One thing leads to another

One Thing Leads to Another


My personal quest for enlightenment and self actualization started for me in earnest a short time after May of 1986 when my husband and I were separated for almost a year. (I like to say that for the shock value!) It was not choice that separated us, but a new job that took my husband 1500 miles away. We thought we had sold our home in New Mexico. My husband went to California for training for his new job. The kids and I house hunted in Spokane, Washington and were excited about what we had found. When we returned to New Mexico though we learned that the couple who had bought our house could not qualify for the loan. With great disappointment for my husband and I the house went back on the market and the kids and I stayed put. The kids didn't mind so much not having to leave their friends.

So, for a year I was a single stay at home Mom. Most of my friends had moved away. And of course my husband was 1500 miles away. "No more eggs to fry......" Yes, I did have a pity party, for just a bit. The house was always at it's best, ready to show to a prospective buyer should a realtor call. So, when the kids were at school I had lots of time on my hands. I decided to spend this time productively.

Whether it was true or not is another story, but, I had believed myself to be fat since the forth grade. And I decided one more time that I was going to conquer the fat. I went to the library often and spent a lot of time reading the treasures I would bring home. I remember sitting at the typewriter typing an eating plan after reading several books by Geneen Roth. And while typing I had an Ah hah moment! This day was the first time I asked myself why. Why was I fat? I changed direction and started reading and working through "The Viscott Method a Revolutionary Program for Self-Analysis and Self Understanding" by David S. Viscott. Thus the journey began.

It was at this time that "The Oprah Winfree Show" was nationally sindicated and I was hooked after the first show that I watched. Through Oprah I was introduced to Wayne Dyer, Gary Zukav, Harville Hendriks, Dr. Phil and Depok Chopra, to name a few. Then while visiting a friend back east I watched the Wisdom Channel and discovered Louise Haye. While talking on the phone with another distant friend she mentioned a book titled something about loving yourself. I didn't write it down, but looked for it the next time I was in the library. What I came up with was titled something like "How to Love Yourself". I have it in a box in the garage I think. It turned out not to be the book my friend was talking about, but it's simple message was essential for me. There was also Marianne Williamson, John Gray, John Bradshaw, Jung, even Covey and Freud. Yes, I've read them all and more. I am, if nothing else, well read!!!

I am not in total agreement with everything everyone of them mutters. Neither do I discount everything they say because I don't agree with every detail. I just really have wanted to know.

I must have been born curious, always wanting to be the fly on the wall. My older brother always had his friends and would be off somewhere with them. I would be with my Mom and her friends listening to them gossip and talk about their biggest concern, how to lose weight. Anytime there would be people gathered talking I had my ears close by. And I kept many secrets because somehow I knew that if I repeated any of what I was hearing I would not be allowed to listen anymore. I still have many secrets locked inside. do do.........do do (that was an attempt at the 'Twilight Zone' music).

Anyway, there I went, off on a tangent and forgetting where I was going with this, which is why I don't post much and spend a lot of time watching the cursor blink.

I just really have wanted to know.