My husband goes back to class tonight. This is the last one he needs for graduation but it is suppose to be a particularly grueling one. This means that my blog time will be cut down cause he will be needing the computer.
I had a disturbing dream last night that I was being stalked by a very young,very gorgeous man. Then I realized (or analyzed) why I had this dream. I had been working with my son to learn how to blog on 'my space' and he told all his friends to subscribe to my blog. As he put it,
"If you know me, most of you know my Mom."
My son is 28 as are most of his friends, so, so far, 'my space' is scary. I am flattered though that his friends remember me fondly and welcome me. I am the only Mom I've found while navigating from my sons' blog. They don't blog very often and when they do it sometimes doesn't make much sense. Anyway, one of my sons friends who doesn't know me commented that I was a good lookin' babe or something like that (I posted the same picture that you see that was taken about five years ago and is my fav). And don't you know that despite the fact that the picture was taken 4o pounds ago I was like walking on a cloud. And I think that is where my dream came from.
Lately I have been very down on myself. I had many thoughts on who, what, when, where and why to blame it on emotionally but knew intellectually that it was something I choose for myself. I choose to feel like a slug. And I was just reminding myself to "SNAP OUT OF IT' when I read the 'my space' comment.
In my emotionally gloomy mood the problems I'd been having physically were magnified. This past Friday I went for my yearly visit to the doctor where I expected him to tell me I had two weeks to live. What I found out was that I had only been one and a half pounds off the 40 pounds I'd estimated that I'd gained since I stopped smoking (so of course I blamed the weight gain on stopping smoking). My blood pressure was way high and the corpsman taking it thought I was having a stroke or heart attack because he asked me if I was having a headache, feeling dizzy or numb anywhere. So I reassured him that I had "white coat syndrome" and that when I took my blood pressure at home it was way low.
Then I saw the doctor. A new one since last year, who was a new one from the year before! You are used to that in the military. I had started feeling better about some of my problems from the moment I made the appointment, and the rest seemed less a worry just by being there. Then my mood was skyrocketed when, as I was about to leave, the doctor said,
"You're welcome. I really like you, you're funny."
For some reason I am noticing and remembering what a delightful person I have been and can be. If you remember my post about falling in love with myself as I just remembered this moment as I write, you too will be pleased to hear that I think I am getting there in babysteps.