LUCKYZMOM

Who Me?

2011-10-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

Eckhart Tolle, author of A New Earth, explains how to break through the shell that separates you from your true self.

Vanity and pride are what most of us tend to think of when we think of ego, but ego is much more than an overinflated sense of self. It can also turn up in feelings of inferiority or self-hatred because ego is any image you have of yourself that gives you a sense of identity—and that identity derives from the things you tell yourself and the things other people have been saying about you that you've decided to accept as truth.

One way to think about ego is as a protective heavy shell, such as the kind some animals have, like a big beetle. This protective shell works like armor to cut you off from other people and the outside world. What I mean by shell is a sense of separation: Here's me and there's the rest of the universe and other people. The ego likes to emphasize the "otherness" of others.

This sense of separation is an intrinsic part of the ego. The ego loves to strengthen itself by complaining—either in thoughts or words—about other people, the situation you find yourself in, something that is happening right now but "shouldn't be," and even about yourself. For example, when you're in a long line at the supermarket, your mind might start complaining how slow the checkout person is, how he should be doing this or doing that, or he failed to do anything at all—including packing the bag of the person ahead of you correctly.

When this happens, the ego has you in its grip. You don't have thoughts; the thoughts have you—and if you want to be free, you have to understand that the voice in your head has created them and irritation and upset you feel is the emotional response to that voice Only in this way can you be present to the truer world around you and see the golden shade in a pound of pears on the scanner, or the delight of a child in line who begs to eat them.The trick, of course, is to work to free ourselves from this armor and from this voice that is dictating reality.

Observe Your Mind

The first foundational step is to become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think, especially negative thoughts: irritation, anger, impatience and perhaps even some kind of sadness. You might, for example, complain about yourself, how useless you are. If you start to hear these repetitive thoughts, then you will suddenly realize, "I've been thinking these same thoughts again and again almost every day without really knowing it."

Distinguish Between the Voice of Ego and the Actual Situation

Awareness is the beginning of becoming free of the ego because then you realize that your thoughts—and the negative emotions they produce—are dysfunctional and unnecessary. For example, let's go back to the supermarket line. As you stand waiting, you aren't actually irritated because it's taking a long time to get through to the checkout, which is the situation. You are irritated by what your mind is telling you about the situation—which is that all this waiting is bad and a waste of your time. But you could actually be enjoying that moment if you say, "This is simply what is. There's nothing I can do about it, so why not breathe in deeply and look around and enjoy the world around me?"

Let Go of Limiting Stories

Sometimes the danger is not even pessimistic thought. If, for instance, you have been let go from your job, you might so resist being negative that you say, "It's a great thing that I lost my job!" That kind of willful optimism is not necessary. We hold on to the fairy tale of supposed happiness—that we should be happy. But this keeps you stuck where you are. Instead, try to describe only what is happening, without judgment: I do not have a job. I must look for one.

Bring In Your Awareness

When you see the difference between your voice and the reality of the situation, that's the beginning of awakening. This is often a moment—a flash that sizzles and disappears. Initially you still lose yourself again, and the old thoughts arise, but gradually, you gain awareness, and the dysfunctional thoughts subside. It's a gradual transition, this bringing in of your awareness, because the ego doesn't want to change. It doesn't want to disappear, so it will give you plenty of reasons why you cannot be present.

Lay Down Your Weapons

Your challenge will be to become more aligned internally with the present moment. Fighting with your ego by will just makes it stronger. By declaring war on it, you make an enemy. A simple example: You wake up in the morning, and it's raining and gray, and the mind says, "What a miserable day," and this is not a pleasant thought. You likely feel some emotion: dread, disappointment, unhappiness. You suddenly realize that your judgment of what kind of day it will be is based on a mental habit, an unconscious default. That simple awareness creates space for a new thought to emerge. You can look again out the window without that preconception and just see the sky. It's gray. There's some sunlight filtering through the sky. There are, perhaps, raindrops falling. It's not actually miserable at all. It has a certain beauty. Then suddenly, you're free. You're no longer imposing something on reality, and you're free to enjoy what, previously, you had rejected.

To learn more about the ego, overcoming adversity and creating inner peace and meaning in your life visit EckhartTolleTV.com.

Something's Fishy

2011-06-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

There's a mouse in the house!
We heard noises inside our gas fireplace a week or so ago (I now think it was right after we had been going in and out the doors doing yard work). Being ultra sensitive, through the week I would feel movement or think I heard something out of place occasionally, but attributed it to the ice maker or golfers. Yesterday I was sitting at the computer in the office and just happened to look over my left shoulder into the living room. There, sitting in the middle of the floor was a fairly good sized mouse (an adult or teenager).

I immediately went into action. I opened the nearest door and started to scare the mouse out by stomping and moving furniture ever closer to the door. Then I moved stuff that could be hiding places, folded the sheers and curtains off the floor onto the window sills, took the cushions off the upholstered furniture and started to turn them over. Then I started checking other places and ended up doing a lot of sorting and rearranging that I've been meaning to do for quite some time. Eventually the living room also was rearranged. We have not found the mouse yet though. No telling what I may accomplish by the time we find the little creature.

Telling the Truth

2011-03-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

"You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you."

Frederick Buechner

Challenges

2011-03-11T10:35:00.000-08:00

"I know for sure that in every challenging experience there's an opportunity to grow, enhance your life or learn something invaluable about yourself."

Oprah

From my Valentine

2011-02-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

I found this note next to the coffee pot when I got up this morning.

"For My Valentine,

As I thought back through our years together, back to the time when I first made the realization that I wanted to be with you always, I found while I admired and treasured the things you could do, it is the person you are that captured my heart. At the moment of discovering that, Where you are not - I would not feel alive, that I realized I love you more than any other.

All my love this Valentines Day

Hupson"

I am thankful for this day, this life, this man*)

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL

2010-12-17T13:02:00.000-08:00

We have made a valiant effort to get organized for the holiday season early. How far are we willing to take this? We put up the Christmas lights for the first time in seven years in mid November. Christmas letter was written (being edited as I speak), added to addressed cards, stamped and sent before we received any (another first); gifts have been bought, wrapped, boxed and sent. I have even started decorating the house by setting a festive centerpiece on the dining table. We contemplated extending this level of frenzy into a major garage clean-out but prudently decided to “put that off” until a later date; after all we’re inspired, not crazy.

We celebrated our 34th Anniversary 6 days ago and my "I'm not saying" birthday 3 days ago. My husband brought me a beautiful bouquet of roses, took a day off work and wined and dined me on our anniversary. And I'll just say this birthday was the hardest birthday ever as well as the best one ever. I received a gift from my husband that blew my socks off. It was a large white ceramic rooster and hen that I had admired in a shop window in July. Soon after they disappeared and every time I passed the window I lamented not having gotten them while the 'gotting' was good. I teared up when when I opened the box and realized what it was. After I arranged them in my kitchen we went out to dinner to a bistro where our experience has always been excellent. This time we were seated in an empty section and basically ignored. The disappointment was swept away as soon as we got back home and I listened to the messages from my kids and grandkids. Even with the poor reception their voices and serenading warmed my heart.

I have developed an interest in beading and now find myself spending countless hours engaged in my new hobby. He who knows teases me that I have more interest in sorting out the beads by size and color than in putting them together in a finished project, but bear in mind that this comes from the man who assembled 20,000 rounds of ammunition and hasn’t fired a gun in 7 years. There’s an old saying about a pot and a kettle…..

Actually, we have both done very well for ourselves this past year and haven’t faced any injuries or debilitating life experiences.Then a couple of weeks ago my husband went on day shift after a decade of swing. Coming into the light of day has been a difficult adjustment for me. I am just a half hour away from waking up before he leaves for work. I miss our ritual send off, so I no longer consider myself secure in my role as domestic goddess, providing a warm hearth and emotional stability when he stumbles home from work at 2:30 a.m.

In June, we traveled to the Washington D.C. area for a reunion with the guys my husband flew with from 1978 to 1981 in the 10th Tactical Fighter Squadron, Hahn AFB, Germany. I was amazed by all the faces I recognized but was unable to put a name to. My husband said that if he closed his eyes, it was just like he was thirty years younger. We also sandwiched in some time in the area with our friends N and J, and went sightseeing as well as visited the Smithsonian with friends from Hahn we've kept in contact with, J and B.

I volunteered to be the adult authority for my grandchildren for a week in July while their parents traveled to Chicago. My usual role as the doting grandma was in direct conflict to the one of being responsible for the children’s well being and finding that you must say “no” at times.

We also drove back in August to attend a cousin’s 50th wedding anniversary. It was a good visit with friends and family we haven’t seen in a long time.

And now we are looking forward to Santa!!!
Wishing you the best holiday season ever!!!!
With love
LZM

Out of the Dark and into a New Light

2010-11-28T10:40:00.000-08:00

The past five days have been quite traumatic for me. After almost a decade of living the life of a vampire our world has shifted. My husband has gone on day shift. I'm sure the enormity of this has caused a tremor somewhere in the world. Or maybe just in my world. It came about very unexpectedly and we only had a couple of days to adjust. I don't know how to behave.

So far he has left before I've been able to drag myself out of bed. I have progressively gotten up earlier and earlier though, so there's hope for me yet.

One nice thing has been that my evening meal tastes better because he is here to share it with me. Or maybe now I make better meals.

He falls asleep soon after he eats though, But he is still adjusting. We are both truly excited about this change and look forward to experiencing a little bit of normal again.

2010-09-11T15:29:00.000-07:00

I've just really been stagnate lately. In a state of mind that I'm not proud of. Thinking back, there have been some bright moments. For the most part though, I am wondering where the joy has gone. Seems I 've been stirring the soup pot of my life and have found all the good parts are gone and only the broth is left. So, perhaps it is time to visit my 100 Things About Me list that I started so long ago (3/22/07).

100 THINGS CONT. OR aLSO OR ?

2010-09-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

1. I have paint watercolors that knock my socks off. Other peoples socks too. I could sell them, but I don't want to let them go.
2. I haven't done more than test new colors in about 9 months.
3. I used to get paid to do calligraphy.
4. I have been paid to sew garments for people.
5. I have won awards for knitting and cross stitch projects.
6. I was editor of an organizations monthly newsletter.
7. I was a newswriter for an organizations monthly newsletter.
8. I ran for Vice President of an organization and lost.
9. I wrote, directed and starred in several skits.
10. I was the star of my senior class play.
11. I would have flunked algebra if I hadn't transfered out of the class taught by the organist of the church I attended. I took business math and did well. I have always considered myself lousy at math, but my husband has tried to convince me otherwise. I have just recently started to believe him.
12. My brother hasn't spoken to me since August of 1999.
13.

COFFEE

2010-08-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

A good story..........

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma the daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its insides became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

There we were.

2010-07-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

Bringing back the memories

Last month Hupsun and I flew to the Washington DC area to attend a reunion of the TFS (Tactical Fighter Squadron) where he (Hupsun) began his Military career 32 years ago in Germany.

We landed at Dulles in the dark, took the bus to our rental car, found our "Inn", then found a restaurant (that was just getting ready to close) and ate some food.

The next day, after the free breakfast at the "Inn", we drove to the home of my very dearest friend in the beautiful Virginia countryside. Her husband was Hupsun's boss at one time (which made her the bosses wife at one time). Very soon after our arrival we were amazed to realize that these two men, who we ordinarily have to pry conversation out of, were chatting with each other like magpies. We all had a wonderful visit.

I couldn't leave without visiting their cows though. And I downloaded a picture I took of them, but just lost it somehow:( The bunch they had the last time I visited were much more photogenic. But, that's understandable, because I spent a lot more time getting to know them.

I made Hupsun drive around R & K's neighborhood for awhile so we wouldn't be early to the pre-reunion get together. R & K were our "sponsors" (a couple assigned to help new couples) when we arrived in Germany 32 years ago.

"It is just as rude to be early as it is to be late", I told Hupsun.

Two other couples were already there. Three men met us at the door. I was amazed that they looked familiar to me. I knew that I had known them but I didn't know who they were. Kind of like when someone is guest starring on Law and Order and you try to remember where you know you know them from.

I recognized K immediately. She hadn't changed a bit. The whole evening was delightful.

The next day.......

Manassass battle ground.

Shanandoah scenic view.

I finally found a bear in the woods!

Fly boys (and one mystery woman), thirty years older and some of them have grown up! They all still do so much talking with their hands that you would have

thought they were all Italians.

Big boys racing!

At the Smithsonian Museum of American History. I think we're related!

Julia Child's cookbooks!

The coolest building I've ever seen in the United States of America!

Speaks for itself!

I like things from every angle.

We're walking, we're walking!

And now I am off for ten days to visit and babysit my grandbabies.

Tired of looking at this

2010-06-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

I have been attempting to post about our trip in May to DC. It took way too long to post the pictures correctly and am now having writers block.

SOON. If anyone is still interested.

News

2010-04-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!

April fool's!:-D

2010-02-03T12:18:00.000-08:00

I had no idea that blogger would punish you for not posting for 90 days. I will be posting soon.

Life is still good, war is still not.

2010-01-06T12:31:00.000-08:00

This is poignant and truly amazing.

Kseniya Simonova, 24, draws a series of pictures on an illuminated sand table showing how ordinary people were affected by the German invasion during World War II. Her talent, which admittedly is a strange one, is mesmeric to watch.The images, projected onto a large screen, moved many in the audience to tears, and she won the top prize of about £75,000. She begins by creating a scene showing a couple, sitting holding hands on a bench under a starry sky, but then warplanes appear, and the happy scene is obliterated. It is replaced by a woman's face crying, but then a baby arrives, and the woman smiles again. Once again, war returns, and Miss Simonova throws the sand into chaos from which a young woman's face appears. She quickly becomes an old widow, her face wrinkled and sad, before the image turns into a monument to an Unknown Soldier. This outdoor scene becomes framed by a window as if the viewer is looking out on the monument from within a house. In the final scene, a mother and child appear inside, and a man standing outside, with his hands pressed against the glass, saying goodbye. The Great Patriotic War, as it is called in Ukraine, resulted in one in four of the population's being killed, with eight to 11 million deaths out of a population of 42 million. Kseniya Simonova says: "I find it difficult enough to create art using paper and pencils or paintbrushes, but using sand and fingers is beyond me. The art, especially when the war is used as the subject matter, even brings some audience members to tears. And, there's surely no bigger compliment." click on the link below - http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=vOhf3OvRXKg

2009-11-03T14:30:00.000-08:00

NO BAGS PLEASE

An environmental television program was so shocking to me that I immediately changed the way I dealt with the plastic in my life.

Before seeing this program I had a huge collection of both paper and plastic bags. I had taken plastic bags to the recycle bins some stores provide. I had started to opt out of some plastic bags when my purchases were easily manageable, joking that I was ‘saving little plastic men’. Now I refuse all new plastic bags when I shop with the exception of the produce bags for small multiple items like green beans or bulk goods. I am reusing my collection of plastic and paper bags until they are unusable. They will then go to the recycle bin. When the collection is depleted I will sew up some bags or make some out of used newspaper. See how here: Ro's Newspaper Bag Project

I have also become more aware of how plastic goes into my garbage cans. I will rinse out a plastic milk carton and use it to collect all the different bits of plastic that I once tossed away without a thought; the strips that are torn off lunchmeat packages, used ziploc bags, used plastic wrap, or I might corral all the days plastic in a used ziploc or empty plastic peanut butter jar, I also try to use storage containers (I have been a huge ziploc bag fan for a long time) more for leftovers and such, you get the idea. I have also stopped using plastic straws and bottled water.

When I refuse plastic bags now, I say, “I am trying to save our world one plastic bag at a time. Everyone can help in some small way. Perhaps the following facts from an environmental blog that I found will have you thinking twice about the plastic in your life.

Environmental Impact of Plastic Bags

More and more people around the world are becoming aware of the environmental issues surrounding plastic bags. Considering their somewhat placid appearance, the impact of plastic bags on the environment can be devastating. Here are some facts about the environmental impact of plastic bags:

Plastic bags cause over 100,000 sea turtle and other marine animal deaths every year when animals mistaken them for food
The manufacture of plastic bags add tons of carbon emissions into the air annually
In the UK, banning plastic bags would be the equivalent of taking 18,000 cars off the roads each year
Between 500 billion and 1 trillion plastic bags are used worldwide each year
Approximately 60 - 100 million barrels of oil are required to make the world’s plastic bags each year
Most plastic bags take over 400 years to biodegrade. Some figures indicate that plastic bags could take over 1000 years to break down. (I guess nobody will live long enough to find out!). This means not one plastic bag has ever naturally biodegraded.
China uses around 3 billion plastic bags each day!
In the UK, each person uses around 220 plastic bags each year
Around 500,000 plastic bags are collected during Clean Up Australia Day each year. Clean Up Australia Day is a nationwide initiative to get as many members of the public to get out and pick up litter from their local areas. Unfortunately, each year in Australia approximately 50 million plastic bags end up as litter.

Fortunately, some governments around the world are taking the initiative to deal with the environmental impact of plastic bags by either banning plastic bags or discouraging their usage.

Perhaps you have some ideas on how we can help the world's plastic bag and garbage problem.

The Strong Life Test for Women

2009-09-21T13:28:00.001-07:00

My results:

Creator/Leader

Not surprised by my results.

Isolation

2009-09-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

VISITORS

I was housecleaning my Email when I came across a thoughtful observation I had made to someone a while back. I have followed and admired this popular blogger for most of my blogging history. She certainly didn't need my advice, I was agreeing with hers when I posted the following parable.

"If you want visitors you have to answer the door, invite them in and entertain them. Devoted fans dwindle fast when you stop opening your door."

It has occurred to me that my blogging behavior is much like my life. I often don't answer my door (lots of good excuses, no good reason), seldom invite anyone in ( ) and therefor I don't have to worry about entertaining anyone.

I have been avoiding blogging and pretty much my life. Just wanted you to know.

Last Landscaping Chapter

2009-06-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

SHOW AND TELL

I enjoy seeing 'before and afters'. You've shown me yours, and now, I'm showing you mine.

The process was fascinating and worth getting up at such an early hour (Early for me, since my usual bedtime is around four am). I didn't get up because the noise bothered me, but because I couldn't stand to miss something.

As you saw in the last post, the lawn was removed and the reusable rocks were gathered onto landscape fabric. Plants that would be replanted were put in pots.

My precious tree was pulled out. This I did not watch. The tree was a volunteer that I could see when I was at my kitchen sink. Birds loved it and it was sad to see them come back, sit on the fence and look quizzically in the direction of where the tree had been.

Also, on the same note, I watched the lizard that lived in the rock wall in back frantically scurrying around after his home had been disassembled. Yesterday I woke up to a bird in our living room, later in the afternoon we caught a cricket inside the house, and last night we chased a tiny mouse, without catching it, all over the house. We believe all this is happening as a result of the destruction of their homes and of our doors having been opened so often the past two and a half weeks.

And then the potty was delivered!

An area for the patio is graded and the foundation for a section of it is painstakingly built up.

At the same time the rock retaining wall along the golf course is deconstructed, graded, landscape fabric laid and the rock wall reconstructed. It was a weeding nightmare without the fabric. Plus, gophers were having a party with the lizard there.

The pavers are laid making the porch wider and more usable. Monday a handyman is coming over to start work on putting a sliding patio door in where the window visible in the picture is. Then we will have better access to our more usable porch and new patio.

The dry creek bed is shaped. The boulders are carefully maneuvered into place with difficulty and my guidance. Then it is filled in with river rocks. I spent some time after the workers left and on the weekends rearranging rocks so they look more natural and will continue to do so.

A Red Sunset Maple and a small broom are planted.

A white, fragrant Lemoine lilac and yellow daylilies are planted beside a couple of dinasaur eggs.

The back is complete.

Our lavender lilac is replanted to the opposite side of the porch to screen the porch and a mugo pine is planted to screen the neighbors utility boxes.

Hostas are planted in the continually shaded area under the front entry because I love them!

Hostas are planted in the continually shady area under the front entry because I love them.

A juniper and some lambs ears are added to the front plantings and then the small river rocks. And then, TA DAH!!

The landscape project is completed. The landscapers think there should be more plants in the front. I have always been a rock freak and like the serenity of the expanse of all the rocks. I also, don't want to obscure the view or use more water. After all, we live in the desert.

Landscaping Adventure

2009-06-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

WORK BEGINS

Xeriscaping our yard

2009-06-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

THIS COULD BE THE START OF SOMETHING BIG
(In a small space, anyway!)

It isn't easily discernible, but, the front yard is peppered with piles of dirt created by gophers as they tunneled their way under our lawn. The lawn is that lovely shade of yellow because our sprinkler system has been messed up since fall.
The weeds are a result of......well.....neglect.....pure, lazy and shameful neglect. Why are most of them so green and healthy?

This is our porch, which we never use because there is no direct access to it. It is really the only area of our yard where we can create a pleasant, private area to use. We seldom sit on the front porch which is on the north side, and in 4 and a half years we have sat on the tiny back patio maybe twice. The patio is on the golf course and also the south side. So, even if we were willing to dodge the golf balls, the sun makes it uncomfortable to use. So, we hope to address it all with pavers and xeriscaping.

I created several plans. I obsessed. We visited several landscapers. I obsessed. When we recovered from the bids we were given, we selected one. I obsessed. I am still obsessing. So many decisions. I obsess over every single one, then worry I may have made the wrong decision. At the same time I am chanting that it is all going to work out perfectly. I'm talking dogs and new tricks here now.

Work began quite unexpectantly Monday. I will explain and post pictures soon.

Bawling My Eyes Out

2009-05-10T16:55:00.000-07:00

Sent to me by my son on Mother's Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HQgbVt-GyI

SPILT CREAM

2009-05-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, I dropped a quart of cream, the top flew off and coated my shirt, created a waterfall of cream dripping down the side of the cupboard and created a white pond on the vinyl floor.

I was attempting to distract myself from the project I was working on by fixing myself another cup of coffee. I figure that the spillage was an unpleasant reminder that I had limited myself to one cup of coffee a day.

So, I came in here to check my email instead and found out I had a new comment on my blog from z. Thrilled, I went to my blog to read it and decided to post. So, in the end I have distracted myself from my project as well as avoided extra cream calories!

The project I am distracting myself from is xeriscaping our yard. I must make a decision as to which landscaper we should have do the project. Since deciding to buy a sofa that turned out to be more uncomfortable than a bed of nails, I haven't had much confidence in my ability to make decisions. I have it nailed down to two. Any suggestions on how to make this expensive decision?

Miss Me?

2009-05-02T13:13:00.001-07:00

What's Up?
I have been thoroughly depressed about using a computer since returning from our trip to Seattle last month. I was looking forward to blogging about our trip when I turned on the laptop computer for the first time in over a week, clicked on Bookmarks, and there were none. Tried our main computer. Same thing. I have been pulling out my hair since then.

While working on it today I noticed that I only have 8 more posts until my 100th. You know, the one where you post 100 things about yourself. If I post this,it will only be 7!!

I am in the process of making positive changes.

Fastinating

2009-01-30T14:37:00.000-08:00

I just watched this video on beth's blog and think it is so fascinating that I wanted everyone to see it. http://callibeth.blogspot.com/ (Schroll down and click on the January 29 U Tube post) How'd they do that?

2009-01-24T13:55:00.000-08:00

z at http:razorbladeoflife.blogspot.com generously assigned me the letter S. I couldn't believe my luck. I couldn't wait to follow the meme instructions which are.......

You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it on your blog.Then people leave comments on your post and you assign them letters and the cycle begins once more.

Letter S.

1. I love the letter itself. S is so spindly, spirally, sassy, smooth and need I say sexy (I'll probably say that a lot in this meme).

2. I love the letter S so much that the name of my first born, who I love, begins with the letter S and who was born in San Diego, a city I love and that also begins with the letter S. Those who know S will agree that she is a a sensational ray of sunshine.

3. I love my son. He is simply sterling, amazingly talented and skill full at putting things together and solving problems. Supportive, sentimental , straightforward and sensitive.

4. I love my spouse. Such a smart, selfless, sharing, successful, sound man of substance. He is occassionally; somber, silent, sometimes silly and always super sexy.

5. The first word that came to mind when I read that z had given me the letter S was succulent. I love the word and use it a lot when appropriate, like when I encounter foods like succulent crab, chicken, pork; things that are so tasty and juicy that you want to suck them into your mouth until you explode. Savory is another delightful taste sensation that I love; savory sauces, seasonings and spices that bring ordinary ingredients to a higher level of sumptuousness. It is all quite sensual if you ask me. So sensual that some succeed to the level of orgasmic. I know that doesn't start with an S, but it brings us to......

6. I love sex. Get that surprised look off your face. I know you were expecting it. Start with someone special whispering sweet words in your ear, then, softly touching your bare skin with the tips of their fingers. Lips softly skimming the point of your nose, your cheeks and perhaps your chin and forehead before succumbing to the hungry desire to connect with the succulence of your lips. Soon buttons and zippers will be impatiently maneuvered off and more serious touching and kissing starting. The skillful savoring of lips on your sensitive places can take you to another succulent level, where supple hands might start suggesting secluded islands where satisfaction can be found with a silky stand of splendid attention. (That was purely gratuitous!)

7. I love smooth silky stationery. Until I started blogging, I constantly filled marvelous journals of smooth and creamy paper, with wide lines (that are preferably not harsh black), with all kinds of thoughts and plans. And I would usually write with a fountain pen and a lovely color of ink to suit my mood.

8. I love to shop. For me that doesn't mean that I love to spend money. On the contrary, I love to save money when I patiently wait for something that I want or need to go on sale.

9. I loved the book "Sophie's Choice" as well as the movie starring the spellbinding Ms Streep.

10. I love spellcheck.

There are my favorite S's. What a lovely letter to be assigned. Thank you z. If anyone else wants to be assigned a letter, let me know.

January 24, 2009 2:03PM

Andrew Wyeth, painter of American landscapes, dies at 91

2009-01-16T16:09:00.001-08:00

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Andrew Wyeth's 1948 painting "Christina's World."

I am deeply saddened by this news. For many decades I have been a fan. Over a decade ago I first visited the Brandywine Museum in Pennsylvania where I was emotionally overwhelmed by Andrew Wyeth's temperas and watercolors. Since then I have imagined myself meeting him there, perhaps sitting on a bench watching the Brandywine River float by, and having him mentor and admire my own work. Now, that dream has died.

By Mark Feeney
Globe Staff / January 16, 2009

Andrew Wyeth, whose evocations of a timeless rural present along the Maine coast and in Pennsylvania farm country made him America's most popular living artist and whose 1948 painting "Christina's World" became one of the most famous artworks of the 20th century, died today.

Wyeth, who was 91, died in his sleep in his home in Chadds Ford, Pa., after a brief illness, the Brandywine River Museum said in a statement.
Perhaps no American painter has ever had as strong a hold on the popular imagination as Mr. Wyeth did over the course of his seven-decade career. As the critic Brian O'Doherty once noted, "Wyeth communicates with his audience, numbered in millions, with an ease and fluency that amounts to a kind of genius."
One mark of Mr. Wyeth's special status is how often he was summoned to the White House. He was the first artist to receive the nation's highest civilian honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, in 1963. Richard Nixon held an exhibition of his paintings and dinner in his honor in 1970. In 1990, he was the first artist to receive the Congressional Gold Medal. President George H.W. Bush, presenting the award, noted that Mr. Wyeth's work "caught the heart of America."
Yet Mr. Wyeth's popularity never translated into critical acclaim. Although rarely dismissed outright, Mr. Wyeth was seen as a peripheral figure, at best, and an artistic anachronism. "They are just sort of colored drawings," the critic Hilton Kramer once wrote of Mr. Wyeth's paintings, "illustrated dreams that enable people who don't like art to fantasize about not living in the twentieth century."
Mr. Wyeth's shaky standing with the art establishment was underscored in 1986 when it was revealed he had spent 15 years secretly painting a neighbor, Helga Testorf. News of "the Helga Paintings" made the covers of both Time and Newsweek. Time's art critic, Robert Hughes, voiced the art-world consensus when he mocked "the great Helga hype" and dismissed the resulting exhibition of the artworks as "an avalanche of Styrofoam and saccharin."
Mr. Wyeth was the most famous member of one of America's most renowned artistic families: His father, N.C. Wyeth was a noted muralist and book illustrator; his son, Jamie, is a highly regarded realist painter.
Jamie Wyeth once likened his father's work to that of the poet Robert Frost. "At one level, it's all snowy woods and stone walls. At another, it's terrifying. He exists at both levels. He is a very odd painter."
Much of that oddness had to do with a kind of self-imposed mutedness: of tonality, emotion, subject. Mr. Wyeth once described his approach to art as "seeing a lot in nothing." There is a sense of almost-palpable restraint to his work, of a sought-after narrowing of visual possibility.

That narrowing begins with locale. All of his work is set in the vicinity of two places: Chadds Ford, where Mr. Wyeth was born, grew up, and as an adult lived seven months of the year; and Cushing, Maine, where for most of his life he summered. (Mr. Wyeth later moved nearby, to Benner Island.) Other than a trip to France and England in 1977, he never left the United States, and only rarely did he venture beyond "Wyeth country" at home.
Your favorite Andrew Wyeth painting?
Mr. Wyeth painted in a consistently dry, austere style. Starting in the 1940s, he preferred to paint in tempera, a process that suspends pigments in egg yolk rather than oil. Tempera, he once said, allowed him to avoid painting "a picture that looks like a painting. People who like the paint surface don't understand what I'm doing."
There was nothing excessive or inessential in Mr. Wyeth's work. He strove for an almost-mannered simplicity. The mythic emerges from the specific in his work. "I've often said, â€˜If I was really good, I could have done the field in "Christina's World" without her in there.' The less you have in a subject, the better the picture is, really."
In form as well as content, Mr. Wyeth's painting is unemphatic, uninflected, even-toned. "My work is very subdued in color," he said in a 1997 interview with CBS' "Sunday Morning," noting his fondness for earth tones. Both visually and spiritually, his temperas and watercolors are the painterly equivalent of sepia-toned photography: His barns and fields and no-tech interiors provide a pre-patinated sense of the past.
This pairing of ostensible contemporaneity with seeming distance in time helps account for the unsettling quality Mr. Wyeth's work can often possess. The Abstract Expressionist painter Mark Rothko once remarked, "Wyeth is about the pursuit of strangeness."
Rothko added, however, Mr. Wyeth "is not whole as [Edward] Hopper is whole." The comparison was not gratuituous. In its prevailing air of human isolation, Mr. Wyeth's work bears an obvious kinship to that of Hopper, who was a friend. Hopper is one of three artists whose work can be seen as, in a sense, triangulating with Mr. Wyeth's. The others are Winslow Homer, with his restrained palette; and Norman Rockwell, with his easy accessibility and tendency to nostalgize.
Such an anomalous group suggests how difficult it can be to assess Mr. Wyeth's work. It's notable that the owner of "Christina's World" is New York's Museum of Modern Art, the most influential institution in the 20th-century art world. As for Mr. Wyeth's allegiance to representation (and not an especially innovative form of representation), he once declared, "I'm a pure abstractionist in my thought."
The youngest of five children, Andrew Newell Wyeth was born on July 12, 1917, in Chadds Ford. His parents were Newell Converse Wyeth and Carolyn (Bockius) Wyeth. His father had moved to Chadds Ford to work with the celebrated illustrator Howard Pyle.

A frail child, Mr. Wyeth left school just two weeks into first grade. He received the rest of his education at home. Mr. Wyeth's art teacher was his father, and he'd spend hours drawing and doing watercolors. "I played alone, and wandered a great deal over the hills, painting watercolors that literally exploded, slapdash over my pages, and drew in pencil or pen and ink in a wild and undisciplined manner," he said in a 1976 interview with the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Thomas Hoving.
American artist Andrew Wyeth's paintings
The Wyeth family spent their summers in Needham, where N.C. Wyeth had been born. They began to go to Port Clyde, Maine, when Mr. Wyeth was 10. Mr. Wyeth once described the look of Maine as "all dried bones and dessicated sinews." In 1998, the Farnsworth Center for the Wyeth Family in Maine opened at the Farnsworth Art Museum in Rockland, Maine.
Specializing in watercolors and landscapes, Mr. Wyeth had his his first one-man exhibition in 1937, when he was 20. He met Betsy Merle James on his birthday, in 1939. They married a year later. That same day in 1939, she introduced Mr. Wyeth to her friend, Christina Olson.
Along with her brother, Alvaro, Olson would become one of Mr. Wyeth's favorite models. Their Pennsylvania counterparts were a farming couple, Karl and Anna Kuerner.
Mr. Wyeth's painting of Christina Olson, unable to walk because of a childhood bout with polio, crawling through the fields toward her 18th-century farmhouse, would sell for $1,800 and become one of the most reproduced images of the last century. Now the property of the Farnsworth Museum, the Olson farm was put on the National Register of Historic Places in 1995. It's the only site placed on the list for being the subject of an artwork.
The death of Mr. Wyeth's father, in an automobile accident in 1945, marked a major personal and professional transition in his life. "When he died, I was just a clever watercolorist â€” lots of swish and swash," Mr. Wyeth said in a 1965 Life magazine interview. "I had always had this great emotion toward the landscape, and so, with his death ... the landscape took on a meaning â€” the quality of him."
One of Mr. Wyeth's best-known images is "Winter 1946," a tempera showing a boy racing down a hill. On the other side of that hill was the railroad crossing where his father had died.
Mr. Wyeth had always been intensely private, which made the brouhaha surrounding the paintings of Testorf all the more striking. Not even Betsy Wyeth had known of their existence. Asked what they were about, she gave a one-word answer, "Love." Was her answer born of jealousy â€” or calculation? That answer, combined with Wyeth's secretiveness and Testorf's ripely Nordic sensuality, lent a not-so-faint whiff of sexual scandal to the news.
Mr. Wyeth sold 240 renderings of Testorf in 1986 to a Pennsylvania businessman for $6 million. In 1990, the businessman sold the paintings for an estimated $45 million.
"What the Helga?" a 1986 New Republic headline asked. The next year, the paintings began a lengthy museum tour, including a stop at the Museum of Fine Arts, in 1988. It opened at the National Gallery, in Washington, where Mr. Wyeth became the first living American artist to have an exhibition. In 1980, he had become the first living American artist to have an exhibition at London's Royal Academy.
Mr. Wyeth received the gold medal for painting of the National Institute for Arts and Letters in 1965. In 1977, he became the first American painter since John Singer Sargent to be inducted into the French Academy of Fine Arts. President George W. Bush awarded him the National Arts Medal in 2007.
"All I can say at the end of my life is that painting has been my one interest, nothing else but art," he told The Philadelphia Inquirer in 1997.
In addition to his wife and son Jamie, Mr. Wyeth leaves another son, Nicholas, an art dealer, of Cushing; and a granddaughter.
Funeral plans were not immediately announced.

2008-12-23T14:48:00.000-08:00

DON'T MISS THE JOY!

Can I get any sadder. I'm remembering that this once was a happy time when excitement and anticipation filled my heart. It has become a time to feel sorry for myself.

When I was growing up we were real poor. We rented a small house from, and next door to, the landlords, who weren't poor and who lavished their four grandchildren with gifts every Christmas. I helped shop, wrap, decorate, clean, cook, serve, pass out gifts, and collect the discarded wrappings. I was also filled with great envy. When I had children of my own, I tried to assuage that envy by lavishing them with gifts every Christmas. Every year my husband would look at the beautifully wrapped gifts piled high around our Christmas tree and would say, "Too much!" or, "You're sure showing them landlord kids." When my children left home, I tried to keep it up from afar. It just isn't the same.

I began to rock as the tear neared my right jaw line and another tear broke out of the corner of my left eye. Noticing the tears, my mind turned away from the sad thoughts I'd been dwelling on. I grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and wiped the tears away.

"I'm imagining that everyone else in the world is smiling. How ridiculous. I have chosen to feel sorry for myself and I can chose differently!" I thought as a spark of joy started to grow.

I think I will have myself a happy new day! After all, it is almost the most wonderful day of the year and I don't want to miss it by feeling sad!

2008-12-12T15:17:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER SEVEN
Let me just end it because I have another meme to write!

I had surgery on Tuesday. Wednesday I was washing, brushing and going potty in the bathroom in the hospital room, with the support of a walker. Occasionally I would sit in a chair across the room from the bed, maybe six steps. Thursday the therapists came, en mass, to teach me how to put on my clothes and walk up and down stairs. It was a long walk down the long hall to the area where the wooden stairs and other PT equipment was set up. I tried to crack some jokes, but, was unsuccessful. My devoted husband, who faithfully attended me once I was out of my delirium, was the only one to laugh.

That afternoon a handsome young doctor came by to say that Dr. P was out of town and that I could go home the next day because I was doing so well. Wooowhoo!!!

Friday my husband arrived around 8am. The nurse gave him gauze pads, tape and instructions for changing my dressing (The incision is high on the side of my thigh so it would take some of those contortions I talked about in the last chapter for me to even see it) prescriptions, as well as instructions for giving me shots everyday to prevent blood clots. It had to be done every morning for 24 days and was what I liked least about the whole process (I could do it myself, but, my loving husband usually spared me the task). A wheel chair was brought to the room for me, I wished my room mate good luck, then I was wheeled to the parking garage. My husband brought the car to the door. Getting into the car was not easy. I slept most of the 40 minute drive home. Getting out of the car was easier. The two steps up to our front door was a breeze.

To make a long story, that is starting to bore me, short, I will summerize quickly.My husband took excellent care of me. With hard work and determination it became less uncomfortable and arduous to get around. In record time, I graduated to a cane and the riser came off the toilet. Dr. P sent me back to physical therapy where H put me through the paces on the machines and doing exercises. I was walking on my own without a waddle before the allotted visits were up. I cried at my last visit. H said I could come back anytime to use the stationery bike, but, I haven't.

I now know that it is necessary for me to keep up the exercises. When I don't exercise. I feel discomfort in my affected hip and occasssionally I also have pain in the small of my back and the other hip, which scares me (I would prefer not to repeat this experience with the other hip). It is propably my muscles compensating for the new metal occupant that has moved in to replace my poor baby hip. Dr. P has said the ache in my hip would go away in about six months. I wonder what they did with the bone that they cut off my hip?

I'll Whine If I Want To

2008-12-07T15:54:00.000-08:00

YOU WOULD WHINE TOO IF IT HAPPENED TO YOU!!!!

I feel an obligation to finish the rendition of my hip drama, or as others might refer to it as a tragic comedy. But, da-dada-dum, I'm using my very clever avoidance routine, which is shifting my focus, instead.

Every year about this time I become determined not to be rushed. Ask me how often I am successful. No, not really, that was what I think is a rhetorical question. I'm going to tell you just what I think. I think that I have less responsibility and more time and accomplish half as much as I did five or ten years ago. And I think it is all your fault. That wasn't rhetorical, just ridiculous:)

We bought a very inexpensive, small artificial tree recently, so we could use it inside, instead of using our lighted artificial outdoor tree in a lovely pot, as we have been doing for a couple of years. Just assembling the new tree, then putting on the lights (200), with copious breaks, took two days. The decorating process is turning out worse. Searching for all the decorations that I was sure I had organized in one place has created huge piles of stuff all over the house, because as I search, I pull things out and decide that it really must be organized before I put it back, or it is in the wrong place. I have started to think about baking cookies instead.

So, then I become overwhelmed and use my very clever new avoidance technique of blogging instead of gettin' on with gettin' on. Now, don't you tell me you've never stooped so low.

2008-11-29T14:47:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER SIX
LZM Cowboys Up

As I sit in my "studio", (a name suggested by a friend after telling me to stop calling it my "junkroom") at my laptop, the sun casts the shadow of my home onto the bare wall of the home next door, I catch movement with my right eye and look out of the window. I recognize the movement as some one's adorable golden Cockerspaniel that is loose in the neighborhood.

I thought I was ready to document the history of my hip. I see though that I would rather talk about a cute little dog....and the weather.

It is becoming more difficult to recall the details. I want to write it all down before I forget all the hard work and determination it has taken to be able to walk upright without waddling like a duck out of water. Keep that duck in mind.

The first instrument of support I used to assist me in walking was a walker. The walker was brought to me to help me get onto the bedside potty chair. I soon used it to walk to a chair to sit for a few minutes while a contraption was put on my bed. This contraption was a metal pipe framework that had had hangy downy thingys for each of my hands to hold onto and aid me in pulling myself up and in getting in and out of bed. Then, I was able to go all the way to the real toilet. Well, actually, a plastic riser was put on the seat of the real toilet. I would also have a riser on my toilet at home for a couple (few?) of weeks.

I always had to keep the right surgery leg out in front of me when I sat down, otherwise it hurt hugely. When the hospital physical therapists descended on me the next day, they told me a bunch of other positions I wasn't suppose to get into, for fear of dislocating my new hip (which would have been nice to know BEFORE I started moving around). Just getting in and out of bed was painful and labor intensive in itself. And then you add on their admonitions of, "be sure to stick that out that way", and "don't turn this the other way". You had to be a contortionist. And luckily I was used to being flexible and adventurous in bed!

My biggest fear was doing something to dislocate my new hip. So, whatever I was asked not to do, I didn't do, and whatever I was asked to do, I did, and then some. I did some of the exercises the hospital physical therapists told me to do three times; six times, or ten times, or more, a day. They were very matter of fact and humorless and I wanted to show them a thing or two.

I weaned myself off the drugz quickly because that would mean being connected to one less wire. The pills I was given to replace the morphine took me to a tropical island where I felt secure, contented, warm and sunny for awhile before I fell asleep.

Then I had the drain removed from my incision by a male nurse (not Pall) who had neglected to when asked to do so earlier. Now he was anxious to get off work and was treating me roughly. The dressing had been changed on other occassions by other nurses without so much pain.

"What did I ever do to you? I have only been nice to you."

He made no reply.

Painful as it was, that was one more thing I wasn't connected to, making me much more mobile.

No hospital stay is complete without a mention of the food. I am usually ravenous all the time, so when I found myself without much of an appetite, I thought it was the food. When asked why I hadn't eaten much of the cardboard that had been slathered in brown tinted thin wallpaper paste I said, "I think it is the food, not my appetite." One of my favorite nurses, Windy, would bring me little containers of raspberry sherbet and fix me chicken broth in a styrofoam cup, so I wouldn't starve! When I got home, though and could have whatever I wanted, I realized that it was my appetite. Wish that side affect had lasted longer!

Coming soon........Let me out of this place.

2008-11-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER FIVE
Drugz

It was a male nurse, Pall, with long full prematurely grey hair, gathered at the nape of his neck who kept calling me Becky. As he explained things to me I nodded or shook my head because I was still too groggy to speak. His kind round Polynesian face smiled and expressed concern easily. I had the feeling a butterfly was following him around in the room, and having a hard time keeping up with him.

"If you want anything, need anything at all, Becky, just let me know. I am here for you, Becky!" he declared brightly and left the room.

I looked at the clock high on the wall directly in front of me. 10:30 and it is light out so it must be morning. What happened to "starting to wake right about the time I went into recovery"? Why isn't my husband here to me tell how things went? I felt no pain, but I wanted to sob. That feeling is returning to me as I write this. I calculated that it had been three and a half hours since I went in to surgery. The surgery was suppose to take 45 minutes, which would mean it took me over two hours to wake up. Where is my husband? I felt alone and abandoned. I am sure it was all exacerbated by the drugz I had been given. And as I had been informed by Pall, I could get more every six minutes by pushing the button on the end of the cord that was wound around the railing on my bed.

While I was still groggy, Dr. P stopped by with his 'I am trying to smile' expression, and said,

"You did fine, just fine."

If he said anything else I don't remember it. I do remember what he was wearing, though! (I would link back to that description if I knew how)(I would also punctuate properly if I remembered how!)

Then I had to pee because you are encouraged to drink lots of water. And I do, and did, without being encouraged. I told the nurse's aid and she said,

"I'll get you a bedpan."

"I have never been able to use a bedpan, ever. Do you have a bedside potty?"

Dr. P had told me at our first visit that they would have me get out of bed as soon as three hours after surgery. So, I just assumed I could get up. The nurse's aid brought me a potty chair and another nurse's aid (they weren't called nurse's aids, but I forgot what they were called. Their names were written on a board on the wall under the clock in front of me along with the name of the nurse and the names were changed every shift.) to help me get out of bed. It was difficult getting all the tubes and machines I was connected to out of the way. And, oh boy, it hurt and was scary. It continued to be decreasingly painful to get out of bed for several weeks. At first I moved in small incriments to see what movement would hurt least. Then I would forget what worked least painfully by the time I needed to get out of bed the next time. But, I made it. It was only later that I learned that most of the nursing staff had never seen that even attempted so soon after a total hip replacement surgery. I was a star!

The next time Pall came into the room to attend to Karol in the bed next to me, on his way out of the room he asked me,

"Becky, do you need anything, anything at all?"

I shook my head and indicated with my hand that he should come closer to me. He did and I softly said to him,

"My name is Betty not Becky."

"Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry, Betty!", emphasizing the Betty.

"That's okay Pall", I said, emphasizing the Pall.

But, when my husband finally walked into the room, it wasn't okay. I was angry to have been left alone for so long. He explained that when I was brought to my room where he had been told he could wait for me, I had appeared to be awake with my eyes open and even told him,

"It hurts."

He says he said loving things to me; stroked my hair , kissed my nose and forehead", until I started drifting off after about forty five minutes. He told me he was going to go to Walm*rt to get me a CD player because the one we had previously purchased specifically to entertain me during my hospital stay, didn't work properly. He was then going to get something to eat. (HOW DARE HE?) He says he then "kissed your widdo forehead", said he loved me and that he would be back soon. At some point in time I think I dreamt the last sentence, but I do not remember any of the rest.

Especially not starting to wake up right about the time I went into recovery. It just makes me indignant that "they" don't believe me when I tell them about my sensitivity to anasthesia. If the dentist doesn't use less "stuff" when he numbs me I will be numb for four or more hours. Twenty years ago I had my gall bladder and apendix removed (The surgeon did not tell me it was routine to remove my appendix at the same time as my gall bladder). It took me a really long time (four or five hours) to wake up from that.

Starting to sound too much like whining. I'm going to take a break and come back to tell you all about my miraculous recovery.

2008-11-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER FOUR
You're Going to Do Fine!

I was unable to take the xrays that had been taken of my hip to my first appointment with the orthopedist, because of a computer problem. I was promised they would be faxed. They weren't. When my husband and I had been led back to a room at the Orthopedic Clinic by Dr. P's nurse, Baron Niece, she said I would have to have another xray, or Dr. P would not see me. I was very distressed. Not the foot I wanted to start out on.

Dr. P presented (I watch both 'Grays' and 'ER') as a white haired Julius Caesar. Instead of a white toga and crown of leaves, every time I saw him, except in the operating room, he was dressed in brown loafers, white socks, chinos, a brown belt and a light blue shirt with long sleeves rolled up and a button down collar. He usually wore a 'I am trying to smile' or a 'I am trying to understand' look on his face.

He shook hands with me and my husband then explained what he had just seen in my xray. I asked him,

"What are my options?"

We will never forget his answer,

"It is like a flat tire. You either fix it, drive on it anyway or park it."

I had learned as much as I could about hip replacement surgery options on the net, and I knew he did the "anterior approach" that I understood to be less invasive. He misunderstood me when, just to show him I knew a thing or two, I said I wanted the less invasive approach, which he took to mean a new experimental one. I think he thought that his subsequent explanation of his successful surgery method had changed my mind and convinced me to have the surgery. Several times during the visit and as he left the room he told me,

" You're going to do fine."

Actually, I was still trying to adjust to the reality of having to have the surgery much sooner than I had expected to. Dr. P's nurse, Baron Niece came in with instructions, paperwork and brochures. We set a date, August 5, 2008 at 7:30am.

As soon as my husband and I walked out of the clinic doors I started to sob. My husband folded me in his arms and rubbed my convulsing back. We got into my car and I continued to let out a bunch of nasty toxins through my tears. Eventually I stopped, and from then on I was resigned and courageous:D Tah! Dah!

When H and the others heard the news of my upcoming surgery at my next PT appointment, their attitude towards me seemed to change. It was as if I had graduated "summa cum laude". Now I think it was more like they were missing me already as I now do them. My last PT would be just before my scheduled trip to Virginia that I already wrote about. It was a sad day for me. PT had become one of my few pleasurable contacts with the outside world.

I returned from Virginia around 11pm July 24th. Twelve days until my total hip replacement. There was so much to do that I didn't have much time to get nervous. I had a pre-op physical with my primary care physician on the 28th. The next day I had a Barium swallow that my ENT ordered to find out if I have a hiatal hernia. (Turns out I have something called a presby esophagus with esophageal dismotility because it is so dry in Nevada.) I was also scheduled that day for a pap, but it dawned on me the day before that it would be impossible for me to get my legs in the stirrups with the severe osteoarthritis in my hip! And I cancelled that.

The following day my husband took me to the hospital to do the paperwork and tests required before surgery. I filled out a gazillion forms and answered as many questions. Then, while my husband went to our dentist to have a crown put in, I had blood taken, gave urine, had a chest x-ray and an electrocardiogram. My husband picked me up and rewarded me with all the crabs legs I could eat. Yum!

Two days later, on August 1st, I went to see the ENT. In between all this I was trying to get the house cleaned and the laundry done, in preparation. Monday, the day before my surgery, I went to see Dr. P. He drew a wide line about five inches long on my right hip with a huge permanant marker. And told me,

"You're going to do fine."

The next morning, at five o'dark thirty, we parked in the practically deserted parking garage at the hospital. The hospital itself felt "other worldly". My surgery was scheduled for 7:30am. A nurse prepared me for surgery while my husband read his book in the corner of the room. Dr. P came by and assured me for the umteenth time that,

"You are going to do fine."

He said the surgery should take about 45 minutes. The anesthesiologist came by. I told her about being sensitive to anesthesia. She assured me that I would be waking up right about the time I went into recovery. So, I kissed my husband and was wheeled into the operating room soon after 7, where Dr P waited with his 'I amtrying to smile' expression. He asked me,

"Where is your blue stripe ?"

I pointed to it and that is the last thing I remembered until I woke up alone, in my room about 10:30am. It makes me want to cry even now, remembering what waking up felt like. Then a male nurse came in calling me by the wrong name.

2008-11-18T11:41:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER THREE
Doctor Who ?

The doctor I wanted to adopt was sent off to Afghanistan. So, I made an appointment with Dr. M, who had taken his place. H, my physical therapist, had called Dr. M and explained why she thought I should be evaluated by an orthopedist. The first thing Dr. M said to me was,

"So, you're ready for a new hip?"

My eyes instantly expanded with shock (clever way to say wide eyed, isn't it?) and I defensively replied, "I certainly hope not!"

I thought I was going to see the orthopedist to be evaluated, have a nice friendly conversation about my options. Plus, this was the first time I had seen this "doctor". She seemed abrupt and was dressed in black so I erroneously labeled her as "g*stapo". I think it was my shaky emotional state and her newness......anyway, to get on with it, she set me up with a referral to see an orthopedist.

I went on line and investigated my options for an orthopedist. At my next visit to PT I took a printout of possibilities with me. H had assured me that she would help me choose an orthopedist. She took the list to study and said she would consult with the other therapists and give me their recommendations at my next visit. Before my next visit, the receptionist called to ask if I would mind changing my appointment to an earlier one. I agreed.

From the tiny reception and waiting area with five chairs, two end tables (which barely fit) and no frills, you turn left down the narrow hall passing five treatment rooms on the right. Just before the last room, there is a big opening to the right into the "gym". The "gym" is a big room with machines, high adjustable treatment tables, big adjustable low padded platforms and all kinds of blocks and balls and pulleys and ropes and blocks and ......fun stuff. And, oh yes, the mirrors! Three or four therapists at a time might be treating one to three people at a time. I was in the gym at this earlier than usual appointment, being guided through my exercises and working on the equipment while H was consulting with the other therapists about the best orthopedist for me. I knew they would come to a wise choice because I also knew they all adored my quirky character. I worked hard, encouraged the other people who came there to be treated and tried always to be cheerful. (This advertisement was paid for by lzm)

B, one of the therapists was working with a man who overheard the therapists discussing me and recommended the doctor who had done his second hip replacement. Yes, I said second. Two different doctors and two different approaches. The first was a negative experience. He recommended the second approach and doctor, who was Dr.P. Before he left we got together and talked. He was at PT because he had just had knee replacement surgery.

"Would you mind me asking how old you are.?" I asked.

His surprising answer was ten years younger than I am. And since I intend to remain eternally youthful I am choosing not to divulge that information.

He brought some brochures for me to his next PT appointment.

I saw this as divine intervention and I can't wait to introduce you to Dr. P. But, this is my husband's day off and we are planning a huge excursion to the lieberry and then to the new Black Bear Diner which is connected to the new Nugget Casino. I have just 60 pages left to read in the book I want to finish and return.

2008-11-16T14:00:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER TWO
Continuing

I fell in love with my physical therapist. It was not H's twinkling eyes, endearing freckles or amazing red hair that made me fall. It was her hands. Laying on the therapy bed in the small treatment room, H instructed me to turn on my left side, my backside to the tastefully wallpapered mauve and blue wall. She pulled up the red shorts I was provided with, to expose my bare hip, then slipped a small pillow between my knees. As she poured warm oil from a squeeze bottle onto my hip and thigh it felt a little like foreplay. Her fingers found all the aching spots without any direction. She would linger on the areas that cried out for her touch as if they were speaking to each other. My eyes closed and I made some small mewling sounds as my body melted into the surface I lay on.

Too soon she asked, "Did that help?", shocking me back from that new fuzzy warm place I never wanted to leave.

"That was heaven", I answered.

Then she taped me, adhering special flesh colored flexible two inch tape that looked sorta like crepe paper, at a point near my waist to just below my knee, along what (I think) she referred to as my "T-bar", which would stay adhered until my next visit. Then she sent me home.

Twice a week I went to that "house of heaven". Routinely I would change into shorts (my own on subsequent visits). One of the assistants would give me an ultrasound treatment on my hip and thigh or hook the area up to the electric pulse machine and cover it with a cozy heating pad, turn down the lights and leave me. A timer would go off and the assistant would stop rubbing me with the ultra sound "thingy" or come back in and unhook me. H would come in and manipulate me for a bit (my favorite was when she pulled my affected leg) and gradually had me do exercises. Then she would "touch me" and take me to heaven for a short while. Eventually she took to the gym where I did more exercises on the padded platform and used some of the machines, including the stationery bicycle, which was my favorite because of z.

After several (?) months H suggested I talk to my doctor about seeing an orthopedist. And I did.

Gotta do some laundry.

meme for Z

2008-11-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

Z (http://razorbladeoflife.blogspot.com/ )at Razor-Blade of Life tagged me for this meme.
#1. Go to your sixth picture folder then pick your sixth picture. (The problem with this is that going there is a post in itself.)
#2. Pray that you remember the details.(Remembering too many details will be the problem here.)
#3. Tag 5 others, leave a comment to let them know they've been tagged. ( I tag those who read this and want to do it!)
TOTAL HIP
REPLACEMENT
SURGERY
Chapter One
Discovery
The bed cradled me in a perfect sleeping position and I tried to will myself back to sleep. Being unsuccessful, I rolled over so I could see the luminous numbers on the alarm clock that has sat on the very same long low six drawer dark oak dresser for 27 years. I quickly calculated that I had slept long enough. With resignation I sat up, swung my legs out from under the cozy bed linens, stepped onto the thickly padded carpet with the ball of my right foot. Confidently my right heel followed. Sharp stinging pain shot up from the padded little shock absorber and I quickly raised my heel back up and sat for a moment wondering what could be the cause of this pain.

This incident happened almost two years ago to the day. I was unable to rest weight on my right heel without pain. I quickly investigated on line and discovered I had something called "plantar faciitis". I followed all the suggested remedies, always wearing athletic shoes with over the counter orthotic inserts and doing the suggested exercises. There was some relief. I cowboyed up. At the doctors I was told that orthotics weren't covered by my medical coverage. Shortly thereafter I began having sharp pains mid thigh on the outside of my right leg that made me stop in my tracks. It became more frequent and more frequent. I diagnosed that the "plantar faciitis" changed my gate, causing this new pain. I was thoroughly convinced that the doctor I had been assigned and I were totally incompatible. So, I went through an act of congress to change. I went to a new doctor (who I wanted to adopt) and he sent me to physical therapy and had my hip xrayed. The xrays revealed:

FINDINGS: AP and frogleg views of the right hip demonstrate severe degenerative changes consisting with joint space loss, subchondral sclerosis, osteophytosis, and subchondral cyst formation. The femoral head is deformed by osteophytes with thickening of the proximal femoral neck, perhaps resulting in a component of femoral acetabular impingement. There is no evidence of fracture or dislocation. Soft tissues are unremarkable.

IMPRESSION: Severe osteoarthritis of the right hip as described above.

I will have to work on this long sad story after I go to the library to pick up some books they are holding for me, before the library closes. Let's just call this z meme Chapter One.

Conservatives for change

2008-10-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

Time for me to make a stand. With only one exception, I have voted for a Republican President for the past 32 years, though I am an Independent.

Go to http://www.conservativesforchange.com/ and listen to some other voices.

Make your decision and then VOTE!

2008-10-10T14:27:00.000-07:00

Total rare occurance so soon. We are in the desert after all. The snow didn't stick though, except on the far off mountains.

2008-10-10T07:55:00.000-07:00

Holy Crap! It's snowing!

4 z

2008-09-29T17:14:00.000-07:00

This is really clever..... http://www.newspaperbagproject.com/ Check it out.

Paul Newman

2008-09-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

"Oh, shit!"

I was deeply saddened today, to hear that Paul Newman has died. After reading the news I went to http://www.newmansown.com and have copied and pasted the following for myself and anyone else who might be interested. I once read in some interview that he ate a half a cantaloupe in the shower every morning. The thought comes to me frequently when I am around cantaloupes and makes me smile. I have been in love with Paul Newman since the night in high school when I piled in my girlfriends Buick with her and a couple other girlfriends and went to the Drive-in to see "Exodus".

For 25 years, we at Newman's Own have had a front row seat to watch Paul's entrepreneurial brilliance, humor, and compassion at work helping those in need. Our company motto, "Shameless Exploitation in Pursuit of the Common Good," was Paul's vision for Newman's Own and it is a philosophy we are proud to continue.
Paul occasionally referred to Newman's Own as the "joke that got out of control" and would express astonishment at its success. Despite this humorous approach, Paul was committed to the company's business and to providing top-notch quality – he brought all-natural food products to a wide audience long before it was fashionable. And he was one of the greatest recyclers, giving back to charity all the money he earned from the sale of Newman's Own products.
Shameless Exploitation in Pursuit of the Common Good
Newman's Own has grown into a powerful and lasting expression of Paul Newman's generosity. The Company has generated over $250 million in proceeds that have been donated by Paul Newman and the Newman's Own Foundation to thousands of charities worldwide. Particularly close to his heart were the Hole in the Wall Camps, now the leading global family of camps for children with life-threatening illnesses, which Paul started over 20 years ago.

Today, Newman’s Own is a thriving company with hundreds of millions of dollars in annual revenue. As always, all profits are donated to charity through Newman's Own Foundation. We will miss Paul, but we will honor his vision for the Common Good through dedicated stewardship of his company that will perpetuate his philanthropic legacy. Paul wouldn’t have it any other way.
He was also a terrific actor.

MORE MARVELOUS MOMENTS

2008-08-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

Almost every time I post pictures, especially if it has been a long time since doing so, I have difficulty. This time I emailed them to myself to shrink them enough so that blogger would upload them. And almost every time I have this problem, I become determined to figure it out and forget about the story I was eager to tell. I will just use my email method for pictures for now though and get on with the adventure.

N's home is warm, welcoming and beautifully decorated. It is deeply seated on a knoll, surrounded by pastures and trees. A road winds up past the small barn at the top left and then further right to the ranch style house. The views from every room are, again, breathtaking. Just being there is a relaxing vacation, just like the drive to it is.

We talked. We laughed. We cried. I felt a little on display the first few days. N wanted her sister B to know whyt she thinks I'm so wonderful. N shares me with Band B with me, but we have only met a few brief times. It didn't take long for me to know what a delightful person B is. I have no doubt she likes me too!

With N and I both having trouble with our hips and she dealing with canc:r as well, we didn't do anything that involved a lot of walking. But, we did eat out a lot, which meant driving through more of the breathtaking Virginia countryside and seeing structures two and three hundred years old. I have always been fascinated with old stuff and am awed thinking about all the history. N would stop so I could take pictures and sometimes I just held my arm out of the window and took a shot.

One hot muggy evening N suggested we get in the pool. The conditions wre prfect, as the house was shading half of the pool and sunscreen wouldn't be necessary. Took me no time at all to wiggle into my new swimsuit and get in the beautiful pool with N to float. I noticed that my bouyancy had much improved since my last visit. Perhaps the extra pounds I'd brought with me! Floating is one of my favorite things, as is being with N, so I was in La La land and felt so comfortable that I didn't even care that I hadn't shaved my legs. N and I were pretty much prunes by the time we got out.

Promised pictures

2008-08-16T11:21:00.000-07:00

The sky at the airport when I arrived.

And then the breathtaking.......

More about the wonderful adventure, as well as more pictures.

My Trip to Virginia

2008-08-15T19:59:00.000-07:00

_________
My scheduled departure from Reno was 11:55pm Sunday July 13. I was packed and ready to go before 4pm, though, so that I could go into Reno with my husband when he went to work. I dropped him off at work, then toddled around until it was time for him to get off work and take me to the airport.

I was having a great deal of pain in my hip because of the toddling around. We had arranged for electric car assistance for me to be able to make it to the next gate when I changed planes. I am able to walk long distances with just the support of my husbands’ hand, so I expected to be able to make it to security with him and imagined a golf cart type ride from there. The only thing available was wheelchairs and I was talked in to taking one from the young man at the check in counter. I became very weepy as we waited for the wheelchair to come. My husband tried to comfort me and suggested I look at it as if I had broken my leg skiing and needed the wheelchair temporarily. This helped some, but I was uncomfortable using the wheelchairs the whole trip as well as on the return trip. There was no doubt that I needed the assistance, though, when I saw some of the distances between gates that would have been impossible for me to walk.

After arrival at Dulles I called N as I was being wheeled to Baggage. She said she and her sister were waiting at Baggage. As I got near baggage I saw my beloved N. Her sparkling eyes and incredible smile made the eight years that we’d last been together, melt away in an instant. And our adventure began immediately.

We stopped for lunch and a “look see” at Wegman’s, an amazing huge building filled with food. N knows my interests! Then we drove through the breathtaking (literally for me, as I sigh a lot) Virginia countryside to her home.

I am working on posting pictures. Breathtaking pictures!

Virginia here I come!

2008-07-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

UP UP AND AWAY

Sunday at 11:55 pm my flight leaves for Virginia. I will change planes in Texas, then arrive at Dulles Airport at 11:55am. This must be what is called the "Red Eye"? Subtracting the three hour difference, that will mean eight hours to get there. I will have a two hour and 23 minute layover at Houston Airport.

I have been trying to control my excitement and remain calm. I usually obsess for weeks, worrying about everything. Will let you know how this new approach turns our! I am going to visit my dearest friend. It has been over eight years since I last visited? I fly back on the 24th.

In preparation for the trip, this afternoon I went to the same hair salon that I went to for the last haircut that I liked so much. I hoped that the same gal who cut it last time would be there. Alas and alack, she wasn't and I am not so thrilled with how my hair turned out. I look like a little dutch boy and I'm not. I am only a small part dutch.

When I get back I will be having a new hip installed. Didn't know this would be necessary before I bought the airline tickets. So, I've had a lot of doctor appointments to go to and arrange, as well as dental work being done. And shopping for things I wanted to fill in my wardrobe, as well as needed sundries. Also, I don't like to go off on a trip with a dirty house, so I've been cleaning house and doing laundry. Now I have some ironing to do. And I have a book from the library that I need to finish reading before I leave because it will be due while I'm gone and not allowed to renew.

Looking forward to telling you all about it when I return.

Windows of the Soul

2008-07-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

I started this April 20 and didn't get around to finishing or publishing. I don't even remember where I found the MEME. I do remember how I was overwhelmed by some of the images that arose.

*Seeing my mother the first time after her stroke. She was in a coma and not expected to live. There is no way I could describe that vision. I will just say it was a painful one.

*The dark skin everywhere, when I got off the plane in Hawaii the first time in 1964. My Mom had married a Hawaiian when I was just 2. So I grew up in a Hawaiian community. Everyone went together to give me a plane ticket to Hawaii for a High School graduation gift. I lived and worked there for almost five years.

*I can still see the magnificent mountains on a trip to Hope, BC, more than half a century ago.

* The first time I set eyes on my first grandchild.

*Seeing my second grandchild's squished hairy little head first peep at the world. And then having the honor of cutting her cord.

*Recently driving through the Redwoods in the early morning darkness on a trip from Reno to Seattle.

*Seeing my dearest friend for the first time. I didn't know we would become such close friends. I just admired how classy she was.

*Hiding in the pasture in Sandpoint when my mother was coming to visit my brother and I at my fathers parents house. They had convinced my Mom to go to Seattle to join my father and to work. While there she caught him screwing around and divorced him. When she came back to get us our grandparents made us hide in the pasture. I remember crying because I wanted to run to my mother.

*Setting eyes on my first child. She was and still is perfect.

*Bright pink kitchen nook, with big windows, table and chairs where a dear dear friend and I investigated our souls over gallons and gallons of coffee.

*Sitting on the floor of a VOQ quarters lost in the eyes of my future husband, in Sacramento the night we went to Empamanondos 34 years ago. It makes me blush thinking about the rest of the evening*)

*Watching my husband cradle our son in the crook of his arm, holding his tiny head in his hand while talking about finance with him the day he was born in Germany.

*The canal in Georgetown.

*England, especially the stairs in The Tower of London. The thought of all the people I'd read about in books whose feet had actually walked up those same stairs too.

*George and Martha Washingtons grave.

*Williamsburg,VA

You are welcome to join in this writing prompt. Simply add the links below to the bottom of your post and let me know to add yours to the list!

jen with seven windows of my soulJessica with Eleven windows Tracy from Tiny Mantras Defiant Muse from Musings...Kaliroz with windowsBarrenAlbion with seven windows of my soulArwen with windows to my soulSomewhere in the suburbs with windowsKaren with eight windowsJennifer with Seven viewsMagpie with windowsKaty with windowsMary with seven windows of my soulBA with come to my windowsSlouchy with there are places I remember

Test Results

2008-06-27T23:10:00.000-07:00

ENFJ - "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be. 2.5% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Graduation Humiliation

2008-06-07T17:56:00.000-07:00

Graduation Humiliation

Tomorrow my husband and I will be attending a graduation party our friends are having for their daughter. Also, I just read Meno's blog (http://menosblog.blogspot.com/) about her daughters senior overnighter. Both these upcoming events reminded me of our experience at our son's senior overnighter in 1996.

My husband and I volunteered to help with the Monte Carlo games at our son's senior overnighter by running a craps game. Our son and his friends were thrilled that we would be doing this. My husband and I were looking forward to the experience as well.

We were rattled because we were having difficulty finding the location of the senior all nighter and it was making us late. Parking was tight. It was dark. When we thought we were near, we followed signs that said, "Senior All Nighter" with arrows pointing the way. Inside the building we got directions and a bunch of paper chits, that looked like Monopoly money, which were being used as money that the graduates could exchange for prizes.We hurried through the crowd of teenagers. It was like moving through a crowd at a carnival. We were a little relieved, when we arrived at the far end of the festivities, to find that only a few of the seniors had reached that area. Parents who were already running other games, showed us an empty table where we could set up our craps game. They hadn't expected us. We set up and had a grand time with all the kids that came by to roll them bones, while being on the lookout for our son or his friends. After the time we were scheduled to be there had almost passed with no sight of them, I happened to notice what was written on the chits we had been using for money. I hadn't looked closely at them until then.

I asked one of the parents standing near me, "Why do these say Central Valley HS on them," indicating the play money.

She looked at me strangely and said, "Because that is what the name of our school is", duh was quite evident on her face.

I froze a moment while she continued to look at me. My voice lowered several octaves as I said, "Oh. No. We thought this was the M......... overnighter. I was wondering why we didn't recognize anyone."

We were humiliated and left apologetically but quickly, imagining how our son must feel about us not showing up as expected. We were able to get directions to our son's overnighter (same area different building).

Our son and some of his buds were near the entrance when we arrived at the correct place. Their disappointment was obvious to me. Though the time we were scheduled to run the craps game had passed, the boys took us there and we explained what had happened. They sympathized but didn't need us. So, we spent a short time with the boys, then left with our tails between our legs.

I was sure for a long time that this travesty would ruin my son's life. He has become a truly caring, talented, loyal, delightful human being. So, I guess I can let go of this experience now!

New haircut

2008-05-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

THE HAIRCUT

It has taken me three days to figure out how to import this picture that my husband took of me then. I had to inlist his help, so, I had to tell him about waiting to see how long it would take him to notice the drastic difference in my hair. He said I am always beautiful in his eyes! Ahhhhh....

I didn't think to do a before picture. Trust me though, my hair was six or more inches longer and was either in a ponytail or hung down sadly. I wouldn't be making such a big deal about it, except that figuring out how to post this picture out of Photoshop (the only change I made was cropping) has been so consuming.

'

NOT YET

2008-05-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

He still hasn't said anything but I think I noticed a, "Something is different look", as Z suggested would happen. I am amused and curious how long before he says something. He did call me from work and thanked me for being the mother of his children! He suggested he should go with me to PT today to make sure they aren't torturing his Sweetie! How sweet is that. The thing is, I am sure everyone at PT will notice the drastic difference in my hair.

Started plowing through the piles of treasures that have been deposited in my "studio", which was previously called my junk room, until a dear friend suggested the new designation. This was before I actually started doing watercolor. I get distracted easily with the clearing process. For instance, I started practicing calligraphy when I came upon a poem I've been meaning to do in calligraphy for my son for years, but keep misplacing. Then I started thumbing through catalogs that I forgot I had.

I keep believing that there is hope for my studio. I have been successful before, in different homes, states, a lifetime ago! Has anyone out there finally, conquered their cluttered, disorganized "studio", who are willing to advise and share?

"Oh, he'll notice alright!"

2008-05-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

"Oh, he'll notice alright!"

Yesterday, after I had finished at the physical therapist, I took the plunge and went in to the new Fantastic Sam's here. My hair has just grown and grown for almost a year, for a few reasons, one being that I didn't know how I wanted it cut and another that I didn't know where I should have it done. I bought a hair magazine and cut out possibilities. I went on line and printed out possibilities. I carried them in my purse for months. Meanwhile, I was unable to feel good about the way I fixed my hair. It just hung there, pulling everything with it. A couple of weeks after I started PT, the assistant that usually does my ultrasound treatments , told me that she had worked part time as a receptionist at the new Fantastic Sam's. She highly recommended them. For a few weeks I looked for $ off coupons for Fantastic Sam's in the newspapers. Yesterday I couldn't stand it one more day.

I showed the hairstylist all the pictures of possibilities I'd been carrying around in my purse. I indicated the one that I liked best. She washed my hair and even massaged my head. I was anxious for a while when the cutting started. At one point, when I thought she was finished and standing back to admire her work, I said, "Oh, that's not short enough!"

After some discussion it hit me, "Oh, you aren't finished, are you?"

As I looked at her in the mirror. She smiled indulgently and shock her head no.

I was happy with the cut even before she blew it dry. When it was dry I was thrilled and felt ten years younger. My hair had been shortened at least 6 inches. I said, "Let's see if my husband notices."

The hairstylist said, "Oh, he'll notice alright!"

The hairstylist next to us assured me he'd notice as well.

So far he hasn't noticed. He came home from work about 2am. There was, as usual, "Hi Honey!" and my reply, "Hey Sweetie!", as he went about his ritual of putting his stuff away, then going in the bedroom to change. He got himself something to eat and joined me in front of the TV: he in his recliner and me at about a 45 degree angle, 6 feet away on the sofa. We watched TV until about 3:30am, when he started to fall asleep. We went to bed. He got up before me. When I woke I went in and kissed him on the head, where he sat in his recliner watching TV. I cleaned the kitchen, started the dishes in the DW then sorted out the pantry shelves, to remind myself what is in there. I came into the office and sat down at the computer. If he leaned forward and looked to the right, he would have been able to clearly see me.

So, he has gone off to work now and still hasn't said anything about my drastically different hair.

Maybe I will email this to him!

Where was I?

2008-05-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

Where was I?

I was walking around like a cripple for several months. About ten weeks ago I started going to Physical Therapy(twice a week), for what I learned after x-rays last week is "Severe osteoarthritis of the right hip"(Too much, "I can do it myself" and carrying many babies on my hip, neither of which I regret!). At the same time I was doing Oprah's online class on "The New Earth". The rest of what has been going on with me, I determined, was pretty much, whine, whine, whine and I chose not to share it with you. So, I have been posting secondhand stuff or not at all. I'm sure you can tell.

I am making a change.

Buying Gas

2008-05-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

This was emailed to me by a friend and I immediately wanted to share it with you.

GAS

I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline.... but here in California we are paying up to $3.75 to $4.10 per gallon. My line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every gallon.

Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose, CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.

TIPS ON PUMPING GAS

Tip #1: Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role. A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.

Tip #2: When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. You should be pumping on low mode, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created
while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.

Tip #3: One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL. The reason for this is the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.

Tip #4: Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up; most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally
settles on the bottom.

WHERE TO BUY USA GAS, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW.
READ ON:

Gas rationing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it. It might even be good for us! The Saudis are boycotting American goods. We should return the favor.
An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS. Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis. Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my friends. I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern oil.

Companies that import Middle Eastern oil:

Shell............................ 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco.......... 144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil................ 130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway.... 117,740,000 barrels
Amoco.............................62,231,000 barrels

Citgo gas is from South America, from a Dictator who hates Americans.
If you do the math at $30/barrel, these exports amount to over $18 BILLION! (Oil is now $90 - $100 a barrel. Don't buy from CITGO).<>

Companies that DO NOT import Middle Eastern oil:

Sunoco..................0 barrels
Conoco.. ...............0 barrels
Sinclair.................0 barrels
BP/Phillips............0 barrels
Hess.......................0 barrels
ARC0....................0 barrels
If you go to Sunoco.com <http://sunoco.com/> , you will get a list of the station locations near you. All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and each is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing.

To have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. It's really simple to do. I'm sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)...and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers !!!!!!! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!! Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people...and maybe we can make a dent in this gasoline dependency.

Look what I found!

2008-04-10T16:31:00.000-07:00

April 10, 2008
I meant to post this a looooooooooooooooong time ago.

I came across this comment by "cheesy" http://cheesewoods.blogspot.com/ on someones blog and thought it deserved a more prominent place, so I am posting it.

"You are Gorgeous!
Several of us do not take the time to observe and recognize how beautiful we are as humans. We may be grand lovers of splendor, seeing it in the people, places, and things around us, while completely missing it in ourselves. Some of us sense that it is vain to think about our appearance too much, or we may find that when we gaze at ourselves, all we see are imperfections. Frequently we come to the mirror with expectations and fixed ideas about beauty that shade us from seeing ourselves clearly. As a result, we overlook the beauty that is closest to us, the beauty we are. Sometimes we see our beauty in a trivial way, noticing how well we are in compliance to public norms, but failing to see the deeper beauty that shines out from inside and that will persist to shine in spite of how we measure up to society’s model.
If we can bring ourselves to take the trail to self love and we can hack through all these obstacles and simply value how beautiful we are, we free up so much power. We also become less reliant upon the opinions and criticism of others since we become our own greatest admirers. Some of us know that after a long, deep meditation, we are more able to see how lovely we are. This is because we have freed some of our baggage, as a result unburdening ourselves and summoning forth the spirit that dwells within us. It is the thrilling combination of the divine spirit and the human body that conveys beauty more precisely than anything else.To keep ourselves in touch with our personal beauty, we can envelop ourselves with images that echo our beauty back to us—photos of a relative or child who has our eyes, images of teachers who embody spirit, or self-portraits that capture our core in a way that allows us to see ourselves anew. The finest way to keep ourselves in touch with our own beauty is to keep looking deeply into our own souls and opening our eyes to the human being we see in the mirror every day.
Please...
remember to love yourself this year!
cheesy"

I have been doing the "A New Earth" online class and "summoning forth the spirit that dwells within".....all of us.

AUtiSm

2008-03-30T16:22:00.001-07:00

Please

You should read this.

Thank you

Testing the waters....

2008-02-05T15:00:00.001-08:00

This is a picture of some of the watercolors that I have done and I thought it was time to share them with you. It is part of what I call my "Journey" series.

The top left is a barn in Pennsylvania that I saw when I was on a trip with my dearest friend. The day was a bit drippy and dreary. The road was two lanes with hardly any shoulder. When we saw the barn in the distance we turned onto a small road so we could admire it, which eventually resulted in this painting.

The painting on the bottom is of a road in Virginia near my dearest friends' home. This is a place where the road turns a reddish color and for me is a reminder that we are getting near her home.

The top middle is my favorite painting of Lake Tahoe. The small one is of a spot on the road that circles Lake Tahoe. I have always been a lover of rocks and I especially love the ones in that area.

Yesterday I went through the process necessary to unload the pictures from my new camera onto the computer. First, I went around taking pictures to unload. When I saw this one I thought, "I could post this one and maybe find out if what family and friends say is only because they love me. They think I am brilliant. There were also a bunch of strangers who I was told thought so too when I was unable to attend a showing of some of my work. I even amaze myself sometimes. Perhaps your comments will encourage me to get back to painting.

Car Jacking Warning

2008-01-30T12:47:00.000-08:00

You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car, and get inside. Then you start the engine and shift into REVERSE, and you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space and you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into PARK, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the car-jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off! Your engine was running and they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car. And guess what ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car... BE AWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED. Just drive away and remove the paper that is stuck to your window later, and be thankful that you read this email. I hope you will forward this to friends and family... especially to women! A purse contains all of your identification, and you certainly do NOT want someone getting your home address. They already HAVE your keys!

2008-01-14T14:49:00.000-08:00

This is something I wrote just over a year ago and never posted for obvious reasons. I am posting it now because I no longer feel this way.

JANUARY 1,2007

Now this would be amazing if I posted this because this is a pity party.

I have been at a pity party for a very long time because it is easier than trying to deal with the reasons I've been feeling so sorry for myself. I have been feeling sorry for myself because:
My husband ignors me.

1.I have gained so much weight (because of #1).

2.I have no enthusiasm to do anything with the house (because of #1).

3.My throathurts and I am afraid that I have something horrible, like cancer. And I haven't made an appointment with the Dr. because

4.I feel that my husband doesn't care (because of #1).

5.Ditto about the pain in my heel and leg.

6.I keep scratching holes in my head.

7.Nobody cares whether I exist or not.

Really. If I were gone they would feel bad, not because they cared about me, but because I wasn't there anymore to use or blame or do for them. I am really feeling that right now. I really would like this pain to stop. I mean well, but I seem to just piss people off, especially my husband; or not say the things they need to hear, like my son; or embarass them, like my daughter.

I am just so tired of disappointing people that I love. There surely is something I am missing here or why would the pain keep happening over and over? I just want to love and be loved. My husbands idea of that is to pretend that everything is ok and sweep everything else under the rug. Oh, I can imagine what he is probably thinking, "She's got it made. Nice home and all, not having to work. Buy her whatever she wants. Gambling money up the yump yump."

Right now I am just existing. When I start to think about how illogical I am being and of how scary it would be to start moving forward I start to back down and think about eating or watching TV, something to distract me from my feelings.

Really, I so want to get up from this chair and go eat or .......This post I started the day after the last one I posted.Three weeks ago (12/31/06).

The Day the Levee Broke

2008-01-07T16:11:00.000-08:00

I woke, that afternoon, to the sound of rain and thought, "How lovely", because, growing up in or near Seattle, the sound was kinda like a comfy ole' shoe to me. My husband was at the computer (exactly where I am sitting now). I greeted him cheerfully and set about emptying the dishwasher in the kitchen. I paused occasionally to watch the rain fall and to take in our view out of the kitchen windows. (I will now attempt to insert a picture of our view here. Wish me luck!))

Tah dah!

As you can see, I can see our neighbors yard from this window. I noticed that rain was pooling in her yard. I wondered momentarily if there was any danger of it getting into their house. Then I walked to our patio doors to the left, pulled aside the curtains and checked the rain level in our yard. I could tell that some rain was not being absorbed on a few spots of our lawn. We have had to reduce the time that our automatic sprinkler system waters this area because of that, so that wasn't a worry. I turned around and sat down to work on the puzzle spread out on our table. It was a Christmas gift (1000 pieces), that my husband decided we should "do" the day before. That was the end of my thoughts of danger. It continued to rain heavily. At 11 minutes to midnight I set the microwave alarm so I could sing Happy Birthday to my husband. I went to bed about 4 am or so (as usual) and my husband stayed up a little later. I woke at 6:17 to the sound of a helicopter. I went potty, then back to bed wondering about the helicopter. The sound of helicopters woke me again about nine and then once more around noon when I got up.

I got on the computer and started to blog. I wrote a birthday post. The birthday boy got up and I sang Happy Birthday to him again. Then his Mommy called. Moments after he hung up our daughter called (1:47pm) and he answered. He thought she was being silly when she asked if our house was flooded. He called to me, "Lucky says the national news says that 35,000 (I am so sure I heard 35,000 though my husband later insisted that he said 35 hundred) homes were flooded in Fernley, Nevada when a levee broke".

From the table where I was back working on the puzzle, I said, "Wow, that must be what all the helicopters were about"!

He said, "What, helicopters". I told him about all the helicopters I'd heard. After he got off the phone I also told him about the rain pooling in our neighbors yard. He got on the computer and read aloud the news. Sure enough a levee had broken through at 4:30am and flooded an area of about a mile in our town.

We immediately assumed that it had happened in an area on the other side of town from us, where, before we bought our present home in Fernley, we were actually under contract to have a home built on half an acre adjacent to the "canal", for less than 24 hours. We canceled it because my husband wasn't comfortable with the one sided terms of the builders contract.

It began to snow hugely. We had planned to drive the little over thirty miles into Reno for my husbands Birthday dinner, like I said in my last post. We decided to get ready to go (Shower, dress, makeup, hair) and then decide. The streets were clear when we were both presentable. So, off we went.

Just past the third entrance onto the freeway a portable sign flashed saying,"accident ahead, Caution". We drove for 25 or more miles without seeing any accident, so we figured they must have cleared away the accident and forgot to take down the sign. Wrong. Screech.......

I don't know if you remember the graduation we were unable to attend because of the wildfires. This was very near the same stretch of freeway. The right lane was full of semi's for several miles. The left lane was creeping then stopping, creeping then stopping. My husband said, "Well, it's a good thing I didn't have to go to work and we don't have to be anywhere, like you know when".

I said, "I was thinking the same thing".

By the time we reached the scene of the accident it was pretty much cleared away. We wouldn't know until the next day that it had been a 17 car pile-up in which 3 people were injured.

It was not until the next day, also, that I was able to find out where the break in the levee had occurred, by following links on the computer. I also saved some pictures and will now attempt to post them now, though they may appear at the top again:0)

Wow. That was an exciting challenge.

Today I followed the "canal" on the Google satellite map. I believe I found the place where the levee broke because the water changes color only in that spot. And it is my uneducated but highly intuitive guess that the reason the levee broke is because for whatever reason the depth of the levee in that spot was not as deep, possibly because of sediment build up, because someone dumped something there or gophers.

I wondered how we could help. There were announcements on TV saying not to go near the area so as not to get in the way. They announced that they had enough clothing, blankets and coats. Good thoughts and prayers are always helpful though.

Happy Birthday

2008-01-05T12:32:00.000-08:00

To My Husband

And to my son-in-law.

Because of New Years Eve,my husband has had to work six days in a row, when he usually works four. He would be working today, though, if he hadn't had to do that. We will be going out to his restaurant of choice for dinner tonight. Work wife (if you remember her) made him a beautiful cake and gave it to him Wednesday(she used to do cakes professionally), before she left for a trip with her family to Texas. It is as delicious as foreplay! Chocolate with a creamy filling, chocolate mousse frosting and then covered in a dark chocolate genache(well, I couldn't find how to spell that), decorated beautifully.

He also received his gifts early; two tricky folding sawhorses, because they were what he wanted and on sale.

His mommy just called to wish him a happy birthday. So things are looking good.

A Real Find

2007-12-30T17:46:00.000-08:00

While clearing clutter I came across a journal where, on August 14, 1995, I wrote the following.

"God created me in his image. Perfect. Then the moment I was born the world began it's quest to prove Him wrong. Yet, through it all I managed to figure out that I was receiving the wrong message. I went through a long and arduous process to come to the realization that all people have the ability to become totally and unconditionally loving to all people. We just have to decide to do so , starting with ourselves. If I don't believe it of myself, I can't believe it of others no matter how hard I try."

That was like a dozen years ago and I am still on a quest to reverse the negative messages buried in my subconscious. I have uncovered so much wrong thinking; stuff that was never true and stuff that is no longer true. Anyway, I just thought I'd share this.

Christmas Eve

2007-12-24T16:42:00.000-08:00

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through this house,
not a creature is stirring
cause my husband is at work
and I am at my computer blogging
with my trusty mouse.

Feeling sad....

2007-12-23T13:37:00.000-08:00

It's All About Cookies

It just isn't quite Christmas time without my "cheerren" around. I made a stab at creating some cheer by baking the traditional gingersnaps last night. Figured that if that worked I might graduate to baking some sugar cookies and maybe even decorate them. But then my mind swiftly went to the memories of my kids decorating them with me. I still have the Avon cookie cutters than leave impressions in the cookie dough. I would pipe a hat and scarf on the snowmen and they would dip them in sparkles. Then I would pipe on eyes, nose and buttons and they would stick on raisins and redhots. Then there were the Santas, trees and angels. I continued to do them myself after they refused to participate anymore. They still loved to eat them and kept reassuring me that they were way better than any of the cookies their friends moms made. Then they moved into their own places and I still made them and they came home for Christmas or I sent them to them. Then my husband retired, started a new career and we moved to Nevada.

So, really, I think I have been faking Christmas for a long time now. Last year I didn't even send out Christmas cards for the first time since I was probably 18. Our Christmas tree is one of those artificial prelit trees in a plaster planter that is supposed to sit outside. Last year I decorated it. So far this year, we're lucky if someone plugs the lights in. We've decided no stockings hung by the chimney with care for the first time (It's a gas fireplace anyway).

Maybe I should try making "the little white guys". They are my version of Russian teacakes or Mexican wedding cookies. I shape them into little logs and bake them a little longer than most. As soon as they come out of the oven I set them in a half inch layer of powdered sugar, then I sift another half inch layer on top of them. I decorate them by piping on two green leaves to represent holy and add a redhot. My husband always warns, "Hold your breath when you put them in your mouth or the powdered sugar will suffocate you". He would walk over hot coals for these things. They melt in your mouth and take you to a place you should only go during sex. Well, that may be an exaggeration!

31st Anniversary

2007-12-11T13:45:00.000-08:00

Celebrating today! 31 years with tall, dark and handsome. He came home with roses and a beautiful Waterman fountain pen I had been eyeing. We will go out to a " tablecloth place" for dinner tonight. Our anniversary and my birthday in three days, always get rushed because of holiday festivities. Tomorrow there is a party we'll be attending. When I was 40 my husband arranged for a birthday cake to surprise me at a Christmas party and I had a birthday party when I turned 16. That's OK with me though, I would probably have a heart attack from the shock of another. Likewise, I just now realized that my husband, whose birthday is January 5th has had pretty much the same fate. Where is this going?

Hmmmmmm.......Both our children have had birthday parties. When our daughter was around eleven and every year after, she declared that her birthdays were "no big thing". I continued to make them big things though. That year she insisted that she didn't want a cake, so I decorated cupcakes and had a few of her friends over. She scowled the whole time. Then she left home and her birthday became a REAL big thing!

I just realized that I tried to make up for, with my kids, what I didn't get as a child. We were very, very poor and Christmas gifts were never much. When I was in the third grade we rented a small house from, and next door to "Bull and Aunty" who were very, very not poor. At Christmas, gifts for their four grandkids were stacked to the ceiling around their angel hair smoothered tree, most of which I had helped wrap. So, with my own kids, I really went over the top, though my husband always declared, "Too much".

For most of my life I wanted something other than what I had. Granted, I started out life with a lot of reasons to feel that way. Even when there were no more reasons, I looked for or imagined them. I still have my moments. I have made a major switch in my thinking that I wish had'nt taken so long. LIFE IS A GOOD THING!

Tis the season

2007-12-08T15:27:00.000-08:00

I have given up on posting the pictures that are on our Christmas letter. They are from different sources and I have yet to figure out how to convert them to what blogger will accept. Since you all have become my friends I am

WISHING YOU HAPPINESS

AT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

AND ALWAYS

WITH LOVE,

LUCKYZMOM

2007

Tis the season

This year has been full of visitors, visiting, trips, sorrows, joys, frustrations and above all learning.

We are proud of the people our children have become. Our son continues to live and work in Spokane(WA). He has a new passion, his new Scion X-Box. Our daughter, her husband, and our two perfect grandchildren recently moved back to the Seattle area.

Chris graduated THE top of his MBA graduate program at UNR this spring. I am successfully continuing in my critical position as "Domestic Goddess"!

You will just have to imagine the fabulous pictures that I cropped, lightened, corrected the contrast on and then was unable to transfer to blogger#%&@*&@%#

2007-12-07T16:43:00.001-08:00

I have been trying to create a post including pictures and am very frustrated.

Not my usual excuse for not posting

2007-11-25T13:23:00.000-08:00

When we returned from Las Vegas there was a message on our answering machine saying that the aunt who my husband has always been closest to, had had a massive heart attack. She died around 6 am yesterday morning. We will fly out of Reno around 2 Tuesday afternoon and arrive in Spokane at almost 5 pm. Our return flight is at 4:45pm Thursday.

This has been difficult for my husband and I.

For 32 years she has been someone I loved, admired and adored. I weep.

"It Ain't Easy"

2007-11-18T17:26:00.000-08:00

I will post about our trip to Las Vegas as soon as I get caught up with reading blogs. It makes it more difficult that so many of you are doing the every day in November posting thing!

Las Vegas Convention

2007-11-11T17:44:00.000-08:00

Off to Las Vegas tomorrow for five days to attend the gaming convention. Will be driving my new Motor Trend car of the year! So if you miss my sage comments on your blogs you will know where I am!

2007-11-08T15:06:00.001-08:00

you are lightcyan
#E0FFFF

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.

Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Losing a decade.

2007-11-08T12:58:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago I got the biggest compliment from a slot attendant I am friendly with at the Atlantis Casino. Stopped in for a little video poker after a shopping expedition and buffet meal. While Iftikar and I were chatting he asked if I worked.

"I haven't worked in over 30 years".

"Then that must mean you never worked".

"Oh, I have worked".

"Well, not very long cause you're about 50, take away 30"......

Well, I didn't hear the rest. I gave him a gentle fist on his shoulder and a Cheshire cat grin.

"Thank you, I am 61 and will be 62 the 14th of next month".

"No, that can't be," he said as he looked closer at my face. "You can usually tell by the skin and ...... Well, I don't believe it".

"I could show you my ID!!!"

It is clear to me at this point that he is really sincere in his disbelief .

"You have just made my day"! (But, really he made my year or so!!!!).

Just before he walks off to help someone I look into his thick glasses and for a moment question if maybe he doesn't see well out of them. I decide to dismiss this negative thought and continue to walk on a cloud for awhile.

When I told my husband he said,

"See, I've told you. Eternally youthful".

When I told my son he said,

"Mom, he was hitting on you."

I didn't argue with either one of them and continue to smile about it all.

Waht the......

2007-11-03T16:03:00.000-07:00

I have been organizing and rearranging, tossing some stuff and remembering I had other stuff. Just last week I used the last sheet of the magnified list pad that I keep on the refrigerator. I remembered having another somewhere but couldn't remember where, so I bought another one. Just a few minutes ago I found the one I remembered having. This is the precise reason I am doing the aforementioned. Well, actually that is only part of it. It really all started off because I was looking for something I had written about my childhood that I was going to post on my blog. Haven't found it yet. Perhaps when I do, that will be the end of the aforementioned activities!

Guilty

2007-09-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

Epilogue

"A Dayton man, found guilty of first degree murder last week after a six day trial in Third Judicial District Court in Yerington, has been sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole (with parole available after a minimum of 20 years served).

A seven-woman, five-man jury returned the guilty verdict against Christopher Deyerle, 26, who was charged in connection with the May, 2006, murder of his wife, Heather......

Also prior to the penalty phase of the case, defense attorney John Schlegelmilch argued against the use of penalty phase testimony being allowed from a former girlfriend, the mother of one of Deyerle's children, and about prior acts of alleged abuse from Deyerle, charging that notification wasn't offered, as the State had withdrawn Jessie Wilkinson as a witness for the trial and, as a result, he didn't expect her to be called as a penalty phase witness.

Schlegelmilch argued he could call at least one woman who had a relationship with Deyerle to testify he never was abusive or violent toward her, but that he didn't have time to get her there that day. He also asked for a continuance, saying she could come but would have to arrange time off work. Judge Estes denied the request; however the woman, Jamie Sherman, was allowed to testify on behalf of the defense over the phone........

Deyerle, who took the stand on the final full day of the trial, said he simply "lost it" the day of the shooting---after an argument with his wife about his spending and lack of a job, and during which, he testified, she revealed a relationship with another man, He testified after the shooting he didn't think he'd killed Heather and was simply scared and ran after her father came out of the house.

Closing arguments:

The argument both during trial and during closing arguments was not whether Deyerle committed the act, but whether he did it in a fit of passion or with aforethought. The difference determined first or second degree charges and, as a result, the sentence for the defendant.

During the closing statements, District Attorney Robert Auer argued the defendant was possessive of Heather and had told several people of his intent to kill her if she was caught cheating on him.

The crux, of the case rested in the moments leading up to the shooting and whether a final fatal shot occurred, Auer argued, charging Deyerle had walked up and shot Heather in the head after a previous bullet had knocked her to the ground. The defendant's attorney, though, said witnesses recalled hearing successions of rapid gunshots rather than several shots followed by a single shot.

Schlegelmilch also contended the defendant was arguing with Heather, and she said something to infuriate him and push him over the edge.

Auer contended at least two neutral witnesses saw no provocation; and lastly, he questioned why the defendant did not simply leave when the first rapid shots missed Heather, charging that lended (that is what the article in the newspaper said folks) support to a calculated killing.

Schlegelmilch countered that the victims father described Deyerle as appearing scared in the driveway immediately afterward; and that after the defendant ran away, and upon his arrest near the Carson River, he first inquired about Heather's health, which indicates Deyerle did not mean to kill Heather.

Testifying on behalf of the victim in the penalty phase were her father, mother, younger brother, her step-brother and a friend.

Testifying for the defense in the penalty phase were Deyerle's mother, a close friend, his grandmother and grandfather. His friend testified that Deyerle had a tough early life, including a brother who abused him, and that he had been diagnosed with ADHD and a learning disability. She said he had never been violent.....Schlegelmilch asked family members if Deyerle had ever expressed anything other than regret about the killing of his wife, and they all said no. "

Not verbatim, but a summary for you.

My question is what would make someone think, even in a fit of passion, that shooting at someone, other than in self defense, was an option. Which is why I have read a lot of crime books and watch so many of the crime and detective shows on TV. For years I have thought that along with the reading, writing and arithmetic, the subject of human decency and respect should be a required subject in the curriculum of all schools, starting in the earliest grades, everywhere. Perhaps the UN could work on that.

The Journey Into Jury Duty

2007-09-11T12:58:00.000-07:00

The notice I received said that my name had been drawn for the jury panel for 2007. It went on to say, "When you are summoned for a specific date, be prepared to stay all day or for a number of consecutive days..."! I set the notice aside without much notice as I had served jury duty 7 years before in Spokane County in Washington State. Also, my husband had been selected for jury duty last year and was summoned for a case which was settled out of court. I was expecting the case I was summoned for to be settled out of court also. When I made the call to the clerk's office though, I was told that the case would go on as scheduled. PANIC!

What am I going to wear!!!!
Consistent with the dignity and decorum of the Court, the following attire will be required for Court appearance:
(A) Male: Long or short sleeve dress-type shirts; slacks or dress-type denim trousers, shoes or boots.
(B) Female; Dresses, slacks or shirts and blouses; dress shoes.
In no event will t-shirts, tank or halter-tops, shorts, soiled or unkempt clothing thongs, sandals or casual exercise apparel be allowed.

Let me be clear. I didn't have to have instructions in order to dignify this serious duty with appropriate apparel. What I did initially think was that I needed to loose 30 pounds in three days in order to fit into any of the appropriate clothing I now possess. And if it turned out that the case required us to be sequestered for several days.....!

So I went into the mode I usually go through when I prepare to be away from home for vacation or such. PANIC!!!! I try on all wardrobe possibilities, make lists, go through my toiletries, make more lists and on and on until it is 1:35 of the night before and I have to get up at 6:45 the next morning. Well, I got into bed and tossed and turned until, of course, 5:38 when I had to get up and pee. Healthy REM was out of the question now. I dressed in black RL slacks, a pink RL long sleeve blouse with black stripes, white collar and cuffs adding a black Claibourne tie from my husbands huge collection, the knot hanging loosely several inches below the collar of my blouse. I was pleased with my dignified appearance. I slipped into my navy Crocs, intending to change into black dress shoes before entering the courthouse (but, I forgot until I was sitting in a jurors seat and unable to do anything about it).

Anyway, I drove off. The drive was pleasant and uneventful. When I turned onto Main Street behind several cars I had been following and or had been following me most of the way, I realized we must all be going to the same place, The Lyon County Courthouse. The setting was straight out of that Grisham book where the lawyers house gets burned down. What was the name of that book? Excuse me a minute. I must go to Amazon.com and find out. (A passage of time.........) "A Time To Kill" is the name of the book.

I was transported a hundred years as I stepped through the huge wooden doors, then the more modern glass ones. A worn wooden staircase loomed before me. Typed instructions taped to the front doors had directed me to Court Room 1 on the second floor. I climbed the stairs and waited with the others circled against the walls around the landing, inspecting the interesting pattern of the worn black and white marble floor, the elaborate dark wood crown molding, wainscoting and paneling while waiting for the door to Court Room 1 to open. When it did , we all herded in and took a seat. There were more people than the 112 seats, perhaps three dozen more, and they all crowded around the walls. The architecture here was as equally fascinating to me as the rest had been. The movie "To Kill a Mockingbird" immediately came to mind. I wouldn't have been surprised to see the lawyers in suspenders when they finally came out.

The defendant was sitting alone at the defense table when we entered the courtroom. He wore dark rimmed glasses, a short sleeve white shirt that obviously had just come out of a new package, a tie of horizontal stripes in various shades of blue, chinos and a dark belt. His hair was shaved almost bald, but it was obviously very dark and a fraction of an inch longer like a rice bowl on top of his head. From the jury seat I later realized that initially I sat directly behind members of his family. I had wondered about that when I noticed that two of the girls in front of me looked related to each other and were whispering to one another and at one point I saw one of them quietly crying. (I have always been intuitive like that).

I wanted to take this time to apologize for all the years that I smoked and sat next to people smelling like an ashtray. I seem to have chosen a seat surrounded by smokers and I couldn't just get up and move. So now I know. Sorry.

We were instructed to stand. The judge entered and sat behind his imposing podium, then instructed us to sit. We sat. He greeted us cordially and thanked us for coming. He asked us to respond with "here" when the court clerk called our name (The people in front of me never responded....another clue to their identity). And then he told us. And I could physically feel the heavy onus that was felt in the room when the judge announced that the case we were here for was one of "Murder in the first degree".

The jury box on the right side of the courtroom consisted of two rows of six old swivel wooden arm chairs attached to the floor with a smaller box on the right having four more of the same chair. There were two rows of brown folding chairs set up in front of the jury box. The clerk turned the handle of a tumbler, opened the door of it and pulled out a small piece of paper, then read aloud the name on it. My name was the sixth to be called and I took my seat.

When everyone was seated the judge explained how the selection of the twelve jurors and two alternates would be selected. He would ask us some general questions. The defense attorney would ask us more specific questions and then the prosecutor would ask us questions. We were instructed to raise our hands if we had a positive answer to the questions asked. I felt like I raised my hand more often than most. In my previous jury experience, most of the questions that the judge asked had been answered on a questionnaire before we filed into the courtroom. Also in my previous jury duty they told us what the case was about before they asked if we had heard about it. If you were only told that it was a case of murder in the first degree how would you answer the question, "Do you have any knowledge of the facts in this case?"

As the questions were asked some people would be thanked for their honesty and excused. The clerk would reach into the "Bingo like" drum and call another name. After we had been seated for a little over an hour the judge called for a fifteen minute recess, instructing us to not discuss the case amongst each other or with anyone else, not to read any newspapers or listen to any TV or radio news and to sit in the same seats we now occupied when we returned from our break.

As we were filing out I was standing next to the prosecuting attorney when some perspective jurors complained to him about a group of people who were talking with each other, obviously not in the jury pool and were very distracting. I had noticed them when we were waiting to come in to the courtroom and questioned whether they were perspective jurors because they all reminded me of Ozzie Osbourne and wore medal medallions around there necks that were five point stars inside a circle. When we returned from our break they were no longer in the courtroom.

The questioning continued until there were no more positive answers and no more questions. I was still seated. The judge excused the remaining jury pool still in the audience and called for a thirty minute recess, instructing us to sit in the courtroom seats when we returned.

We waited maybe ten to fifteen minutes in the courtroom before the accused, the deputies, lawyers, stenographer, clerk, etc and finally the judge returned. The judge reassured all of us that we shouldn't feel bad because we had all been deemed worthy to serve. Then the twelve jurors and two alternates, that had been selected, took their seats as the clerk called their names. It felt a bit like choosing up teams for a baseball game, "will I be chosen?" I wasn't. I was sorta disappointed and relieved at the same time. The thought of not having to possibly be sequestered for a week and a half or more, or having to get up unnaturally early (for me) and driving an hour each way every day for that long was relieving. I drove home.

That next night on the news the accused was shown in black and white stripe prison garb, hands in cuffs clasped in front of his body, shuffling into the courtroom (not the same one I had been in the day before) with ankle restraints to be arraigned, last year. And the newsman said, "A Dayton man accused of killing his estranged wife in her parents driveway now is on trial. Opening statements were held today in the murder trial of 26 year old Christopher D. Prosecutors say last year D shot and killed his wife, 24 year old Heather Green D. Lyon Co. authorities caught him the next day. He reportedly told deputies that he intended to kill himself but he ran out of bullets. He faces life in prison if he's convicted."

I will keep you informed.

Jury Duty update coming soon to a blog near you!

2007-09-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

Exhausted from too little sleep. Will get some and get back to you soonest.

Jury Duty

2007-09-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

I was hoping that the case would be settled out of court and I wouldn't have to make the more than one hour trip to the County Courthouse. I served jury duty before in Spokane, WA., but the courthouse was only 10-15 minutes away.

I am told to be prepared to stay all day or for a number of consecutive days. Whoa, now! I'm hoping I will be able to come home. How would one prepare for something like this?

Ten things I like about myself

2007-08-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

?
??
???
????
?????

Well, no one asked me to do this, so why am I torturing myself?

Good exercise.

1) I like that I paint amazing watercolors. I also draw really well. I like to say that I studied art in Europe cause it sounds cool. And I did really, when my husband was in the Air Force and we were stationed in Germany. One of the other wives was an art teacher and taught in her home. She was very good and I learned a lot about drawing, mixing colors, perspective, etc. And it was an inspiration for me to keep playing with it. After my husband retired from the Air Force 23 years later I decided to treat myself to some professional watercolors after reading several books on the subject from the library. I played around and was surprised at how good what I painted was. So, I signed up for watercolor classes that were being offered through the City Parks and Recreation Dept. I surprised myself, my teacher and everyone who saw my paintings. I joined an art group and a watercolor group shortly after we moved here. The watercolor group met only once to paint together. The art group met the second Tuesday of every month. There were all kinds of media represented. Once a year in July they had an "Art Sale, House and Garden Tour". I wasn't ready to sell any of my paintings at the first sale, but I displayed some. The night before the event my sister in law died and I was unable to attend. I was later told that my paintings were very well received and I could have sold them all if I'd wanted to. I haven't really painted anything seriously since then. I have been planning one though.

2) I like that I love babies and that they love me. This has been so since I was a very small child, 6 or 7 years old.

3) I like that I will stand up for others, even strangers. A recent example was when I was checking out at Ross several months ago. A young woman was arguing with a cashier at another register, in a very loud voice, about not being able to get cash back for an item she was returning without a receipt and asked for the manager. The cashier sent her over to the cashier who was checking me out She started cussing and screaming and I just spoke up and said, "Now wait a minute. I don't care how upset you are, that kind of language is totally uncalled for." She looked at me and I kept my eyes glued to hers. She said something, though I don't remember what (except that it didn't contain cuss words), turned around in a huff , grabbed the article she was trying to get cash for from the counter at the other register and went out the door. I was like frozen. The cashier said, "Thank you so much. She has been in here before causing trouble." I said, "Well that was uncalled for." I may have said other stuff before I picked up my package and walked halfway to the door before I realized that I hadn't paid for my stuff yet. So, I turned around, saw everyone was staring at me, walked back, apologized and paid. My husband tells me all the time that I don't have to be the "Policewoman of the World", and I have repressed this trait in me, especially when I am with him. But, I am just now realizing that he doesn't like it because he does not like confrontation. Hmmmmmmm.......

4) I like that I will tell you if your slip is showing (though many of you may not even know what a slip is!), if you come out of the restroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe, will tuck in the label of your blouse or let you know you have mayonnaise on the corner of your mouth. Because I would be grateful if you told me. Sorta like #3.

5) I like that I have beautiful natural dark blond hair with golden highlights and only a few wisps of white by my ears ( which is not visible unless I pull my hair back). Most women my age have been totally gray for years. Woooo who.....

6) I like that I have not given up.

7) I like that I rise to an occasion, step up to the plate, generously lend a hand, am willing to take charge if no one else is.

8) I like that I am empathetic. Extremely so.

9) I like that I had all those boulders in my life to push aside, go around, over or under. As a result I am stronger, wiser, have more faith, more love, more patience, more understanding and compassion.

10) I like that I have always wanted to know things and would go on long expeditions in my mind until I was satisfied.

10a) I like that I quit smoking one year, five months, two weeks and one day ago. It is not that I don't still want to have just one, every once in awhile. It is like wanting to jump a tall dark and handsome strangers bones, but know I won't.

10b) I like that I raised two beautiful babies that grew into beautiful adults.

10c) I like that I am finally realizing what it feels like to love myself.

This is easier once you get started!!! I would recommend it to anyone that stops by who hasn't done it already.

Poetry Pity Party

2007-08-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

Conflicting Convictions

I want to cry,
so I sigh.
No one takes me seriously,
because I bluster
and posture
and have conflicts
that divide
my convictions
and conflicting
til I'm back where I started
with fears
and tears.

Luckyzmom

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY

2007-07-25T13:36:00.000-07:00

JULY 25, 1978........FLUGPLATZ HAHN, GERMANY........5:30PM

The week before I had spent 24 hours in false labor and been sent home.

July 24th I had an OB appointment. My husband was scheduled to fly with the Wing Commander. Seven year old Lucky woke up that morning with chicken pox!

When you are an Air Force wife the subject of whether or not your husband will be around for the births of your children comes up in conversation a lot. It was well known that a mission would not be cancelled for the birth of a baby, much less because your daughter had broke out in chicken pox the morning of your OB appointment.

I sat Lucky, covered in calamine lotion, on the big expanse of lawn in front of the Base Hospital near a tree with orange juice, donuts and Barbies. I could see her from the waiting room window until I went in for my appointment.

I was weighed, my blood pressure and temperature taken, then left to undress and wait for the doctor. When taking the first step to get onto the exam table a rush of warm green liquid gushed to the floor. My water had broke! I don't recall how long I stood there before someone came in.

All I could think of when I was told I was being admitted was of Lucky sitting under that tree with chicken pox. Someone called Luckyzdads squadron. Luckyzdad was taxiing for takeoff with the Wing Commander when his plane was radioed that I was being admitted and Lucky was sitting in the middle of the lawn at the hospital with chicken pox (he had not known about the chicken pox). If he had been scheduled to fly that day with anyone other than the Wing Commander he would have had to finish the mission. The Wing Commander cancelled the flight.

Lucky was rescued from under the tree and my husband joined me at the hospital.

It was a very long and difficult labor. My labor was finally augmented after more than 24 hours. When I went into the delivery room exhausted, there continued to be problems and a more experienced OB was called in to do a high forceps delivery. It was then discovered, not only that Lucky had a baby brother as she had hoped for (this was before it was possible to know the sex before birth), but that he had a true knot in his umbilical cord (it is usually just a kink).

Luckyzbrother was 8# 8 1/2 0z and 21 inches long with a silky shock of thick dark hair like his Dad. He was given his fathers first name as his middle name and a derivation of my maternal grandfathers middle name for a first.

He has become an amazing, delightful man who I am very proud of.

Boat ride

2007-07-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

Emerald Bay, Lake Tahoe

luckyzmom and luckyzdad

We drove back to Harvey's where we were staying overnight in a lake view room with, as we discovered early, an incredibly comfortable bed. Early (anything before ten is early for us two vampires) the next morning we grazed at Harrah's breakfast buffet, then joined about 16 others on the bus that was taking us to the "Tahoe Star" to tour Emerald Bay.

Entering Emerald Bay

Fannette Island, the only island on the lake.

The "Tea House", perched atop Fannette Island, is a one room stone structure built in 1928 by Mrs. Lora Josephine Knight, the founder of Vikingsholm estate.

Mrs. Knight and her guests occasionally took tea here in the afternoon at a large oak table in the center of a room 16 feet square.

Vikingsholm

Mrs Knight spared no expense to create a replica of an 11th century Viking castle. An army of 200 workers completed the 38 room mansion in just one summer. The grounds are now part of Emerald Bay State Park. Features of the home include delicate paintings on ceilings and walls, six Nordic fireplaces, intricately carved "dragon" beams, Scandinavian antiques and sod roofs seeded with wildflowers. There is a hiking trail off of highway 89, which is one mile in length and drops 500 feet in elevation to the house, which can be toured in the summer.(Restoration was being done in the area of the blue tarp. And many of the antiques had been removed during the recent fire which came within 4 miles of the castle.)

The round library on the Southwest corner of the Vikingsholm, built specifically to hold a round Chinese cashmere rug purchased by MrsKnight for $40,000 in 1928. The rug is still in the castle today.

Back side of Fannette Island

I just love the rocks at Lake Tahoe and paint them often.

Mini Vacation

2007-07-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

Tahoe....

One of my favorite places in the world!!!

Tuesday my husband and I joined a group from his work at Zephyr Cove Stables Lake Tahoe for "a guided horseback ride, lasting about one hour, followed by a hearty campsite dinner. "

A vague message greeted us Tuesday upon rising that said something like, "people are canceling like crazy. Call the organizer." No answer at the organizers number.

I should take a moment here to refer you to my May 19 post http://luckyzmom-luckyzmom.blogspot.com/2007/05/graduation-day-gone-wild.html where a highly anticipated event was recently unavoidably missed. Also a few years earlier another highly anticipated group trip was cancelled. So my husband was loosing confidence fast. We had arranged to stay overnight at a South Shore hotel and take a boat ride the next day, so I told him, "It doesn't matter if we don't get to ride horses. We will have a great time anyway." He agreed.

So we packed up our pointy toe cowboy boots, our ten gallon hats, camera, binoculars, waterjug, sunscreen . . . . . (you get the point, we were prepared) and headed off on the scenic route to Lake Tahoe. I started oooooh-ing and aaaaah-ing early with frequent sighs mixed in. It's just me and is endearing to some and irritating to others.

The handout from the organizer read, "We will meet at the stables at 4:00, giving us enough time to saddle up and tame our Mangy Beast." We arrived a few minutes early, expecting that at the very least the organizer would be there. There was no one, but, we were ready to ride all by ourselves. Finally we received a call clarifying what was going on. The ride would still happen, but if there weren't at least ten people we wouldn't get fed. So, that was a horse of a different color which brightened us up considerably because we knew there were a whole lot of great places to eat in the area.

A fun bunch of people joined us talking about the storm clouds and lightening some had experienced on the way up. A few sprinkles fell as we were helped onto our horses. Then, off we went into the forest in groups of four, following a guide up the mountain. The scenery took my breathe away. Staying on the horse was no small challenge for me. This was not a stroll in the park. The trail was, at times, seemingly straight up, straight down, only a foot or two wide, rocky, dusty, and on more than one occassion my horse's hoof would slip and I was sure I was going to go ass over teakettle back where we came from or get crushed by my horse or trampled by my husband's horse behind me. It was a fine adventure!!!! and I loved every minute.

I wasn't able to get as many pictures as I expected because of the degree of attention needed to stay in the saddle and the constant motion. We stopped only briefly when someone got out of line (usually me) or needed to catch up or when one of the horses needed a potty break. (All the horses following behind would step around "it", whether liquid or solid). Therefore, I barely was able to get my camera out of the bag hanging around my neck before we started moving again. The pictures I took were taken, literally point and shoot and a hope you would get something. They turned out to be blurs.

luckyzdad, Jane, Cindy, Dale, Carol, Marcie, Lynda

After we returned to the stables and dismounted (I sorta fell off) we were taken to the campsite on bales of hay for dinner. We had some drinks while we shared andlaughed before digging into the chow that had been cooked on these grills fashioned from huge oil barrels; teriyaki beef, grilled chicken, roasted potatoes, corn on the cob, barbecue beans, grilled garlic bread, green salad and sa'mores. Everyone agreed that the food was spectacular. We jawed around the campfire awhile, as some pitched horseshoes. A totally enjoyable experience we agreed as we walked back to our cars, said our thank yous and goodbyes and drove away.

Requesting your thoughts and prayers

2007-07-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

Another piece of my heart
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Every day since my last post I have felt guilty because I was receiving so much comfort, entertainment, knowledge, pleasure and stimulation from reading others blogs when I hadn't posted in such a long time. How could I just step in and ask for thoughts and prayers for my dearest friend who has been diagnosed with "invasive lobular carcinoma" in her left breast.

How could I not.

She is scheduled for a mastectomy on July 24th.

I am asking for your loving thoughts and prayers.

Thank you.

ah haw!!!

2007-06-04T17:04:00.000-07:00

OOPS

I have wondered what happened to comments that I was so sure I had left. I just caught myself unconsciously ready to exit the comments section of a blog before publishing the thoughtful, astute, brilliant comment I had just composed and realized that "ah haw!!!@#~*&!" that must be where all those comments disappeared ! Oops! Sorry to everyone affected, but who knows who that is.

I will be more careful in the future.

Another discovery I recently made (less than an hour ago) was a website that was instrumental in me repairing three very expensive Waterman fountain pens. I meant to send them off to be repaired a long time ago. I was reminded of them as I visited beth's calligraphy blog and from there found the site that led me to repair my nibs. All three are working well now. One nib was completely broken off at the tip so I turned it into a calligraphy pen. I love fountain pens as well as smooth and creamy lined paper.

Have a happy new day!!!!!

Inducement or induction/

2007-05-28T00:56:00.000-07:00

Balboa Naval Hospital, May 28,1971
Early morning.

It seems to me that the first attempt to induce me was some kind of pills under my tongue with no success.

Then the doctor broke my water, with no success.

Finally a petocin drip was started and I remember the success was fast and hard and strong. There was another mother in the same labor room with me who was having a hard time with her labor and was screaming loudly. I was focusing and breathing because of my self help Lamaze and was refusing any drugs. I was praised many times by the nurses and doctors. Soon I was transferred to a gurney wheeled into the delivery room. I broke down and consented to an epidural. And right soon . . . . .IT'S A GIRL!!!

I heard someone say they bet she would be a record 2 feet. I was wheeled into recovery and told to massage my uterus. I asked a nurse when I would get to see my baby. She told me, "At least eight hours, but probably not til the ten o'clock feeding. But, if they ever make a mistake I hope they will for you."

Then I was taken to the ward to join the other 40 new mothers. I followed all their instructions to the letter and counted the hours til I would see my baby. At 6am a train of babies were wheeled in. I laid in my bed so bummed that I would have to wait another four hours. Then I heard my name being called. I sprang up to a sitting position. They laid her in my arms. This beautiful memory is causing me to tear up as I write this. She was incredibly gorgeous with lots of long dark hair on a beautifully shaped head. I put her to my breast and she started to nurse. She and one other of the 40 babies on the ward nursed. A nurse that had been helping the other mother who was having a difficult time, came over to help me and was surprised I wasn't having any trouble at all. I waited as long as possible to return her to the train of carts that would take her away from me til the next feeding. The babies were brought to the mothers for feedings every four hours starting at 6am, except at 2am when the babies were fed in the nursery. I had requested they not give my baby anything but water, because that is what was suggested by La Leche.

My beautiful baby girl was 9 pounds 6 1/2 oz and was 23 1/4 inches long. I went in on Friday and left the hospital on Monday. I actually weighed less than I did when I got pregnant and was the only new mother leaving that day wearing clothes. All the others had to wear their robes or maternity clothes because they couldn't fit into 'real' clothes. I have always been quite proud of that.

When we got her home my Mom and I gave her a bath and while I was drying her off in my lap she stood up!!! She slept in a bassinet and would scootch up til she could go no further because she was so long. And her feet corresponded to her length, so all the beautiful booties my Mom had knit for her were too small. All her nighties were those 'Sweetpea' things I loved so much that tied at the bottom. She wore them for such a long time with the strings taken out. But, then she also wore cloth diapers.

She has become a most amazing woman.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY AMAZING DAUGHTER!!!

10

2007-05-27T02:47:00.000-07:00

Ten Things That Make My Life Wonderful

Special K -toni has tagged me for another meme. Probably because I have had nothing to say, because I don't want to whine. I just left some great advice on marsha's blog that I should be following. So, right now my life is not wonderful, but I think it is wonderful that I am still alive.

So many of you have taken off like rockets in your blogs with new looks and all kinds of tricky stuff. Some of it makes me dizzy, but also amused and proud.

I remember when we used to write letters by hand and put them in the mail. It was always difficult for me to finish them and get them mailed. Ten, fifteen pages and extra postage was common, as well as finding unfinished letters months later. I am sorta kinda feeling like that right now.

So on with the meme..........

Here is my list of 10 things in my life that give me pleasure. I make my life wonderful.

1. My cozy warm blanket. It is incredibly soft and warm and is the color of the coffee with cream that I drink in the morning. I cuddle on the sofa in it and add it to my side of the bed when there's a chill.

2. My bed. The name of it is nebula and it is out of this world and a king.

3. "Little Car"- a zippy little Hyundai Accent.

4. Talking on the phone with my closest friend who lives across the country and doesn't blog.

5. Bathtub drain stopper. Something I wanted to invent myself. I goes on the overflow drain of our long deep tub so the water level can be higher. I love a deep hot bath with a good book.

6. Green beans and snow crab legs which I've said before and will probably say again.

7. The view out my kitchen windows.

8. TV

9. My husband, children and grandchildren.

10. Bloggers in all different kinds of packages that have opened up my world. I feel much better after sharing with you all!!

This is a great meme if you're needing a boost. Let me know if you do it. I'm running out of steam.

Graduation day gone wild

2007-05-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

May 18, 2007

GRADUATION

This was the day we looked forward to for three years. This day was the reason we moved almost 800 miles almost four years ago. This day was the reason I tiptoed around in our marriage the past three years so as not to disturb the learning process. Most of all though, this was the day my husband had been working like a dog for, for three grueling years. Really. I know how hard he worked and how much he sacrificed for this day.

The day before we attended a reception to honor top scholars. He was THE top scholar in the UNR MBA graduate program, summa cum laude with a 4.0. It was a proud day.

May 18 though was THE day. I carefully ironed his gown and he carefully hung it in the car. We left in plenty of time to make it to the graduation ceremony, find a parking space and assemble with the other members of the graduating class for advanced degrees at 4:00 p.m. for the the processional at 4:30. About halfway there the freeway traffic slowed to a standstill.

"Oh, no!" I said.

The traffic would creep forward a car length or two and stop.

"Probably an accident." one of us said. We began to talk about the last time we were stuck on I-80 like this. It took us over 3 hours to get off the freeway. As the minutes ticked by and it was closer and closer to 4:00 p.m. we began to lament.

"The Lord does not mean for me to get there on time," my husband said.

"I wonder what He's trying to tell you," I said. And my husband laughed, I guess cause I say that a lot.

At four my husband called work wife, who was waiting at the UNR quadrangle, to let her know that we were stuck in traffic on I 80. While he was talking the traffic started moving better and then the reason for the delay was apparent. A wildfire had swept across the hills threatening to cross the freeway. We joined her after the ceremony had already begun.

I can count on my fingers the times in my life that I felt as badly as I did sitting there next to my husband listening to them not announce his name, not seeing him cross the stage in the cap, gown and hood that had been so carefully tended to and that he was so proud of (tears are falling right now remembering the sadness). It was torture and I wanted to run away, so I can't imagine how much harder it was for him to sit there next to me. It was supposed to be such a joyous, proud event. As soon as the last graduate had crossed the stage I turned to my husband and announced his name, Master of Business Administration, summa cum laude, and applauded for him. He still graduated of course, but, the parade was rained on big time. Coincidentally, while walking on the sidewalk back to the parking garage the sprinklers came on and doused us. It kinda broke the morbid tension too.

We, all three the graduate, his wife and his work wife went out to a lovely place for dinner. You know where there are white table clothes so I can drip balsamic vinegar on it from dipping wonderful herb crusty chewy bread in it. I had three delicious huge (no really huge) prawns wrapped in prosciutto, grilled, stood with tails in the air in yummy garlic mashed potatoes finished with a heavenly creamy cheesy wine sauce, green beans and those skinny little 3" carrots that they leave part of the tops on. The graduate had a unique chicken Parmesan and work wife had lasagna (which is what I think we actually all wanted), which came with separate pieces of the best Italian sausage (she gave me a bite) I have ever eaten. We all passed on dessert.

We able to laugh about it today and I suggested what he might be meant to learn from this experience. I know, I know, I shouldn't have, but bad habits are hard to break. When he went off to work this evening he took stuff to work on a resume' during his breaks. So, all is well now and I am looking forward to reconnecting to my husband now that I don't have to worry about the learning process anymore, but, darn I sure wished it hadn't happened this way.

I hope it is all in my head

2007-05-15T15:30:00.000-07:00

Weird
Out of character
####################

Please, I need advice. Someone I deeply love has recently done a 180 and I don't know what to do about it. At first I thought it was me. I have been working towards my authentic self and thought perhaps the changes I've made were being tested. Weird things keep popping up. When I share them with others whose opinions I trust, they agree that something out of the ordinary must be happening in this persons life. I am torn between: If it is something I needed to know I would have been told and what if I'm missing a scream for help. I've missed calls and been unable to call but did finally email asking what's up.

I fear sticking my nose in where it isn't wanted and fear ..... well ..... fear rejection ..... and perhaps denial ..... or that I will find out that it is all in my head.

If I have done something, I am completely unaware of what it could be. Once a long time ago one of my bestfriends stopped writing to me (I was in Guam and she was in Washington state), and not only did I not notice, I had no idea that I had said something that would upset her so much that she wouldn't correspond for two years (this was in the old days!). I would have liked to have been able to clear up what turned out to be a misunderstanding, sooner. Something similar happened with the person I am concerned about more than ten years ago and I just found out three or four years ago why.

Anyway, I digress .... I would like to hear how you might respond in a similar situation.

ABC - that's how elementary it's going to be.......

2007-05-10T01:44:00.001-07:00

meno tagged me for the abc meme.

A. Attached or single-attached.
B. Best friend- contact with my best friend in high school has dwindled to occasional cards the last several years.....my other best friend of almost 25 years lives across the country....we call each other often and I have visited her several times, though not recently.
C. Cake or pie-a dark, moist, dense carrot cake or my own apple or cherry pie.
D. Drink of choice-water, water and more water. .... coffee; Starbuck's House Blend with heavy whipping cream .....equal parts Dewars scotch and white creme d' menthe on the rocks.
E. Essential item-fountain pen....and either peacock or purple ink cartridges. Writing just isn't the same without them.
F. Favorite color-yellow. And I just recently realized this. I've always loved yellow but was never able to wear it, so even I thought green was my favorite color because it was the color I wore most often and that I decorated my house with .
G. Gummi bears or worms-really soft squishy gummi bears like we first had 28 years ago in Germany.
H. Hometown-I would have to say Seattle, though I now live and have lived many other places.
I. Indulgence-floating.
J. January or February-February because my grandson was born in February.
K. Kids- One of each. Both wonderful human beings.
L. Life is incomplete without-love
M. Marriage date-December 11, 1976
N. Number of siblings-1 1/2, both brothers, one I've never laid eyes on and one hasn't spoken to me since our stepfather died 7 years ago.
O. Oranges or apples-apples.....it is easier to select good apples.
P. Phobias/fears-fears.....many and varied. I was cured of my bee phobia.
Q. Favorite quote-"Dumb as dirt" and "Life is about the journey not the destination".
R. Reasons to smile-grandchildren, son, daughter, husband (not at this moment), babies, puppies, kittens, penguins, bunnies, hugs, kisses, flowers, some rocks make me smile, strawberries, when I look in the mirror and like what I see (more often lately), friends, many songs, memories, today not much.
S. Seasons-watching spring happen is my favorite.
T. Tags- toni
U. Unknown fact about me-I can't think of any facts about me that I haven't at some point told someone.
V. Vegetarian or oppressor of animals-I am prejudiced towards neither.
W. Worst habit- chewing my cuticles til they bleed and blogging.
X. X-rays or ultrasound-this is a weird question but it is a well known fact that I hate mammograms.
Y. Your favorite foods-snow crab, green beans, pasta in cream sauce, pizza.
Z. Zodiac- Sagittarius

Hurrah

2007-04-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

Hurrah!!!
Hurrah!!!
Hurrah!!!
Hurrah!!!
Hurrah!!!

I opened the door and there they stood. It felt like Christmas morning and they were beautiful packages waiting to be unwrapped. They lit up my life for four glorious days.

My daughter has a new whispy, shaggy hairstyle that suits her perfectly, has lost weight and glows with a new confidence since we'd last been together almost a year ago. My grandchildren were even more georgeous than the fabulous photos we'd been getting of them.

I mean our daughter and OUR grandchildren. Sorry.

I had the thought that it might be awkward for our grandchildren for a bit since it had been so long. I needn't have worried. They are two of the most exquisite human beings imaginable. REALLY. It has NOTHING to do with the fact that they are my grandchildren!!! But, mostly to do with the fact of their parenting.

I was a little jealous that they coveted Grandpa more than they did me. The next day we all went to "The Wilbur May Center" museum. The highlight was when the kids held real live snakes! Yikes! I pretended like I did it all the time so I wasn't expected to participate. (I could have if I had to).

The next night Grandpa had to work. Sad faces from both of his idolizers. After an adventure of investigating near the water and climbing Indian Rock at Pyramid Lake, we stopped in to see Grandpa at work in the casino. It must have been a bit like Chucky Cheesee on steroids for the kids walking through all the lights and noise and people. We had no trouble getting them to keep holding our hands. As soon as Granddaughter saw Grandpa she called out his name and ran at him with joy and relief.

A long trip to Tahoe was next where we had a new eating experience at Fire n' Ice. Grandson and I stayed on terra firma while the two girls took the gondola ride up to Heavenly and back. We spent some time at the shore of Lake Tahoe exploring and posing for the pro. Waiting patiently and expectantly to see the results. On the rest of the trip around the lake we stopped at the exact spot where I had taken the picture of Lake Tahoe that is on this blog.

The next day they left me><
><
><
><
><
><
><
That was me having a pity party......

It was distressing to hear that they had car trouble on the way back home and that it is going to cost a big hunk of change to fix.

Thinking Bloggers Meme

2007-04-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

I have been entertaining my daughter and grandchildren since dinner time on Wednesday right after I was given a thinkers award from toni.

So I am just now posting this.

Well all the blogs I visit make me think:
I think that is stupid.
I think that photo is beautiful.
I think that is funny.
You see what I mean.
So, how many is it? Five? I think I must think of five blogs that I visit that make me think and then say something about why it makes me think. And of course it doesn't count that toni who tagged me is one of my favs because I feel very comfortable with her, like I 've known her for years.

biscotto is the most intriguing blog I have read. Her writing puts you in the seat right next to her. It was from one of menos favs that I found her.

Amber's' writing is compelling and gentle. She shares her past to help others and shares her lovely family perhaps to show how it is possible to overcome.

Blog Ant is a fabulous writer. Unlike me, no interpreter is necessary when you read her totally engrossing posts, no matter what they are about.

Atavist makes me think harder than any. On several occasions I ended up with many hand written pages trying to express how I felt about a certain subject he was discussing and ended up not commenting at all.

And meno, ah meno, I can't really say why I relate so totally to her blog.
And since meno is always mentioned in fabulous five memes I will add another fascinating blog.

deirdre fills her blog with the breathings of her heart.

Here they come!!!!!!

2007-04-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

JOY`JOY`JOY`

I am anticipating a visit from my first born and her first and second born in about six hours!!!! It has been almost a year, so Granpa and I are excitavariestly looking forward to seeing them all. There have been so many changes.

So, I ask my daughter, "Tell me what kind of cereal would they like to have that you don't let them have. It will just be just for when they come to Grandma and Grandpas' house and so it won't be like you're allowing it." (This was a ritual of Grandpas' with his Grandma that he wanted to fondly continue).

First she snickered and said it was nice of me to ask, then said, "I don't know what kind of cereal it is, but something with Spiderman or some other character on it for Grandson. And there's a box with a princess on it that Granddaughter covets."

So Grandpa and I were going thru the aisles of Walmart in the wee hours of this morning giggling over new discoveries that little kids might like. Gogurts to name just one. Grandpa was thrilled to find that Spidey was on the box of his favorite cereal, "Cocoa Puffs"! I thought about, but didn't get Sugar Smacks for Lucky.

And now I must get a bunch of stuff done before they get here. And probably won't have much to say to any of you til after they all head back home Sunday with a big piece of my heart. I'm talking about comments cause you know how lousy I am in the Post department. I know you'll miss me and I you. Maybe.

One thing leads to another II

2007-04-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

One Thing Leads to Another - Part II

I just really have wanted to know. First, why I was fat, instead of searching for ways to lose weight. That question took me through the process of self analysis, reading, exercises, self hypnosis. And what I found was that I had been molested by my father when I was still in diapers. That I screamed and hit my kids because I was full of anger not because they were doing bad things. That I was controlling because I had been abandoned by everyone I ever loved. That I sabotaged myself because I thought I was an evil person because I thought I did evil things. That I was an adult child of an alcoholic as well as having been a codependent wife of an alcoholic ex-husband. And what became clear to me is that when you clear up one thing the way is open to work on something else when you are searching for clarity.

One thing that has become clear to me is that when I started to believe I was fat, I really wasn't. When I was in the fifth grade everyone was required to be weighed. The results were listed on the blackboard. I was the heaviest in the whole class. I have carried that humility with me to this day. Unknown to me at the time, I was also the oldest because of my birth date. I was two and a half months shy of being seven years old when I started first grade. Looking at pictures of me taken during that time, it is obvious that I was not fat. But, I believed the lie and the lie grew bigger and so did I.

I continue to uncover lies that I believed of myself and also truths, some good, some bad some beautiful. I am grateful that I started this journey of self discovery. It is changing my life.

There is a famous quote about an unexamined life........ ?

.

Closer Than a Friend

2007-04-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

CLOSER THAN A FRIEND

It has been at least a decade, probably two, since I wrote these words. I was practicing a new alphabet in calligraphy by putting these thoughts down. The sentiment between us is even stronger now, but I am kinder to myself. I am tossing out the calligraphy and thought this would be a good place to save the words. My friend is going through a very tough time right now, recently having lost her mother and a dear dear friend, so the piece of my heart that belongs to her is hurting right now.

A PIECE OF MY HEART

How does it happen? I felt right off that we'd be friends, though it seemed so unlikely. She is such a classy elegant lady, so friendly and considerate. And so beautiful. The shiny marvel of her raven black hair against the delicate ivory of her skin is enchanting. Her features are perfect, her expressions inviting. People stand close to her.

I on the other hand am not so magnetic and take some getting used to. Mousy blond hair, brooding eyes with flabby lids, and equally flabby body, but I do have perfectly beautiful teeth, even though they're encased inside a turned down mouth. The whole effect being a perpetual look of anger, unless disturbed by a pleasant thought, which barely manages to save me from being ugly. So, in looks and manners we couldn't be more different.

But, it continually amazes us how much alike our thoughts are, how cohesive our feelings. Vividly we feel each others successes, disappointments, joys, sorrows and frustrations. We both feel that the other is superior and it came as quite a surprise to find too, that each of us feels the most blessed by our relationship!

All About Me(me)

2007-04-05T16:50:00.001-07:00

Three Things
Three Things
Three Things
I was tagged by toni, the only blogger who cares about me, for this:

All About Me(me)

3 things that scare me:
....Speaking in front of a microphone without a script
....Answering our home phone
....Making appointments on the phone
3 bloggers that make me laugh :
....toni
....lucky
....azucar
3 things I love:
....Babies
....Old things-I love ghost towns, castles, ruins, old structures, old gravestones, old growth forests, antiques, etc.
....Tahoe
3 things I hate:
....Mammograms
....Bras
....Uncomfortable shoes
3 things I don't understand:
....Murder
....Deceit
....My husband
3 things on my desk (worktable):
....Magnifying swing arm lamp
....Watercolor paraphernalia
....A cucumber metal brush holder
3 things I'm doing right now:
....Baking an angel food cake
....I was reading blogs right before toni emailed me
....Trying to be clever and entertaining
3 things I want to do before I die:
....See Andrew Wyeths painting titled "Widows Walk" again
....Visit England again
....Visit Italy
3 things I can do:
....Touch my nose with my tongue
....Have multiple orgasms
....Count in Hawaiian
3 things I can't do:
....Menstruate
....Get an erection
....Count in Russian
3 things I think you should listen to:
....Your heart
....Your children
....Your spouse (not necessarily in that order)
3 things I think you should never listen to:
....Self condemnation
....Gossip
....Get rich quick schemes
3 things I'd like to learn:
....How to use my cell phone
....How to use our label maker
....How to do more on the computer
3 favorite foods:
....Snowcrab
....Green beans
....Pasta in cream sauce
3 shows I watched as a kid:
....(Hey kids, what time is it?) Howdy Doody
....The Cisco Kid
....The Love Ranger
3 people I tag
....you
....you
and you

One thing leads to another

2007-03-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

One Thing Leads to Another

My personal quest for enlightenment and self actualization started for me in earnest a short time after May of 1986 when my husband and I were separated for almost a year. (I like to say that for the shock value!) It was not choice that separated us, but a new job that took my husband 1500 miles away. We thought we had sold our home in New Mexico. My husband went to California for training for his new job. The kids and I house hunted in Spokane, Washington and were excited about what we had found. When we returned to New Mexico though we learned that the couple who had bought our house could not qualify for the loan. With great disappointment for my husband and I the house went back on the market and the kids and I stayed put. The kids didn't mind so much not having to leave their friends.

So, for a year I was a single stay at home Mom. Most of my friends had moved away. And of course my husband was 1500 miles away. "No more eggs to fry......" Yes, I did have a pity party, for just a bit. The house was always at it's best, ready to show to a prospective buyer should a realtor call. So, when the kids were at school I had lots of time on my hands. I decided to spend this time productively.

Whether it was true or not is another story, but, I had believed myself to be fat since the forth grade. And I decided one more time that I was going to conquer the fat. I went to the library often and spent a lot of time reading the treasures I would bring home. I remember sitting at the typewriter typing an eating plan after reading several books by Geneen Roth. And while typing I had an Ah hah moment! This day was the first time I asked myself why. Why was I fat? I changed direction and started reading and working through "The Viscott Method a Revolutionary Program for Self-Analysis and Self Understanding" by David S. Viscott. Thus the journey began.

It was at this time that "The Oprah Winfree Show" was nationally sindicated and I was hooked after the first show that I watched. Through Oprah I was introduced to Wayne Dyer, Gary Zukav, Harville Hendriks, Dr. Phil and Depok Chopra, to name a few. Then while visiting a friend back east I watched the Wisdom Channel and discovered Louise Haye. While talking on the phone with another distant friend she mentioned a book titled something about loving yourself. I didn't write it down, but looked for it the next time I was in the library. What I came up with was titled something like "How to Love Yourself". I have it in a box in the garage I think. It turned out not to be the book my friend was talking about, but it's simple message was essential for me. There was also Marianne Williamson, John Gray, John Bradshaw, Jung, even Covey and Freud. Yes, I've read them all and more. I am, if nothing else, well read!!!

I am not in total agreement with everything everyone of them mutters. Neither do I discount everything they say because I don't agree with every detail. I just really have wanted to know.

I must have been born curious, always wanting to be the fly on the wall. My older brother always had his friends and would be off somewhere with them. I would be with my Mom and her friends listening to them gossip and talk about their biggest concern, how to lose weight. Anytime there would be people gathered talking I had my ears close by. And I kept many secrets because somehow I knew that if I repeated any of what I was hearing I would not be allowed to listen anymore. I still have many secrets locked inside. do do.........do do (that was an attempt at the 'Twilight Zone' music).

Anyway, there I went, off on a tangent and forgetting where I was going with this, which is why I don't post much and spend a lot of time watching the cursor blink.

I just really have wanted to know.

100 books

2007-03-24T02:18:00.000-07:00

100 BOOKS

If you want to play along, simply take the list below, paste it into your own blog, put READ next to those you’ve read, WANT TO next to those you are interested in, AGAIN & AGAIN next to those you’ve read and can’t stop, and leave blank those you don’t care to read.
1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown) read
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) read
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee) read
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell) read
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien) READ
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien) READ
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien) READ
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery) READ
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)read
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden) READ
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte) READ
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien) READ
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger) read
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott) READ
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold) READ
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel) ?
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte) READ
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis) read
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck) read
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)read
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)read
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks) read
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand) read
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley) read
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)?
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)read
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)?
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel) read!!!!
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. The Bible read
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy) read
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas) read
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)read
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck) READ
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)read
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver) read
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens) read
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens) READ
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald) READ
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough) read
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood) ?
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky) read
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand) read
63. War and Peace (Tolsoy) read
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice) read
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)read
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares) read
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller) read
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)read
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery) read
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)read!!!!
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)read
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett) read
76. Tigana (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith) READ
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving) read
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White) READ
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck) READ
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier) read
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen) READ
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams) ?
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley) ?
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer) read
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding) READ
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)read
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum) read
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch) read
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)read
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)read
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)
I've never been big on rereading books, though I have, not realizing it for many chapters.

Gratitude

2007-03-18T23:17:00.002-07:00

GRATITUDE

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."
~~~Melody Beatie

Spring

2007-03-17T01:53:00.000-07:00

Spring

Spring has sprung.

The grass has riz.

I wonder where

The little birdies iz?

Blogging

2007-03-12T16:29:00.000-07:00

Incredible

It is too incredible what this blogging business has done for me. I haven't been doing it very long, yet the benefits are huge. Thanks Lucky.

I think blogging is what it used to be like to write letters! When I graduated from High School I traveled with a family to Hawaii. The family then moved to Korea and I stayed in Hawaii and wrote long letters home to my Mom and bestfriend. When I say long letters, I mean 10, 15, 20 pages. Oh and I almost forgot about the sailor I wrote long letters to when I was in High School. His name was Maynard Robert Kanoinoiokalani Kaleokalani. He was also my first kiss! Just one.

Anywho...the benefits of blogging.....back to the benefits of blogging.

The most recent benefit is that I got all fired up reading some blogs that are way out there. I remember a time when I was able to guide peoples thoughts back to rational reasonable thought. I was well known for it as a matter of fact. Then I had children and a slight shift occurred in my sensibilities. I spent much less time talking to peers and most of my time being a mother. That was almost 36 years ago.

About twelve years later when my youngest started school I started reading self help books and writing about what I learned. The volume of my writing filled several garbage bags when we pared down before moving to Nevada. I kept a small portion. Blogging inspired me to dig them out and reading them has been amazing and uplifting just as it was to look through photo albums to find pictures to post on my blog.

I hope to share some of this writing with you.

How long has it been since you looked through your phots albums? Do you have journals that you haven't read in OH SO long?

2007-03-02T03:55:00.000-08:00

TONI

This blogging business is like going to my favorite store in Spokane, WA-"Mels". I seldom bought anything there because I wanted most everything they had. I have only so much time that I can be on the computer because my husband is finishing his MBA at UNR and is on the computer a lot. So I have to chose between writing and reading blogs.

i JUST DON'T KNOW HOW YOU YOUNG'UNS DO IT.