Friday, April 27, 2007



I opened the door and there they stood. It felt like Christmas morning and they were beautiful packages waiting to be unwrapped. They lit up my life for four glorious days.

My daughter has a new whispy, shaggy hairstyle that suits her perfectly, has lost weight and glows with a new confidence since we'd last been together almost a year ago. My grandchildren were even more georgeous than the fabulous photos we'd been getting of them.

I mean our daughter and OUR grandchildren. Sorry.

I had the thought that it might be awkward for our grandchildren for a bit since it had been so long. I needn't have worried. They are two of the most exquisite human beings imaginable. REALLY. It has NOTHING to do with the fact that they are my grandchildren!!! But, mostly to do with the fact of their parenting.

I was a little jealous that they coveted Grandpa more than they did me. The next day we all went to "The Wilbur May Center" museum. The highlight was when the kids held real live snakes! Yikes! I pretended like I did it all the time so I wasn't expected to participate. (I could have if I had to).

The next night Grandpa had to work. Sad faces from both of his idolizers. After an adventure of investigating near the water and climbing Indian Rock at Pyramid Lake, we stopped in to see Grandpa at work in the casino. It must have been a bit like Chucky Cheesee on steroids for the kids walking through all the lights and noise and people. We had no trouble getting them to keep holding our hands. As soon as Granddaughter saw Grandpa she called out his name and ran at him with joy and relief.

A long trip to Tahoe was next where we had a new eating experience at Fire n' Ice. Grandson and I stayed on terra firma while the two girls took the gondola ride up to Heavenly and back. We spent some time at the shore of Lake Tahoe exploring and posing for the pro. Waiting patiently and expectantly to see the results. On the rest of the trip around the lake we stopped at the exact spot where I had taken the picture of Lake Tahoe that is on this blog.

The next day they left me><
That was me having a pity party......

It was distressing to hear that they had car trouble on the way back home and that it is going to cost a big hunk of change to fix.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Thinking Bloggers Meme

I have been entertaining my daughter and grandchildren since dinner time on Wednesday right after I was given a thinkers award from toni.

So I am just now posting this.

Well all the blogs I visit make me think:
I think that is stupid.
I think that photo is beautiful.
I think that is funny.
You see what I mean.
So, how many is it? Five? I think I must think of five blogs that I visit that make me think and then say something about why it makes me think. And of course it doesn't count that toni who tagged me is one of my favs because I feel very comfortable with her, like I 've known her for years.

biscotto is the most intriguing blog I have read. Her writing puts you in the seat right next to her. It was from one of menos favs that I found her.

Amber's' writing is compelling and gentle. She shares her past to help others and shares her lovely family perhaps to show how it is possible to overcome.

Blog Ant is a fabulous writer. Unlike me, no interpreter is necessary when you read her totally engrossing posts, no matter what they are about.

Atavist makes me think harder than any. On several occasions I ended up with many hand written pages trying to express how I felt about a certain subject he was discussing and ended up not commenting at all.

And meno, ah meno, I can't really say why I relate so totally to her blog.
And since meno is always mentioned in fabulous five memes I will add another fascinating blog.

deirdre fills her blog with the breathings of her heart.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Here they come!!!!!!


I am anticipating a visit from my first born and her first and second born in about six hours!!!! It has been almost a year, so Granpa and I are excitavariestly looking forward to seeing them all. There have been so many changes.

So, I ask my daughter, "Tell me what kind of cereal would they like to have that you don't let them have. It will just be just for when they come to Grandma and Grandpas' house and so it won't be like you're allowing it." (This was a ritual of Grandpas' with his Grandma that he wanted to fondly continue).

First she snickered and said it was nice of me to ask, then said, "I don't know what kind of cereal it is, but something with Spiderman or some other character on it for Grandson. And there's a box with a princess on it that Granddaughter covets."

So Grandpa and I were going thru the aisles of Walmart in the wee hours of this morning giggling over new discoveries that little kids might like. Gogurts to name just one. Grandpa was thrilled to find that Spidey was on the box of his favorite cereal, "Cocoa Puffs"! I thought about, but didn't get Sugar Smacks for Lucky.

And now I must get a bunch of stuff done before they get here. And probably won't have much to say to any of you til after they all head back home Sunday with a big piece of my heart. I'm talking about comments cause you know how lousy I am in the Post department. I know you'll miss me and I you. Maybe.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

One thing leads to another II

One Thing Leads to Another - Part II

I just really have wanted to know. First, why I was fat, instead of searching for ways to lose weight. That question took me through the process of self analysis, reading, exercises, self hypnosis. And what I found was that I had been molested by my father when I was still in diapers. That I screamed and hit my kids because I was full of anger not because they were doing bad things. That I was controlling because I had been abandoned by everyone I ever loved. That I sabotaged myself because I thought I was an evil person because I thought I did evil things. That I was an adult child of an alcoholic as well as having been a codependent wife of an alcoholic ex-husband. And what became clear to me is that when you clear up one thing the way is open to work on something else when you are searching for clarity.

One thing that has become clear to me is that when I started to believe I was fat, I really wasn't. When I was in the fifth grade everyone was required to be weighed. The results were listed on the blackboard. I was the heaviest in the whole class. I have carried that humility with me to this day. Unknown to me at the time, I was also the oldest because of my birth date. I was two and a half months shy of being seven years old when I started first grade. Looking at pictures of me taken during that time, it is obvious that I was not fat. But, I believed the lie and the lie grew bigger and so did I.

I continue to uncover lies that I believed of myself and also truths, some good, some bad some beautiful. I am grateful that I started this journey of self discovery. It is changing my life.

There is a famous quote about an unexamined life........ ?


Monday, April 09, 2007

Closer Than a Friend


It has been at least a decade, probably two, since I wrote these words. I was practicing a new alphabet in calligraphy by putting these thoughts down. The sentiment between us is even stronger now, but I am kinder to myself. I am tossing out the calligraphy and thought this would be a good place to save the words. My friend is going through a very tough time right now, recently having lost her mother and a dear dear friend, so the piece of my heart that belongs to her is hurting right now.


How does it happen? I felt right off that we'd be friends, though it seemed so unlikely. She is such a classy elegant lady, so friendly and considerate. And so beautiful. The shiny marvel of her raven black hair against the delicate ivory of her skin is enchanting. Her features are perfect, her expressions inviting. People stand close to her.

I on the other hand am not so magnetic and take some getting used to. Mousy blond hair, brooding eyes with flabby lids, and equally flabby body, but I do have perfectly beautiful teeth, even though they're encased inside a turned down mouth. The whole effect being a perpetual look of anger, unless disturbed by a pleasant thought, which barely manages to save me from being ugly. So, in looks and manners we couldn't be more different.

But, it continually amazes us how much alike our thoughts are, how cohesive our feelings. Vividly we feel each others successes, disappointments, joys, sorrows and frustrations. We both feel that the other is superior and it came as quite a surprise to find too, that each of us feels the most blessed by our relationship!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

All About Me(me)

Three Things
Three Things
Three Things
I was tagged by toni, the only blogger who cares about me, for this:

All About Me(me)

3 things that scare me:
....Speaking in front of a microphone without a script
....Answering our home phone
....Making appointments on the phone
3 bloggers that make me laugh :
3 things I love:
....Old things-I love ghost towns, castles, ruins, old structures, old gravestones, old growth forests, antiques, etc.
3 things I hate:
....Uncomfortable shoes
3 things I don't understand:
....My husband
3 things on my desk (worktable):
....Magnifying swing arm lamp
....Watercolor paraphernalia
....A cucumber metal brush holder
3 things I'm doing right now:
....Baking an angel food cake
....I was reading blogs right before toni emailed me
....Trying to be clever and entertaining
3 things I want to do before I die:
....See Andrew Wyeths painting titled "Widows Walk" again
....Visit England again
....Visit Italy
3 things I can do:
....Touch my nose with my tongue
....Have multiple orgasms
....Count in Hawaiian
3 things I can't do:
....Get an erection
....Count in Russian
3 things I think you should listen to:
....Your heart
....Your children
....Your spouse (not necessarily in that order)
3 things I think you should never listen to:
....Self condemnation
....Get rich quick schemes
3 things I'd like to learn:
....How to use my cell phone
....How to use our label maker
....How to do more on the computer
3 favorite foods:
....Green beans
....Pasta in cream sauce
3 shows I watched as a kid:
....(Hey kids, what time is it?) Howdy Doody
....The Cisco Kid
....The Love Ranger
3 people I tag
and you