Saturday, March 31, 2007

One thing leads to another

One Thing Leads to Another

My personal quest for enlightenment and self actualization started for me in earnest a short time after May of 1986 when my husband and I were separated for almost a year. (I like to say that for the shock value!) It was not choice that separated us, but a new job that took my husband 1500 miles away. We thought we had sold our home in New Mexico. My husband went to California for training for his new job. The kids and I house hunted in Spokane, Washington and were excited about what we had found. When we returned to New Mexico though we learned that the couple who had bought our house could not qualify for the loan. With great disappointment for my husband and I the house went back on the market and the kids and I stayed put. The kids didn't mind so much not having to leave their friends.

So, for a year I was a single stay at home Mom. Most of my friends had moved away. And of course my husband was 1500 miles away. "No more eggs to fry......" Yes, I did have a pity party, for just a bit. The house was always at it's best, ready to show to a prospective buyer should a realtor call. So, when the kids were at school I had lots of time on my hands. I decided to spend this time productively.

Whether it was true or not is another story, but, I had believed myself to be fat since the forth grade. And I decided one more time that I was going to conquer the fat. I went to the library often and spent a lot of time reading the treasures I would bring home. I remember sitting at the typewriter typing an eating plan after reading several books by Geneen Roth. And while typing I had an Ah hah moment! This day was the first time I asked myself why. Why was I fat? I changed direction and started reading and working through "The Viscott Method a Revolutionary Program for Self-Analysis and Self Understanding" by David S. Viscott. Thus the journey began.

It was at this time that "The Oprah Winfree Show" was nationally sindicated and I was hooked after the first show that I watched. Through Oprah I was introduced to Wayne Dyer, Gary Zukav, Harville Hendriks, Dr. Phil and Depok Chopra, to name a few. Then while visiting a friend back east I watched the Wisdom Channel and discovered Louise Haye. While talking on the phone with another distant friend she mentioned a book titled something about loving yourself. I didn't write it down, but looked for it the next time I was in the library. What I came up with was titled something like "How to Love Yourself". I have it in a box in the garage I think. It turned out not to be the book my friend was talking about, but it's simple message was essential for me. There was also Marianne Williamson, John Gray, John Bradshaw, Jung, even Covey and Freud. Yes, I've read them all and more. I am, if nothing else, well read!!!

I am not in total agreement with everything everyone of them mutters. Neither do I discount everything they say because I don't agree with every detail. I just really have wanted to know.

I must have been born curious, always wanting to be the fly on the wall. My older brother always had his friends and would be off somewhere with them. I would be with my Mom and her friends listening to them gossip and talk about their biggest concern, how to lose weight. Anytime there would be people gathered talking I had my ears close by. And I kept many secrets because somehow I knew that if I repeated any of what I was hearing I would not be allowed to listen anymore. I still have many secrets locked inside. do do (that was an attempt at the 'Twilight Zone' music).

Anyway, there I went, off on a tangent and forgetting where I was going with this, which is why I don't post much and spend a lot of time watching the cursor blink.

I just really have wanted to know.


  1. Yes, you are very well read! If this has worked for you, stick with it. I bought Dr, Phil's book, forgot which one, but it was so boring I kept falling asleep. Guess I need to wait to be enlightened.

    I know why I'm fat- I hate exercise and LOVE food. Also, I think alot of it has to do with being in a 'comfortable' relationship. Kenny and I love each other more now than the day we got married. Kenny isn't the same size as he was then (still w/i regulations,though!) and neither am I. When we were dating it drove him nuts when I obsessed over every morsel I put in my mouth. I'm happier than I have ever been! I accept that my body will never be the way it was 15 years ago, I like it better now. It's soft, as Luke put it.

    DIdn't mean to be so long winded!

  2. I love the part where you say that you don't discount everything an author says just because you don't agree with everything they say. I am sure you said it much more eloquently. Still, I agree.

  3. Quest for Clarity. It can be an interesting journey sometimes.

  4. I'm going to write a book about how the key to weight loss is diet and exercise. Think it will sell? No, me neither.

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  6. marsha-thanks for listening. I just don't think you need to through the baby out with the bathwater.

  7. b.- It's all about the journey, never the destination. Thanks for listening.

  8. toni- I read so much because I have always wanted to know.

    meno- The moment I wondered why I was overweight 20 years ago instead of trying to find one more "How To" solution, was the moment I started the journey to where I am right now.

  9. How funny that you posted about Louise this weekend, and I kinda did too today, and I hadn't seen this. I like all these people. I really love Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson. I am hoping to see her speak at the end of this month, if I can swing it.

    Do you listen to Hay House radio? I try to plug it a lot because I think it is really great, and it's free.


  10. Oh how I love the taste of food. I was born into a family of big eaters. BIG EATERS. But a couple things have been my salvation--I somehow through a horrible/wonderful twist of genetics got the "skinny" genes in the family and then married a man shorter than I am who is fit and trim and thin. When we married he was 135 pounds and I was . . . well . . .more but his lighter eating habits and good nutrition have helped me keep the baby weight off until I'm thinner than he is (though he's gained a couple pounds over the last 15 years) and we like to do active things together.

    If I'd had the genes my sisters got or married a man who can eat like my father can I'd be doomed. DOOMED.

  11. Let me know how that whole clarity thing works out for you...still searching.

  12. jenn- What is clear to me is that when you clear up one thing the way is open to work on something else.

  13. One thing leads to another is my way of life. I'll start on the laundry then notice the pillow out of place and end up on the computer to look up a recipe and spend the next 3hrs reading about celebrities. I'm getting better though.


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