Sunday, December 31, 2006


Less than five and a half hours before 2007.

My biggest accomplishment in 2006 was to end a 40 year addiction to tobacco. That addiction started after I had graduated from high school, moved to Hawaii and started working at Woolworths Ala Moana at the lunch counter as a sandwich maker for $1.15 an hour. When I went on my breaks everyone was drinking coffee and smoking. So, I bought myself a pack of Alpine menthol cigarettes because I liked the colors on the pack. Now I had something to do on my breaks!

I stopped smoking when I found out I was pregnant with Lucky and limited myself to 5 cigarettes a day when I became pregnant with Luckyzbrother (because that was considered safe at the time). I started right up again as soon as each were born. I have, at times limited myself to ever fewer cigarettes for ever longer lengths of time, never making it to zero. I stopped smoking in every room of the house except the master bedroom. Then I stopped smoking in my car. Then only smoked in the garage, my husbands truck, restaurants with smoking sections, casinos and outside. When we first moved to Reno we had no garage, but we had 3 balconies in our apartment so all the smoking went on outside including during the 2 worst Reno winters in 100 years! Brrrrrr.... Then we moved here to the relative comfort of a three car garage!

While watching the Ellen show sometime around the first of this year, she was talking to a guest who was needing to quit smoking because his wife was having a baby. And Ellen mentioned the book "The Easy Way To Quit Smoking" by Allen Carr. We had received an Amazon gift certificate from Lucky for Christmas and used that to get the book. It sat around waiting for the right time.

I had been good about exercising, walking on my new treadmill, meditating, writing affirmations and eating correctly. And I thought "now's the time," and I started reading. March 3rd I smoked my last cigarette.

Since then I have stopped exercising, walking on my new treadmill, meditating, writing affirmations and eating correctly. I have gained 30-40 pounds. But, I no longer smoke. I thought the chronic sore throat would disappear but is worse. Thought my eyes would stop watering but they're worse. I have started walking like "Festus" in "Gunsmoke" probably from lack of exercise, but I no longer smoke.

Then recently watching the Ellen show I was made aware that she, despite saying how great the book was, still smoked until recently being hypnotized. I felt so deceived.
But more likely blessed cause I stopped smoking before Ellen! Tadah!
So, now I am trying to fall in love with myself. Though I have come to realize the necessity of this, I have already written that book. I find that it is real easy to be able to claim that you love yourself but to fall in love with yourself is much trickier.

I examined the times I felt lovable, the reasons I was lovable with no help. They all sounded like lame things to be falling in love with someone for. Then I asked myself why did I fall in love with my daughter? My son? My grandson? My granddaughter? And it seems that they just had to show up in my life. I fell in love with my children as soon as I knew they were growing inside me, my grandchildren as soon as I knew they were on their way. And I have not stopped loving any of them even though they have all behaved in onerous ways.

So how do I love me the way I love those four unconditionally? They are a part of me! Aren't I the biggest part of myself?!!! This makes sense to me intellectually. I will continue to pray for it to reach my heart so I can spread it to others.



  1. This is a beautiful post!

    How is it that we can love everyone else so easily and completely loathe ourselves? I know, I struggle with the same thing.

    You hit the nail on the head. We love the others in our lives simply because they are. So why do we put conditions of the love for ourselves?

    Congratulations on quitting smoking. That is a great accomplishment. Now I'm going to go chew on what you said about falling in love with yourself. It's good food for thought for the new year to be sure.

    Happy New Year!

  2. Way to go on the smoking cessation. I know from experience, kicking an addiction is tough.
    I was told once that if you could just see yourself as your little children see couldn't help but love you. Great, honest, real post....thanks.

  3. ps. I like the new look!

  4. Wow! 40 years and you kicked it! So many people give up after failing to quit once. Thanks for sharing your tough experience - kind of gives me hope that someday I can quit blogging. My family is skeptical, but I have hope there is a life for me outside of my computer room.

    I loved your final sentiments about your unconditional love for your kids and grandkids. I've been thinking about that a lot lately as my little family has been going through some tough times and I'm realizing that the only important things in my life really are my little daughter and husband. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have them to love. Hopefully they return the sentiment!

    Big congratulations on accomplishing your goal! Shout it from the rooftops and you'll inspire many more to do the same :)

  5. Congrats on quitting smoking! That is on my to do list for 2007 and I am not looking forward to it ~

  6. fabulous post. it really is quite a difficult addiction to quit. my father never dumped the habit and passed away of lung cancer last year. kudos.

  7. Yay no smoking! Wish all that other stuff would clear up for you though! Thanks for writing about your life. I'm sure I've heard about it before but for some reason it's meaning more now that it did then (because I don't remember a thing about any of it if you've told me before LOL).

  8. Hey Luckyzmom ~

    How does one go about privately messaging you? I didn't see an e-mail link on your site, so if you get a chance, would you e-mail me?


  9. CW-I was not surprised that you would understand.
    qt, t-f-f, b. and Sarah- all addictions are just way to not deal with your emotional stuff. But that's another blog.It was definetely the Allen Carr book, "Easy Way for Women to Stop Smoking" that was the key for me.
    Sandy-I just finished readinig all your blogs and found you live in Nevada. I live in Fernley. I intend to do the 4 things blog like you did and you will see we have a lot in common. Hawaii, Germany, crab leggs and pasta in cream sauce.

  10. Luckyzmom ~

    You read ALL my blogs??? Oh dear, I'm so sorry to bore you. Did you come to the conclusion that I'm warped and crazy? If not, hang out some more and I'll soon convince you.

    I can't wait to read your "Four Things" post and see all that we have in common.

    I noticed that you lived in Fernley which is why I was trying to e-mail you. We could play a little game of "six degrees."


  11. I loved this post. And I love your picture! Lucky looks a lot like you--especially the eyes.

    Congratulations on beating the addiction! I've not had to struggle with anything like that myself, but there are dear ones in my life who have. You should be shouting from the rooftops! Yay for you!

  12. Thanks for the book mom.I quit after my birthday in 06 after 14 years.
    I also share you cunundrum about loving yourself being dificult but loving others easy. I love reading what you have or are going threw. Its like you are speaking and I happen to hear instead of you speaking to me.It makes me look at it in a different way.


A pony for your thoughts.