Wednesday, November 29, 2006


I remember the Christmas that he asked me to give him a list and he bought me everything that was on the list. I was blown away and amazed. I thanked him profusely and then ...."But, you're not supposed to get everything on the list, cause then there's no surprise," I told him. That was the last time that happened.
Then there was that Anniversary when we had to attend a black tie event and he gave me a gift in the middle of dinner with more than a hundred people surrounding us. It was so romantic. I thanked him profusely and then when we were alone...."That was so embarrassing and inappropriate," I told him. That was the last time that happened.
So now I gift myself. Our anniversary, my birthday and Christmas all come within two weeks of each other. I will buy stuff and give it to my husband to wrap for me with directions for which gift is for which occassion.
Haunting me most though is the Christmas when my daughter was about thirteen and gave me a fabulous knife set. "You spent much too much on this and must return it," I told her. Consequently she forgets me or is late on most gift giving occasions.
Not to leave my son untainted, I pretty much made the choices for him, stood over him while he wrapped them and later wrapped and sent them for him. So, now that he lives in another state, is there any wonder why he doesn't even attempt gift selecting, wrapping or sending.
I've done a lot of examining of my life and I know there are lots of explanations for why I reacted to gifts the way I did. I certainly didn't expect those reactions to have created the results that they have.


  1. Wow. Subconciousness is so powerful. I vaguely remember the knife incident. In my defense, I have your birthday gift already - just need to mail it. I do best when I am told EXACTLY what somebody wants... if I don't know exactly then I am bad about getting ANYTHING. Gift giving is daunting.

  2. No,no,no,you missed the point. No reason to defend yourself.

  3. I thought I was the only one who could see the garbawge can. I see yours?

  4. Who took my garbawge cans!

  5. I did not take your garbawge cans but I was so pleased to find out last Saturday that you are Lucky's mother which explains luckyzmom. Yay!

  6. ditto cjane.

    Also my birthday, anniversary and Christmas are within two weeks of each other.

    I know something of that feeling you have. My husband bought me a vacuum for our first Christmas (just 13 days after our wedding). It was not well received. He now refuses to buy me appliances for gifts--even when it's something I really want. One time when I was pregnant with my first child he made that tator tot casserole for dinner. The smell made me sick. He doesn't cook dinner anymore either (except when I tell him he has to cook the fish or the venison because he cooks it better than I do).

    Because I am inherently selfish I pretty much get the receiving part right a lot of the time. But not all the time.

    Thanks for posting. I loved your title. It may be better to give than to receive, but sometimes it's harder to receive than to give.

  7. Well, THAT was an honest look at yourself! It reminded me a little of me....I'm pretty good at giving,
    but I don't play fair when it comes to receiving. Thanks for sharing luckyzmom.

  8. This is the first year my husband has asked what I want without being prompted. I usually buy a few things for myself. Also, I apparently don't have to take care of telling Santa what to put in my stocking, either. I shall be surprised. I've been married 9 & 1/2 years.

    I remember when I was young, my brother & sister & I asked our mom what she wanted for Christmas. Her response was, "Oh, I don't really care, I just don't want anything that's going to just sit around and collect dust all day." My seester, who was in (I think) 3rd or 4th grade at the time, burst into tears and ran out of the room. She had already gotten Mom's present: a small (and cheap) frame in which she put a photo of herself when she was a baby.

    I'm not sure why I remember that so clearly.

  9. Luckyz - You ARE so lucky to have LRH as a daughter. Thank you for your honest and inspiring post. I need to remember to expect less and be pleasantly surprised every year. I shop a lot for myself at Christmastime because he's so afraid of not getting the right thing. But he usually throws in a surprise for me. I do the same for him.


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