While clearing clutter I came across a journal where, on August 14, 1995, I wrote the following.
"God created me in his image. Perfect. Then the moment I was born the world began it's quest to prove Him wrong. Yet, through it all I managed to figure out that I was receiving the wrong message. I went through a long and arduous process to come to the realization that all people have the ability to become totally and unconditionally loving to all people. We just have to decide to do so , starting with ourselves. If I don't believe it of myself, I can't believe it of others no matter how hard I try."
That was like a dozen years ago and I am still on a quest to reverse the negative messages buried in my subconscious. I have uncovered so much wrong thinking; stuff that was never true and stuff that is no longer true. Anyway, I just thought I'd share this.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve
Twas the night before Christmas
and all through this house,
not a creature is stirring
cause my husband is at work
and I am at my computer blogging
with my trusty mouse.
and all through this house,
not a creature is stirring
cause my husband is at work
and I am at my computer blogging
with my trusty mouse.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Feeling sad....
It's All About Cookies
It just isn't quite Christmas time without my "cheerren" around. I made a stab at creating some cheer by baking the traditional gingersnaps last night. Figured that if that worked I might graduate to baking some sugar cookies and maybe even decorate them. But then my mind swiftly went to the memories of my kids decorating them with me. I still have the Avon cookie cutters than leave impressions in the cookie dough. I would pipe a hat and scarf on the snowmen and they would dip them in sparkles. Then I would pipe on eyes, nose and buttons and they would stick on raisins and redhots. Then there were the Santas, trees and angels. I continued to do them myself after they refused to participate anymore. They still loved to eat them and kept reassuring me that they were way better than any of the cookies their friends moms made. Then they moved into their own places and I still made them and they came home for Christmas or I sent them to them. Then my husband retired, started a new career and we moved to Nevada.
So, really, I think I have been faking Christmas for a long time now. Last year I didn't even send out Christmas cards for the first time since I was probably 18. Our Christmas tree is one of those artificial prelit trees in a plaster planter that is supposed to sit outside. Last year I decorated it. So far this year, we're lucky if someone plugs the lights in. We've decided no stockings hung by the chimney with care for the first time (It's a gas fireplace anyway).
Maybe I should try making "the little white guys". They are my version of Russian teacakes or Mexican wedding cookies. I shape them into little logs and bake them a little longer than most. As soon as they come out of the oven I set them in a half inch layer of powdered sugar, then I sift another half inch layer on top of them. I decorate them by piping on two green leaves to represent holy and add a redhot. My husband always warns, "Hold your breath when you put them in your mouth or the powdered sugar will suffocate you". He would walk over hot coals for these things. They melt in your mouth and take you to a place you should only go during sex. Well, that may be an exaggeration!
It just isn't quite Christmas time without my "cheerren" around. I made a stab at creating some cheer by baking the traditional gingersnaps last night. Figured that if that worked I might graduate to baking some sugar cookies and maybe even decorate them. But then my mind swiftly went to the memories of my kids decorating them with me. I still have the Avon cookie cutters than leave impressions in the cookie dough. I would pipe a hat and scarf on the snowmen and they would dip them in sparkles. Then I would pipe on eyes, nose and buttons and they would stick on raisins and redhots. Then there were the Santas, trees and angels. I continued to do them myself after they refused to participate anymore. They still loved to eat them and kept reassuring me that they were way better than any of the cookies their friends moms made. Then they moved into their own places and I still made them and they came home for Christmas or I sent them to them. Then my husband retired, started a new career and we moved to Nevada.
So, really, I think I have been faking Christmas for a long time now. Last year I didn't even send out Christmas cards for the first time since I was probably 18. Our Christmas tree is one of those artificial prelit trees in a plaster planter that is supposed to sit outside. Last year I decorated it. So far this year, we're lucky if someone plugs the lights in. We've decided no stockings hung by the chimney with care for the first time (It's a gas fireplace anyway).
Maybe I should try making "the little white guys". They are my version of Russian teacakes or Mexican wedding cookies. I shape them into little logs and bake them a little longer than most. As soon as they come out of the oven I set them in a half inch layer of powdered sugar, then I sift another half inch layer on top of them. I decorate them by piping on two green leaves to represent holy and add a redhot. My husband always warns, "Hold your breath when you put them in your mouth or the powdered sugar will suffocate you". He would walk over hot coals for these things. They melt in your mouth and take you to a place you should only go during sex. Well, that may be an exaggeration!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
31st Anniversary
Celebrating today! 31 years with tall, dark and handsome. He came home with roses and a beautiful Waterman fountain pen I had been eyeing. We will go out to a " tablecloth place" for dinner tonight. Our anniversary and my birthday in three days, always get rushed because of holiday festivities. Tomorrow there is a party we'll be attending. When I was 40 my husband arranged for a birthday cake to surprise me at a Christmas party and I had a birthday party when I turned 16. That's OK with me though, I would probably have a heart attack from the shock of another. Likewise, I just now realized that my husband, whose birthday is January 5th has had pretty much the same fate. Where is this going?
Hmmmmmm.......Both our children have had birthday parties. When our daughter was around eleven and every year after, she declared that her birthdays were "no big thing". I continued to make them big things though. That year she insisted that she didn't want a cake, so I decorated cupcakes and had a few of her friends over. She scowled the whole time. Then she left home and her birthday became a REAL big thing!
I just realized that I tried to make up for, with my kids, what I didn't get as a child. We were very, very poor and Christmas gifts were never much. When I was in the third grade we rented a small house from, and next door to "Bull and Aunty" who were very, very not poor. At Christmas, gifts for their four grandkids were stacked to the ceiling around their angel hair smoothered tree, most of which I had helped wrap. So, with my own kids, I really went over the top, though my husband always declared, "Too much".
For most of my life I wanted something other than what I had. Granted, I started out life with a lot of reasons to feel that way. Even when there were no more reasons, I looked for or imagined them. I still have my moments. I have made a major switch in my thinking that I wish had'nt taken so long. LIFE IS A GOOD THING!
Hmmmmmm.......Both our children have had birthday parties. When our daughter was around eleven and every year after, she declared that her birthdays were "no big thing". I continued to make them big things though. That year she insisted that she didn't want a cake, so I decorated cupcakes and had a few of her friends over. She scowled the whole time. Then she left home and her birthday became a REAL big thing!
I just realized that I tried to make up for, with my kids, what I didn't get as a child. We were very, very poor and Christmas gifts were never much. When I was in the third grade we rented a small house from, and next door to "Bull and Aunty" who were very, very not poor. At Christmas, gifts for their four grandkids were stacked to the ceiling around their angel hair smoothered tree, most of which I had helped wrap. So, with my own kids, I really went over the top, though my husband always declared, "Too much".
For most of my life I wanted something other than what I had. Granted, I started out life with a lot of reasons to feel that way. Even when there were no more reasons, I looked for or imagined them. I still have my moments. I have made a major switch in my thinking that I wish had'nt taken so long. LIFE IS A GOOD THING!
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Tis the season
I have given up on posting the pictures that are on our Christmas letter. They are from different sources and I have yet to figure out how to convert them to what blogger will accept. Since you all have become my friends I am
WISHING YOU HAPPINESS
AT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
AND ALWAYS
WITH LOVE,
LUCKYZMOM
2007
Tis the season
This year has been full of visitors, visiting, trips, sorrows, joys, frustrations and above all learning.
We are proud of the people our children have become. Our son continues to live and work in Spokane(WA). He has a new passion, his new Scion X-Box. Our daughter, her husband, and our two perfect grandchildren recently moved back to the Seattle area.
Chris graduated THE top of his MBA graduate program at UNR this spring. I am successfully continuing in my critical position as "Domestic Goddess"!
You will just have to imagine the fabulous pictures that I cropped, lightened, corrected the contrast on and then was unable to transfer to blogger#%&@*&@%#
Friday, December 07, 2007
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