove home.
That next night on the news the accused was shown in black and white stripe prison garb, hands in cuffs clasped in front of his body, shuffling into the courtroom (not the same one I had been in the day before) with ankle restraints to be arraigned, last year. And the newsman said, "A Dayton man accused of killing his estranged wife in her parents driveway now is on trial. Opening statements were held today in the murder trial of 26 year old Christopher D. Prosecutors say last year D shot and killed his wife, 24 year old Heather Green D. Lyon Co. authorities caught him the next day. He reportedly told deputies that he intended to kill himself but he ran out of bullets. He faces life in prison if he's convicted."
I will keep you informed.
Friday, September 07, 2007
I am told to be prepared to stay all day or for a number of consecutive days. Whoa, now! I'm hoping I will be able to come home. How would one prepare for something like this?
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Well, no one asked me to do this, so why am I torturing myself?
1) I like that I paint amazing watercolors. I also draw really well. I like to say that I studied art in Europe cause it sounds cool. And I did really, when my husband was in the Air Force and we were stationed in Germany. One of the other wives was an art teacher and taught in her home. She was very good and I learned a lot about drawing, mixing colors, perspective, etc. And it was an inspiration for me to keep playing with it. After my husband retired from the Air Force 23 years later I decided to treat myself to some professional watercolors after reading several books on the subject from the library. I played around and was surprised at how good what I painted was. So, I signed up for watercolor classes that were being offered through the City Parks and Recreation Dept. I surprised myself, my teacher and everyone who saw my paintings. I joined an art group and a watercolor group shortly after we moved here. The watercolor group met only once to paint together. The art group met the second Tuesday of every month. There were all kinds of media represented. Once a year in July they had an "Art Sale, House and Garden Tour". I wasn't ready to sell any of my paintings at the first sale, but I displayed some. The night before the event my sister in law died and I was unable to attend. I was later told that my paintings were very well received and I could have sold them all if I'd wanted to. I haven't really painted anything seriously since then. I have been planning one though.
2) I like that I love babies and that they love me. This has been so since I was a very small child, 6 or 7 years old.
3) I like that I will stand up for others, even strangers. A recent example was when I was checking out at Ross several months ago. A young woman was arguing with a cashier at another register, in a very loud voice, about not being able to get cash back for an item she was returning without a receipt and asked for the manager. The cashier sent her over to the cashier who was checking me out She started cussing and screaming and I just spoke up and said, "Now wait a minute. I don't care how upset you are, that kind of language is totally uncalled for." She looked at me and I kept my eyes glued to hers. She said something, though I don't remember what (except that it didn't contain cuss words), turned around in a huff , grabbed the article she was trying to get cash for from the counter at the other register and went out the door. I was like frozen. The cashier said, "Thank you so much. She has been in here before causing trouble." I said, "Well that was uncalled for." I may have said other stuff before I picked up my package and walked halfway to the door before I realized that I hadn't paid for my stuff yet. So, I turned around, saw everyone was staring at me, walked back, apologized and paid. My husband tells me all the time that I don't have to be the "Policewoman of the World", and I have repressed this trait in me, especially when I am with him. But, I am just now realizing that he doesn't like it because he does not like confrontation. Hmmmmmmm.......
4) I like that I will tell you if your slip is showing (though many of you may not even know what a slip is!), if you come out of the restroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe, will tuck in the label of your blouse or let you know you have mayonnaise on the corner of your mouth. Because I would be grateful if you told me. Sorta like #3.
5) I like that I have beautiful natural dark blond hair with golden highlights and only a few wisps of white by my ears ( which is not visible unless I pull my hair back). Most women my age have been totally gray for years. Woooo who.....
6) I like that I have not given up.
7) I like that I rise to an occasion, step up to the plate, generously lend a hand, am willing to take charge if no one else is.
8) I like that I am empathetic. Extremely so.
9) I like that I had all those boulders in my life to push aside, go around, over or under. As a result I am stronger, wiser, have more faith, more love, more patience, more understanding and compassion.
10) I like that I have always wanted to know things and would go on long expeditions in my mind until I was satisfied.
10a) I like that I quit smoking one year, five months, two weeks and one day ago. It is not that I don't still want to have just one, every once in awhile. It is like wanting to jump a tall dark and handsome strangers bones, but know I won't.
10b) I like that I raised two beautiful babies that grew into beautiful adults.
10c) I like that I am finally realizing what it feels like to love myself.
This is easier once you get started!!! I would recommend it to anyone that stops by who hasn't done it already.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The week before I had spent 24 hours in false labor and been sent home.
July 24th I had an OB appointment. My husband was scheduled to fly with the Wing Commander. Seven year old Lucky woke up that morning with chicken pox!
When you are an Air Force wife the subject of whether or not your husband will be around for the births of your children comes up in conversation a lot. It was well known that a mission would not be cancelled for the birth of a baby, much less because your daughter had broke out in chicken pox the morning of your OB appointment.
I sat Lucky, covered in calamine lotion, on the big expanse of lawn in front of the Base Hospital near a tree with orange juice, donuts and Barbies. I could see her from the waiting room window until I went in for my appointment.
I was weighed, my blood pressure and temperature taken, then left to undress and wait for the doctor. When taking the first step to get onto the exam table a rush of warm green liquid gushed to the floor. My water had broke! I don't recall how long I stood there before someone came in.
All I could think of when I was told I was being admitted was of Lucky sitting under that tree with chicken pox. Someone called Luckyzdads squadron. Luckyzdad was taxiing for takeoff with the Wing Commander when his plane was radioed that I was being admitted and Lucky was sitting in the middle of the lawn at the hospital with chicken pox (he had not known about the chicken pox). If he had been scheduled to fly that day with anyone other than the Wing Commander he would have had to finish the mission. The Wing Commander cancelled the flight.
Lucky was rescued from under the tree and my husband joined me at the hospital.
It was a very long and difficult labor. My labor was finally augmented after more than 24 hours. When I went into the delivery room exhausted, there continued to be problems and a more experienced OB was called in to do a high forceps delivery. It was then discovered, not only that Lucky had a baby brother as she had hoped for (this was before it was possible to know the sex before birth), but that he had a true knot in his umbilical cord (it is usually just a kink).
Luckyzbrother was 8# 8 1/2 0z and 21 inches long with a silky shock of thick dark hair like his Dad. He was given his fathers first name as his middle name and a derivation of my maternal grandfathers middle name for a first.
He has become an amazing, delightful man who I am very proud of.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Mrs Knight spared no expense to create a replica of an 11th century Viking castle. An army of 200 workers completed the 38 room mansion in just one summer. The grounds are now part of Emerald Bay State Park. Features of the home include delicate paintings on ceilings and walls, six Nordic fireplaces, intricately carved "dragon" beams, Scandinavian antiques and sod roofs seeded with wildflowers. There is a hiking trail off of highway 89, which is one mile in length and drops 500 feet in elevation to the house, which can be toured in the summer.(Restoration was being done in the area of the blue tarp. And many of the antiques had been removed during the recent fire which came within 4 miles of the castle.)
The round library on the Southwest corner of the Vikingsholm, built specifically to hold a round Chinese cashmere rug purchased by MrsKnight for $40,000 in 1928. The rug is still in the castle today.
Back side of Fannette Island
I just love the rocks at Lake Tahoe and paint them often.
Friday, July 13, 2007
A vague message greeted us Tuesday upon rising that said something like, "people are canceling like crazy. Call the organizer." No answer at the organizers number.
Monday, July 02, 2007
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Every day since my last post I have felt guilty because I was receiving so much comfort, entertainment, knowledge, pleasure and stimulation from reading others blogs when I hadn't posted in such a long time. How could I just step in and ask for thoughts and prayers for my dearest friend who has been diagnosed with "invasive lobular carcinoma" in her left breast.
How could I not.
She is scheduled for a mastectomy on July 24th.
I am asking for your loving thoughts and prayers.
Monday, June 04, 2007
I have wondered what happened to comments that I was so sure I had left. I just caught myself unconsciously ready to exit the comments section of a blog before publishing the thoughtful, astute, brilliant comment I had just composed and realized that "ah haw!!!@#~*&!" that must be where all those comments disappeared ! Oops! Sorry to everyone affected, but who knows who that is.
I will be more careful in the future.
Another discovery I recently made (less than an hour ago) was a website that was instrumental in me repairing three very expensive Waterman fountain pens. I meant to send them off to be repaired a long time ago. I was reminded of them as I visited beth's calligraphy blog and from there found the site that led me to repair my nibs. All three are working well now. One nib was completely broken off at the tip so I turned it into a calligraphy pen. I love fountain pens as well as smooth and creamy lined paper.
Have a happy new day!!!!!
Monday, May 28, 2007
It seems to me that the first attempt to induce me was some kind of pills under my tongue with no success.
Then the doctor broke my water, with no success.
Finally a petocin drip was started and I remember the success was fast and hard and strong. There was another mother in the same labor room with me who was having a hard time with her labor and was screaming loudly. I was focusing and breathing because of my self help Lamaze and was refusing any drugs. I was praised many times by the nurses and doctors. Soon I was transferred to a gurney wheeled into the delivery room. I broke down and consented to an epidural. And right soon . . . . .IT'S A GIRL!!!
I heard someone say they bet she would be a record 2 feet. I was wheeled into recovery and told to massage my uterus. I asked a nurse when I would get to see my baby. She told me, "At least eight hours, but probably not til the ten o'clock feeding. But, if they ever make a mistake I hope they will for you."
Then I was taken to the ward to join the other 40 new mothers. I followed all their instructions to the letter and counted the hours til I would see my baby. At 6am a train of babies were wheeled in. I laid in my bed so bummed that I would have to wait another four hours. Then I heard my name being called. I sprang up to a sitting position. They laid her in my arms. This beautiful memory is causing me to tear up as I write this. She was incredibly gorgeous with lots of long dark hair on a beautifully shaped head. I put her to my breast and she started to nurse. She and one other of the 40 babies on the ward nursed. A nurse that had been helping the other mother who was having a difficult time, came over to help me and was surprised I wasn't having any trouble at all. I waited as long as possible to return her to the train of carts that would take her away from me til the next feeding. The babies were brought to the mothers for feedings every four hours starting at 6am, except at 2am when the babies were fed in the nursery. I had requested they not give my baby anything but water, because that is what was suggested by La Leche.
My beautiful baby girl was 9 pounds 6 1/2 oz and was 23 1/4 inches long. I went in on Friday and left the hospital on Monday. I actually weighed less than I did when I got pregnant and was the only new mother leaving that day wearing clothes. All the others had to wear their robes or maternity clothes because they couldn't fit into 'real' clothes. I have always been quite proud of that.
When we got her home my Mom and I gave her a bath and while I was drying her off in my lap she stood up!!! She slept in a bassinet and would scootch up til she could go no further because she was so long. And her feet corresponded to her length, so all the beautiful booties my Mom had knit for her were too small. All her nighties were those 'Sweetpea' things I loved so much that tied at the bottom. She wore them for such a long time with the strings taken out. But, then she also wore cloth diapers.
She has become a most amazing woman.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY AMAZING DAUGHTER!!!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Special K -toni has tagged me for another meme. Probably because I have had nothing to say, because I don't want to whine. I just left some great advice on marsha's blog that I should be following. So, right now my life is not wonderful, but I think it is wonderful that I am still alive.
So many of you have taken off like rockets in your blogs with new looks and all kinds of tricky stuff. Some of it makes me dizzy, but also amused and proud.
I remember when we used to write letters by hand and put them in the mail. It was always difficult for me to finish them and get them mailed. Ten, fifteen pages and extra postage was common, as well as finding unfinished letters months later. I am sorta kinda feeling like that right now.
So on with the meme..........
Here is my list of 10 things in my life that give me pleasure. I make my life wonderful.
1. My cozy warm blanket. It is incredibly soft and warm and is the color of the coffee with cream that I drink in the morning. I cuddle on the sofa in it and add it to my side of the bed when there's a chill.
2. My bed. The name of it is nebula and it is out of this world and a king.
3. "Little Car"- a zippy little Hyundai Accent.
4. Talking on the phone with my closest friend who lives across the country and doesn't blog.
5. Bathtub drain stopper. Something I wanted to invent myself. I goes on the overflow drain of our long deep tub so the water level can be higher. I love a deep hot bath with a good book.
6. Green beans and snow crab legs which I've said before and will probably say again.
7. The view out my kitchen windows.
9. My husband, children and grandchildren.
10. Bloggers in all different kinds of packages that have opened up my world. I feel much better after sharing with you all!!
This is a great meme if you're needing a boost. Let me know if you do it. I'm running out of steam.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
This was the day we looked forward to for three years. This day was the reason we moved almost 800 miles almost four years ago. This day was the reason I tiptoed around in our marriage the past three years so as not to disturb the learning process. Most of all though, this was the day my husband had been working like a dog for, for three grueling years. Really. I know how hard he worked and how much he sacrificed for this day.
The day before we attended a reception to honor top scholars. He was THE top scholar in the UNR MBA graduate program, summa cum laude with a 4.0. It was a proud day.
May 18 though was THE day. I carefully ironed his gown and he carefully hung it in the car. We left in plenty of time to make it to the graduation ceremony, find a parking space and assemble with the other members of the graduating class for advanced degrees at 4:00 p.m. for the the processional at 4:30. About halfway there the freeway traffic slowed to a standstill.
"Oh, no!" I said.
The traffic would creep forward a car length or two and stop.
"Probably an accident." one of us said. We began to talk about the last time we were stuck on I-80 like this. It took us over 3 hours to get off the freeway. As the minutes ticked by and it was closer and closer to 4:00 p.m. we began to lament.
"The Lord does not mean for me to get there on time," my husband said.
"I wonder what He's trying to tell you," I said. And my husband laughed, I guess cause I say that a lot.
At four my husband called work wife, who was waiting at the UNR quadrangle, to let her know that we were stuck in traffic on I 80. While he was talking the traffic started moving better and then the reason for the delay was apparent. A wildfire had swept across the hills threatening to cross the freeway. We joined her after the ceremony had already begun.
I can count on my fingers the times in my life that I felt as badly as I did sitting there next to my husband listening to them not announce his name, not seeing him cross the stage in the cap, gown and hood that had been so carefully tended to and that he was so proud of (tears are falling right now remembering the sadness). It was torture and I wanted to run away, so I can't imagine how much harder it was for him to sit there next to me. It was supposed to be such a joyous, proud event. As soon as the last graduate had crossed the stage I turned to my husband and announced his name, Master of Business Administration, summa cum laude, and applauded for him. He still graduated of course, but, the parade was rained on big time. Coincidentally, while walking on the sidewalk back to the parking garage the sprinklers came on and doused us. It kinda broke the morbid tension too.
We, all three the graduate, his wife and his work wife went out to a lovely place for dinner. You know where there are white table clothes so I can drip balsamic vinegar on it from dipping wonderful herb crusty chewy bread in it. I had three delicious huge (no really huge) prawns wrapped in prosciutto, grilled, stood with tails in the air in yummy garlic mashed potatoes finished with a heavenly creamy cheesy wine sauce, green beans and those skinny little 3" carrots that they leave part of the tops on. The graduate had a unique chicken Parmesan and work wife had lasagna (which is what I think we actually all wanted), which came with separate pieces of the best Italian sausage (she gave me a bite) I have ever eaten. We all passed on dessert.
We able to laugh about it today and I suggested what he might be meant to learn from this experience. I know, I know, I shouldn't have, but bad habits are hard to break. When he went off to work this evening he took stuff to work on a resume' during his breaks. So, all is well now and I am looking forward to reconnecting to my husband now that I don't have to worry about the learning process anymore, but, darn I sure wished it hadn't happened this way.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Out of character
Please, I need advice. Someone I deeply love has recently done a 180 and I don't know what to do about it. At first I thought it was me. I have been working towards my authentic self and thought perhaps the changes I've made were being tested. Weird things keep popping up. When I share them with others whose opinions I trust, they agree that something out of the ordinary must be happening in this persons life. I am torn between: If it is something I needed to know I would have been told and what if I'm missing a scream for help. I've missed calls and been unable to call but did finally email asking what's up.
I fear sticking my nose in where it isn't wanted and fear ..... well ..... fear rejection ..... and perhaps denial ..... or that I will find out that it is all in my head.
If I have done something, I am completely unaware of what it could be. Once a long time ago one of my bestfriends stopped writing to me (I was in Guam and she was in Washington state), and not only did I not notice, I had no idea that I had said something that would upset her so much that she wouldn't correspond for two years (this was in the old days!). I would have liked to have been able to clear up what turned out to be a misunderstanding, sooner. Something similar happened with the person I am concerned about more than ten years ago and I just found out three or four years ago why.
Anyway, I digress .... I would like to hear how you might respond in a similar situation.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
A. Attached or single-attached.
B. Best friend- contact with my best friend in high school has dwindled to occasional cards the last several years.....my other best friend of almost 25 years lives across the country....we call each other often and I have visited her several times, though not recently.
C. Cake or pie-a dark, moist, dense carrot cake or my own apple or cherry pie.
D. Drink of choice-water, water and more water. .... coffee; Starbuck's House Blend with heavy whipping cream .....equal parts Dewars scotch and white creme d' menthe on the rocks.
E. Essential item-fountain pen....and either peacock or purple ink cartridges. Writing just isn't the same without them.
F. Favorite color-yellow. And I just recently realized this. I've always loved yellow but was never able to wear it, so even I thought green was my favorite color because it was the color I wore most often and that I decorated my house with .
G. Gummi bears or worms-really soft squishy gummi bears like we first had 28 years ago in Germany.
H. Hometown-I would have to say Seattle, though I now live and have lived many other places.
J. January or February-February because my grandson was born in February.
K. Kids- One of each. Both wonderful human beings.
L. Life is incomplete without-love
M. Marriage date-December 11, 1976
N. Number of siblings-1 1/2, both brothers, one I've never laid eyes on and one hasn't spoken to me since our stepfather died 7 years ago.
O. Oranges or apples-apples.....it is easier to select good apples.
P. Phobias/fears-fears.....many and varied. I was cured of my bee phobia.
Q. Favorite quote-"Dumb as dirt" and "Life is about the journey not the destination".
R. Reasons to smile-grandchildren, son, daughter, husband (not at this moment), babies, puppies, kittens, penguins, bunnies, hugs, kisses, flowers, some rocks make me smile, strawberries, when I look in the mirror and like what I see (more often lately), friends, many songs, memories, today not much.
S. Seasons-watching spring happen is my favorite.
T. Tags- toni
U. Unknown fact about me-I can't think of any facts about me that I haven't at some point told someone.
V. Vegetarian or oppressor of animals-I am prejudiced towards neither.
W. Worst habit- chewing my cuticles til they bleed and blogging.
X. X-rays or ultrasound-this is a weird question but it is a well known fact that I hate mammograms.
Y. Your favorite foods-snow crab, green beans, pasta in cream sauce, pizza.
Z. Zodiac- Sagittarius
Friday, April 27, 2007
I opened the door and there they stood. It felt like Christmas morning and they were beautiful packages waiting to be unwrapped. They lit up my life for four glorious days.
My daughter has a new whispy, shaggy hairstyle that suits her perfectly, has lost weight and glows with a new confidence since we'd last been together almost a year ago. My grandchildren were even more georgeous than the fabulous photos we'd been getting of them.
I mean our daughter and OUR grandchildren. Sorry.
I had the thought that it might be awkward for our grandchildren for a bit since it had been so long. I needn't have worried. They are two of the most exquisite human beings imaginable. REALLY. It has NOTHING to do with the fact that they are my grandchildren!!! But, mostly to do with the fact of their parenting.
I was a little jealous that they coveted Grandpa more than they did me. The next day we all went to "The Wilbur May Center" museum. The highlight was when the kids held real live snakes! Yikes! I pretended like I did it all the time so I wasn't expected to participate. (I could have if I had to).
The next night Grandpa had to work. Sad faces from both of his idolizers. After an adventure of investigating near the water and climbing Indian Rock at Pyramid Lake, we stopped in to see Grandpa at work in the casino. It must have been a bit like Chucky Cheesee on steroids for the kids walking through all the lights and noise and people. We had no trouble getting them to keep holding our hands. As soon as Granddaughter saw Grandpa she called out his name and ran at him with joy and relief.
A long trip to Tahoe was next where we had a new eating experience at Fire n' Ice. Grandson and I stayed on terra firma while the two girls took the gondola ride up to Heavenly and back. We spent some time at the shore of Lake Tahoe exploring and posing for the pro. Waiting patiently and expectantly to see the results. On the rest of the trip around the lake we stopped at the exact spot where I had taken the picture of Lake Tahoe that is on this blog.
The next day they left me><
That was me having a pity party......
It was distressing to hear that they had car trouble on the way back home and that it is going to cost a big hunk of change to fix.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
So I am just now posting this.
Well all the blogs I visit make me think:
I think that is stupid.
I think that photo is beautiful.
I think that is funny.
You see what I mean.
So, how many is it? Five? I think I must think of five blogs that I visit that make me think and then say something about why it makes me think. And of course it doesn't count that toni who tagged me is one of my favs because I feel very comfortable with her, like I 've known her for years.
biscotto is the most intriguing blog I have read. Her writing puts you in the seat right next to her. It was from one of menos favs that I found her.
Amber's' writing is compelling and gentle. She shares her past to help others and shares her lovely family perhaps to show how it is possible to overcome.
Blog Ant is a fabulous writer. Unlike me, no interpreter is necessary when you read her totally engrossing posts, no matter what they are about.
Atavist makes me think harder than any. On several occasions I ended up with many hand written pages trying to express how I felt about a certain subject he was discussing and ended up not commenting at all.
And meno, ah meno, I can't really say why I relate so totally to her blog.
And since meno is always mentioned in fabulous five memes I will add another fascinating blog.
deirdre fills her blog with the breathings of her heart.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I am anticipating a visit from my first born and her first and second born in about six hours!!!! It has been almost a year, so Granpa and I are excitavariestly looking forward to seeing them all. There have been so many changes.
So, I ask my daughter, "Tell me what kind of cereal would they like to have that you don't let them have. It will just be just for when they come to Grandma and Grandpas' house and so it won't be like you're allowing it." (This was a ritual of Grandpas' with his Grandma that he wanted to fondly continue).
First she snickered and said it was nice of me to ask, then said, "I don't know what kind of cereal it is, but something with Spiderman or some other character on it for Grandson. And there's a box with a princess on it that Granddaughter covets."
So Grandpa and I were going thru the aisles of Walmart in the wee hours of this morning giggling over new discoveries that little kids might like. Gogurts to name just one. Grandpa was thrilled to find that Spidey was on the box of his favorite cereal, "Cocoa Puffs"! I thought about, but didn't get Sugar Smacks for Lucky.
And now I must get a bunch of stuff done before they get here. And probably won't have much to say to any of you til after they all head back home Sunday with a big piece of my heart. I'm talking about comments cause you know how lousy I am in the Post department. I know you'll miss me and I you. Maybe.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
I just really have wanted to know. First, why I was fat, instead of searching for ways to lose weight. That question took me through the process of self analysis, reading, exercises, self hypnosis. And what I found was that I had been molested by my father when I was still in diapers. That I screamed and hit my kids because I was full of anger not because they were doing bad things. That I was controlling because I had been abandoned by everyone I ever loved. That I sabotaged myself because I thought I was an evil person because I thought I did evil things. That I was an adult child of an alcoholic as well as having been a codependent wife of an alcoholic ex-husband. And what became clear to me is that when you clear up one thing the way is open to work on something else when you are searching for clarity.
One thing that has become clear to me is that when I started to believe I was fat, I really wasn't. When I was in the fifth grade everyone was required to be weighed. The results were listed on the blackboard. I was the heaviest in the whole class. I have carried that humility with me to this day. Unknown to me at the time, I was also the oldest because of my birth date. I was two and a half months shy of being seven years old when I started first grade. Looking at pictures of me taken during that time, it is obvious that I was not fat. But, I believed the lie and the lie grew bigger and so did I.
I continue to uncover lies that I believed of myself and also truths, some good, some bad some beautiful. I am grateful that I started this journey of self discovery. It is changing my life.
There is a famous quote about an unexamined life........ ?
Monday, April 09, 2007
It has been at least a decade, probably two, since I wrote these words. I was practicing a new alphabet in calligraphy by putting these thoughts down. The sentiment between us is even stronger now, but I am kinder to myself. I am tossing out the calligraphy and thought this would be a good place to save the words. My friend is going through a very tough time right now, recently having lost her mother and a dear dear friend, so the piece of my heart that belongs to her is hurting right now.
How does it happen? I felt right off that we'd be friends, though it seemed so unlikely. She is such a classy elegant lady, so friendly and considerate. And so beautiful. The shiny marvel of her raven black hair against the delicate ivory of her skin is enchanting. Her features are perfect, her expressions inviting. People stand close to her.
I on the other hand am not so magnetic and take some getting used to. Mousy blond hair, brooding eyes with flabby lids, and equally flabby body, but I do have perfectly beautiful teeth, even though they're encased inside a turned down mouth. The whole effect being a perpetual look of anger, unless disturbed by a pleasant thought, which barely manages to save me from being ugly. So, in looks and manners we couldn't be more different.
But, it continually amazes us how much alike our thoughts are, how cohesive our feelings. Vividly we feel each others successes, disappointments, joys, sorrows and frustrations. We both feel that the other is superior and it came as quite a surprise to find too, that each of us feels the most blessed by our relationship!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
I was tagged by toni, the only blogger who cares about me, for this:
All About Me(me)
3 things that scare me:
....Speaking in front of a microphone without a script
....Answering our home phone
....Making appointments on the phone
3 bloggers that make me laugh :
3 things I love:
....Old things-I love ghost towns, castles, ruins, old structures, old gravestones, old growth forests, antiques, etc.
3 things I hate:
3 things I don't understand:
3 things on my desk (worktable):
....Magnifying swing arm lamp
....A cucumber metal brush holder
3 things I'm doing right now:
....Baking an angel food cake
....I was reading blogs right before toni emailed me
....Trying to be clever and entertaining
3 things I want to do before I die:
....See Andrew Wyeths painting titled "Widows Walk" again
....Visit England again
3 things I can do:
....Touch my nose with my tongue
....Have multiple orgasms
....Count in Hawaiian
3 things I can't do:
....Get an erection
....Count in Russian
3 things I think you should listen to:
....Your spouse (not necessarily in that order)
3 things I think you should never listen to:
....Get rich quick schemes
3 things I'd like to learn:
....How to use my cell phone
....How to use our label maker
....How to do more on the computer
3 favorite foods:
....Pasta in cream sauce
3 shows I watched as a kid:
....(Hey kids, what time is it?) Howdy Doody
....The Cisco Kid
....The Love Ranger
3 people I tag
Saturday, March 31, 2007
My personal quest for enlightenment and self actualization started for me in earnest a short time after May of 1986 when my husband and I were separated for almost a year. (I like to say that for the shock value!) It was not choice that separated us, but a new job that took my husband 1500 miles away. We thought we had sold our home in New Mexico. My husband went to California for training for his new job. The kids and I house hunted in Spokane, Washington and were excited about what we had found. When we returned to New Mexico though we learned that the couple who had bought our house could not qualify for the loan. With great disappointment for my husband and I the house went back on the market and the kids and I stayed put. The kids didn't mind so much not having to leave their friends.
So, for a year I was a single stay at home Mom. Most of my friends had moved away. And of course my husband was 1500 miles away. "No more eggs to fry......" Yes, I did have a pity party, for just a bit. The house was always at it's best, ready to show to a prospective buyer should a realtor call. So, when the kids were at school I had lots of time on my hands. I decided to spend this time productively.
Whether it was true or not is another story, but, I had believed myself to be fat since the forth grade. And I decided one more time that I was going to conquer the fat. I went to the library often and spent a lot of time reading the treasures I would bring home. I remember sitting at the typewriter typing an eating plan after reading several books by Geneen Roth. And while typing I had an Ah hah moment! This day was the first time I asked myself why. Why was I fat? I changed direction and started reading and working through "The Viscott Method a Revolutionary Program for Self-Analysis and Self Understanding" by David S. Viscott. Thus the journey began.
It was at this time that "The Oprah Winfree Show" was nationally sindicated and I was hooked after the first show that I watched. Through Oprah I was introduced to Wayne Dyer, Gary Zukav, Harville Hendriks, Dr. Phil and Depok Chopra, to name a few. Then while visiting a friend back east I watched the Wisdom Channel and discovered Louise Haye. While talking on the phone with another distant friend she mentioned a book titled something about loving yourself. I didn't write it down, but looked for it the next time I was in the library. What I came up with was titled something like "How to Love Yourself". I have it in a box in the garage I think. It turned out not to be the book my friend was talking about, but it's simple message was essential for me. There was also Marianne Williamson, John Gray, John Bradshaw, Jung, even Covey and Freud. Yes, I've read them all and more. I am, if nothing else, well read!!!
I am not in total agreement with everything everyone of them mutters. Neither do I discount everything they say because I don't agree with every detail. I just really have wanted to know.
I must have been born curious, always wanting to be the fly on the wall. My older brother always had his friends and would be off somewhere with them. I would be with my Mom and her friends listening to them gossip and talk about their biggest concern, how to lose weight. Anytime there would be people gathered talking I had my ears close by. And I kept many secrets because somehow I knew that if I repeated any of what I was hearing I would not be allowed to listen anymore. I still have many secrets locked inside. do do.........do do (that was an attempt at the 'Twilight Zone' music).
Anyway, there I went, off on a tangent and forgetting where I was going with this, which is why I don't post much and spend a lot of time watching the cursor blink.
I just really have wanted to know.