Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Can I get any sadder. I'm remembering that this once was a happy time when excitement and anticipation filled my heart. It has become a time to feel sorry for myself.

When I was growing up we were real poor. We rented a small house from, and next door to, the landlords, who weren't poor and who lavished their four grandchildren with gifts every Christmas. I helped shop, wrap, decorate, clean, cook, serve, pass out gifts, and collect the discarded wrappings. I was also filled with great envy. When I had children of my own, I tried to assuage that envy by lavishing them with gifts every Christmas. Every year my husband would look at the beautifully wrapped gifts piled high around our Christmas tree and would say, "Too much!" or, "You're sure showing them landlord kids." When my children left home, I tried to keep it up from afar. It just isn't the same.

I began to rock as the tear neared my right jaw line and another tear broke out of the corner of my left eye. Noticing the tears, my mind turned away from the sad thoughts I'd been dwelling on. I grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and wiped the tears away.

"I'm imagining that everyone else in the world is smiling. How ridiculous. I have chosen to feel sorry for myself and I can chose differently!" I thought as a spark of joy started to grow.

I think I will have myself a happy new day! After all, it is almost the most wonderful day of the year and I don't want to miss it by feeling sad!


  1. I always seem to have a hard time at Xmas too. I hope your kids are able to carry the joy you brought to their childhood at christmas time with them always, just as we carry the sorrow of ours.

    Love you!

  2. Peace and joy to you! Turn that frown upside-down!

    ...just wait till my kids are grown. *snort* I will be a huge cry baby.


  3. It is hard, sometimes, not to feel envious of others. I've discovered that no matter how brilliant someone's life appears from the outside, every one carries a burden on the inside. Every one. We all have times to weep and laugh. I'm glad that you've chosen the later.

    Happy New Year to you, too. Many blessings on your life in 2009.

  4. I hope your Christmas was wonderful and happy and that the new year brings good things your way.

    I just read a couple posts about your surgery - hope you're feeling better.

  5. THanks all. What a bunch of sweeties! And Happy New Year if I haven't made it to your blog yet this year!

  6. I'm proud of you for deciding to choose differently. It takes great strength to do that. I hope you did have a happy new day and that your new year is filled with peace and hope and joy.

  7. What a wise, wonderful, post. My heart goes out to you. It's hard to stay happy this time of year. I hope your new year is brighter!


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